What do men think if we refuse to move in with you because we have our house too?

[ChicanaChick]

I just can't think of anything moving in would give me (besides the obvious romance and intimacy in a relationship; big deal) that the comfort of my own home can't.

What do men think of a woman that refuses to shack up with you because she's not giving up her house?

Updates

+1 y

and obviously if a boyfriend wanted to live in my house, my answer is a big fat NO.

Updates

+1 y

Ok here is the deal, I pretty much want commitment. If I move in, besides just ''I love you know and I can't live with out you'' words what's going to secure me that he isn't going to waste my time, my years and will propose after 2-3 years? Who is to say he won't then be too comfortable with the intimacy and romance and take advantage of all that?

[MrOracle]

You can do whatever you want as long as your man is okay with it. My question is: why would you be dating men that you don't see a serious, long-term future with? You've already crossed the summit of your relationship value at 25, but are still very close to the top of that value curve, so you can still get the most value in a man right now than you will ever be able to get in the future - and the longer you wait, the lower the value of the man you will be able to attract, because your youth is a huge part of your value. Now would be the time to take relationships super-seriously in order to maximize the value you have to "spend."

Imagine if you could only buy 1 house in your life and you'd have to live in it forever, and you'd inherited $5M at age 12 that was invested such that it would reach a maximum value of $10M when you turned 22, after which you would lose $1M/year in value until it bottomed out at 32 at $400,000. Would you wait until your 30s to buy a house, or would you try to buy a house near your 22nd year, when your financial power was at its peak - even if it means you were locked into that house?

That's more-or-less how a woman's relationship value works, and why women who find a husband/long-term relationship in their early 20s are the most likely to have the highest-value men they'll ever have.

Men are very different - generally, men enter adulthood with a near-zero value (with very rare exceptions - men who were born exceptionally good-looking, or very wealthy, or extremely talented and charismatic), and men have to BUILD their value from scratch, which is why men tend to take longer to achieve a reasonably high value - usually into their 30s.

Women gain their value simply by hitting puberty, but their value generally peaks in their early 20s and falls off from there, crossing below the average man's value right around age 30 - which is why 30 is considered "hitting the wall."

[ChicanaChick]

That's why I don't do cohabitation. Too many men are happy with the living together (who wouldn't be happy with having a girlfriend for romance and sex but nothing serious) arrangement but very few of them are the ones that will actually commit and be the future father of our child. Honestly, the only people I've allowed to stay over for a couple days in my house were my grandma, parents and siblings... no one else.
I've actually just started doing the vetting process a couple days ago. I'm actually dating to commit, not to live for years as a girlfriend.

[MrOracle]

That's smart. Remember that the other part is making sure that HIS morals, values, and life-goals are compatible with yours. That's more important than his looks, career, money, or status.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah I have no problem with her keeping another house for our weekends away or something, but if you're staying there every night why are we together? That "obvious romance and intimacy in a relationship" is why most normal people are in a relationship to begin with. Take that away, what's left?

[ChicanaChick]

Trust, respect and an intense companionship, that should be the foundation of the structure of a relationship. The physical intimacy and romance shouldn't be the whole cake to it. That's why there are break-ups and too many relationships don't progress to forming a family.

[ChicanaChick]

Too many people focus too much about the relationship and sex aspect and forget about the originally foundation.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I have trust and respect with many of my deployed friends. Nobody is saying sex should be the foundation of a relationship, but without it you don't have a relationship, you have a friendship, which is why so many men AND women cheat.

[ChicanaChick]

But do you have trust and respect in your relationships too don't you? That's foundamental on any type of relationship, whether it's family, friends, partners, etc.
What I mean is that sex shouldn't be taking over 80% of the relationship meanwhile the rest of the components only making up 20% of it. If sex is what the relationship is mainly about, just the bedroom and nothing else, it's easier to fall out of the infatuation period (lust confused for love) and arguments start once you start dealing with their differences and flaws.

[ChicanaChick]

Aren't there times where you don't want sex and for instance want to go on a trip with your partner, share quality time, meet the family? Do other things besides just the bedroom?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Absolutely. It's not much of a relationship without those two things. It'd just be a series of hookups at best. But now we have all three of those, you still want to live alone, there's no incentive for me to invest more time in this -- we've hit a dead end.

[ChicanaChick]

That's why every single component of a healthy relationship should be just as important. To be honest, I only welcome family (permanent people) in my house. The one people I've allowed to stay for a couple days were my grandma, my parents and siblings.
I can still have intimacy and romance while living separately if we're just dating. My house is reserved for someone in the very long-run. I don't like the idea of then breaking-up, then start the whole dating process again, then live with another boyfriend, then the whole process again, do continue living together with just bfs, temporarily people.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@ChicanaChick
My "absolutely" reply was to your "but you do have trust..." reply... i didn't see the second until now, tow which I will respond as such:

I can't imagine a situation where we'd be on a vacation and not have sex. It's an intimate physical bonding act. All my exes have been very active people, so we'd do charity races together or go climbing or hiking or whatnot, sparring with a few of them, sure. And once the adrenaline is pumping in our veins we'd want to have sex afterwards. If we're doing that and then you're walking out the door afterwards every time... well... just doesn't bode well for the long term there.

[ChicanaChick]

I never said not having sex at all. I was referring when sex takes over everything and people put too much focus on only that aspect, think loving your partner is fantasizing about them 27/4 and nothing else.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@ChicanaChick
No i get you, you didn't say no sex at all, but if you're going home after we have sex then that's sending a message to me that "that's the end of the night" as opposed to just the next page in our journey.

[alice55]

Personally I would not move out because I"m not ready to get out of my parents house, can't even made laundry alone...

[alice55]

You can move to your boyfriend house and rent your house or the reverse. But if you truly don't want either of you to move it's never gonna work.
That would work if you were 60s not 25

[alice55]

because old people have their life, kids, had spent decade in their house and dislike change so it wouldn't bother them to not move in together and just seend good moment with each other but young people prefer to stay together and build their life together instead of separated

[BoopBoopBeep]

How much longer do you think you need to learn basic life skills? Plan on living with your parents at 40 as well?

[alice55]

@BoopBoopBeep Why not? I don't need to learn any life skills cause my mother do most of them (i do all cooking, sometime clean the floor when I find it dirty and orgnanize the decorations); also why would I move out of the house, I'm free there I can do what I want compared with a man that would bother me not letting me eat what I want and not letting me what to watch on tv, my parents don't care about tv neither what we eat so I get to decide everything if I were living with a man I would have to "compromise" which is annoying and I don't want to do it.
Also when I go to my grandparents house during holliday there's a maid so no need to learn any "skills" the maid is there to do it all. Why would I bother to do it if she do it? She's paid for it.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@alice55 I suppose you covered anything I could have said already. Cheers.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here is to sprinkle a bit of insight into your pondering! When a woman decides to keep her own space instead of moving in, guys can have a mixed bag of reactions. For some, it's like, "Whoa, independence alert! We've got a strong one here!" which can be incredibly attractive. It speaks volumes about your confidence and self-sufficiency. On the flip side, some might read it as a red flag, wondering if commitment is being put on the back burner. But hey, if home is where your heart feels most comfy, embracing that isn't just okay; it's fabulous. The key? Communication. Make sure he knows it's about loving your space, not keeping love at bay. Intrigued? Dying to share your thoughts or ask more? Dive in and let's get chatting! 😉

[ChicanaChick]

I tend to love my space and I'm jealous with my home the same as with my car. Just like I don't let just anyone borrow my car (except my parents or siblings), my home is the same. The only people that have ever stayed a couple days in my house were my grandma, my parents or my siblings, no one else.

[ChicanaChick]

But for just someone I'm dating? No way

[RebelinSteel]

Well that would leave her being single. I really do not see the point of having a full on relationship with the goal of marriage or living with each other. If she won’t move in. That a long way to spend the rest of your lift in separate houses, bye bye to her.

[ChicanaChick]

I actually do want marriage but I'm very specific on who I'm sharing my house with. I consider my house like a temple to be honest. I don't want a boyfriend living in my house.
Do you realize how many people are shacking up for years, only for all to end up in a break-up (total waste of time), never get commitment nor have kids with the person?

[ChicanaChick]

I've been doing the vetting process just recently for that specific reason. I'm dating for commitment, not for just dating and living together for fun.

[RebelinSteel]

Well good luck, 30 is very close around the corner. You put more barriers in front of potential partners, you run out of potentials and also word goes around to avoid,

[ChicanaChick]

So I'm suppose to just move in, take his words that it's serious and continue wasting more time if he then doesn't propose after 4 years? That makes no sense to me.

[RebelinSteel]

You do you, I would never get in a relationship like you describe and I think most sensible guys would be the same. It’s your life, you live it

[TommyMountainFigure]

I think you are smart. I wouldn't give up my house and I would never expect a woman too either! There are ALWAYS ways around it.

[TommyMountainFigure]

*to << amended

[Joshydavid25]

Well, as long as he ain't your husband I think that that's fine.. I mean I would probably do the same thing until I got married.. Not out of just "wanting my own space" but out of principle. I hope..

[ChicanaChick]

I just added an update. Yes I do want commitment and take things serious if I ever let a man live in my house or move in with a man. I don't do this whole ''living together just as boyfriend and girlfriend'' thing. Too many men tend to get comfortable with that arrangement while we would be waiting forever for that proposal, jeopardizing our fertility.

[Joshydavid25]

I get it, you want a man to start a family with, and not just one that in a stagnant "relationship"..

[ChicanaChick]

Well said. Exactly. Straight to the point.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's kind of an alienating thing... you're putting a barrier up about the level of intimacy we're going to have in the relationship.

[ChicanaChick]

If he's just a boyfriend, then intimacy can still be done elsewhere. There is time for everything. I tend not to mix my house with dating. I don't want temporarily people in my house.

[ChicanaChick]

temporary

[ProbablyClueless]

Sure! Context is everything. I could never see myself asking a woman to move in with me until we'd been dating for long enough to know that we were definitely heading in the direction of marriage.

[ChicanaChick]

You got my point. Wonderful. I just hear of too many women that did the cohabitation early in the relationship, devoted too much energy, time and years and then the man is still not sure about marriage and ''needs more time''. BS. He got too comfortable with the living together and is thinking so much about the romance and wonderful intimacy meanwhile the poor woman (likely nearly 30 by then) is worried about her time getting wasted, when they will start having kids, when is the proposal, etc.

[ChicanaChick]

Though some women are catching up to those men's BS and several of us aren't falling for the ''playing house'' anymore.

[ProbablyClueless]

Clearly defined relationships and boudnaries are a must.

For what it's worth, I don't think most men do things like that intentionally. I don't think it's that they're trying to get as much as they can from the women without ever giving anything in return. I think it's more like they just don't have any sort of plan at all, and the woman sort of ends up drifting into having her time wasted because she feeds into the guy's complacency.

[JacobJordan]

Pretty dumb. You can't think of anything that you would gain from moving in with a man despite owning your own home as well? Anything at all?

[ChicanaChick]

yeah because you can still date, have romance and intimacy while living separately. Nothing changes. I'm still just dating him and our families are united yet. Nothing promising yet. I have no obligation to cook for a boyfriend.
Unless we've been dating separately for a while and he offers me lifetime commitment, then that makes sense. What I don't want to do is be the man's 4-8 year-old forever live-in girlfriend, wasting time. I don't want to do the co-parenting thing either. I want to have kids in marriage only.

[JacobJordan]

What benefits do you gain from owning a house while living with someone? Think about it. not being condescending just want you to come to the answer yourself if possible.

[ChicanaChick]

I would still have my own house, which mean I don't have to worry about ever getting kicked out if a relationship didn't work out. I don't have to rely on him. So that's just me already having security. In terms of the relationship, nothing changes if we're still boyfriend and girlfriend. We would both be temporary people that can come and go. He still wouldn't be my family.

[JacobJordan]

Anything else you can do?

[ChicanaChick]

Nope. It would be living seperately while there is nothing serious.

[JacobJordan]

Well if you moved in with said boyfriend (provided the goal was marriage) you open yourself up to income. You can rent out the house either short term, long term or through stuff like airbnb. Which is passive income. So that is a major benefit that you gain or he gains. Cause he could absolutely move in with you and rent his house out.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats the wrong way to look at it. You now both have 2 houses, and if you break up, you both keep your original homes.

[ChicanaChick]

If it leads to a break up, then I would be glad I didn't share my house with him. It means he was just a temporarily person. I'm very serious when it comes to sharing my house.

[DextroShade]

If she wants to be a wife she will have to move in with him. If she owns a house she can rent it out. If she won't move in she can stay out on the streets.

[ChicanaChick]

That would actually be my only exception, unless he has proposed and is a fiance (not a boyfriend) then we can live together. What I don't want is waste time living as a girlfriend for endless years. There are too many stories of women moving in, living with them for 4-8 years as girlfriend, too dedicated and then they end up wondering why isn't he proposing.

[ChicanaChick]

Many of us get too attached at some point (if just living in as a girlfriend) and the next thing we're going to be thinking about is when is he proposing and if he isn't on the same page, he wasted our time and our years.

[jahaims]

"(besides the obvious romance and intimacy in a relationship; big deal)"
If that part wasn't important to my partner then we wouldn't be partners.

[ChicanaChick]

My point is you don't have to shack up to get that. You can still date separately. I don't plan on sharing my house with a boyfriend either.

[ChicanaChick]

I don't want to move in with him and I don't want him moving in with me either.

[jahaims]

I answered your question. I didn't ask what your point was.

[David94358]

If you are just boyfriend then no big deal.. if you guys are married then that's a little odd

[ChicanaChick]

You got my point. I wouldn't mind living together if he was at least my fiance but just a boyfriend? nope
I've heard many sad stories of women either moving in or letting a man move into her house, living together for 4+ years, dedicating so much, treating it as if he were already their future husbands, he never proposes, wastes her fertile years and she has to start all over again with fewer time.

[ChicanaChick]

I don't want to be a girlfriend for too many years, definitely not for 5 years, no way.

[ChicanaChick]

I want to have kids in a marriage, not as a girlfriend doing co-parenting bs.

[David94358]

Yep you seem to be making the correct decisions

[spartan55]

If she had her own house I wouldn't expect her to give that up.

[RavVid]

You are declining a step in the progression of a relationship. So I would think look for a new girl.

[Yannae]

I am looking for something longterm so whatever the outcome, one will move in with the other

[ChicanaChick]

When you say longterm I'm assuming you're referring commitment and kids. For me I only know two terms, dating for short-term (just boyfriend and girlfriend) or long-term (marriage and kids). I don't want any short-term man living in my house.
I would have no problems renting out my house and moving if the relationship is serious and he proposes. If he's just a boyfriend that just wants to live just to try to see how things go, nope.

[Yannae]

Yeah. All the way to marriage.

[genericname85]

i mean if both partners are house owners, renting one of them would be a pretty good decision.

[Pohjolan]

So how did you plan on arranging it if you get kids? One week at your place and the another at his?

[ChicanaChick]

Perhaps I might act a bit strong and not easily convinced but deep down, I would like commitment. To me, living with someone isn't just a boyfriend I'm dating but just in the meantime. It's something for long-term, for life, someone I want to have a child with.

[OddBeMe]

You don’t have to anything. And he should be cool with it.

Some people like living apart especially if you lived with your parents for awhile and your boyfriend is getting too eager.

[Anonymous]

I would think that she put hard limits on the growth of the relationship and that it would go nowhere.

[ChicanaChick]

Maybe I don't want to be one of those ''forever gfs'' that he can have for fun and romance, to enjoy the timebeing but nothing actually serious if you know what I mean. I consider that going nowhere.

[Nifrayu]

I would probably be the one moving in. I've never really been that attached to my home.

[ChicanaChick]

I'm very attached to my home and to me it's something very serious to live with someone.

[ChicanaChick]

I take it serious to the point that the only people that were stayed for a couple days in my house were my grandma, my parents and my siblings, not a boyfriend.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's fine with me I'll move in with you and rent my house out

[ChicanaChick]

I'm actually serious when it comes to sharing my house though. The only people that stayed for a couple days in my house were my grandma, my parents or my siblings. I don't want someone that comes and goes, that's only temporarily but not permanent.
Nowadays too many people do cohabitation, then break up, then do it again and again with someone new. It seems like a joke.

[Bklynbadboy12]

But what if he's serious about you and really building a future with you

[ChicanaChick]

I would reach an agreement and let him in if he were a fiance and there is really a future with him. Meanwhile he's at boyfriend status, there is nothing promising.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I like the way you think. Can I ask where your from

[ChicanaChick]

I'm from Hialeah, Fl because my parents are from Mexico
Hence why my nickname

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your a smart you lady they raised you well

[dolemite58]

I’d prefer we both have our own houses tbh so that’d be perfect for me in a relationship.

[ChicanaChick]

Exactly. I don't do shacking up, never did.

[dolemite58]

And ur Latina? You’re a unicorn 🦄😂

[ChicanaChick]

I'm a Chicana, born in the US but with Mexican parents.

[dolemite58]

Mexican girls are my kryptonite 😂

[ChicanaChick]

What do you like the most about us?

[dolemite58]

Too much to list here 😂 u should follow me I’ll message you