Rules and request about moving in together, I have concerns?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and myself have decided to move into his house together (owned by his dad) We both sat down a few times going over what each will contribute financially and he said that I cover the cost of groceries which is fair and because its his dads home he will pay his dad the rent (which isn't a lot), fine. He asked me last night if id be willing to pay him some money monthly so he can put it towards the upkeep of the house as there is work to be done on it as well as some to pay the gardener. I feel a little weird about this because ill be putting money to fixing up his fathers house technically and if we break up then I dont get any of what i put in to fix it up. I asked him if id have a say with this money and he said yes but over all he makes the final decision on where the money goes to what of the house. Now this move will save both of us money as renting a place of my own is killing me.
Now as appreciative as i am that he has offered to allow me to stay with him, I also dont want to fix up a home thats never going to be mine and also didn't break the home but have to fix it?

Am i being silly since I am saving money at the end of the day or is it unreasonable to ask me to pay to fix someone else house?

Help :-)

[BoopBoopBeep]

Depends where you live. A triple net lease, you'd be renting, paying the property taxes as well as the upkeep of the property. If that's not common where you live, that's off the table.

Assuming it IS off the table, how much are you spending now vs then. Doesn't matter where the money is going. Money is fungible. You pay $400 "for groceries" or $400 "for repairs"... once you give him the money it doesn't matter where it goes. Maybe he buys groceries on sale and spends the rest at Vegas... whatever... as long as $400 of groceries show up in the fridge that's all that matters. You're living in the house. That does cause some degree of extra wear and tear. You're walking across the carpet more than if just one person was there. You're turning the knobs and using the bathroom twice as much as one person there. If he's asking for $100/month in upkeep costs and your groceries are $400/month, then at the end of the day it's costing you $500. If you currently are paying $800, you're saving $300/month. That should concern you more than where he puts that money. His dad could charge more for more wear and tear on the house the same way a hotel charges more for 2 people than one.

Seems like a small thing to get bent out of shape over if you're looking at a lower monthly cost. If everything ends up being more, then there's no incentive for you to do it. However it's structured, there should be a notarized lease between the two of you that outlines what is to be provided by whom. One, that covers everyone if it doesn't work out, and two, prevents a lot of fights along the way because everyone's financial responsibility is laid out in clear terms, so there's no "but you meant this" or a "but I bought pizza last weekend so that counts against what i owe." No. That's not how it works. You bought pizza because you wanted to buy pizza. You have to pay for this this and this, he has to pay for this this and this. If you two can't agree to that up front then really you have no business living with anyone.

[Asker]

100% makes sense. Thank you for taking the time and breaking it down for me.

[BoopBoopBeep]

My pleasure. Good luck with everything!

[OlderAndWiser]

Would it be different if he simply asked you to pay a set amount per month as rent?

[Asker]

The amount id be paying for the food for the house is equal to the rent so we pretty 50/50. But where the question is on my mind, if the house belongs to his dad and I move in with pool thats broken, roof needs fixing, repainting needs to be done and now i need to pay for those things just to lose it all when I move out...
Look I dont mind helping with those things as it is saving me money at the end of the day moving in with him I just hate that im fixing up someone elses house. I've been renting on my own all my life and its the landlords job to make sure those repairs on the place is done not the tenant so it just felt a bit weird but again I have come to terms with it now and am sure ill find a lot of benefit from those things being fixed.

[laly520]

makes sense

dont invest in sth u dont own

[Asker]

Thats how i see it too, i think id feel better if we both put in 50/50 and then if we break up and I move then whatever is left over gets split

[firenine909]

I think it’s valid to be concerned if you do break up you’d be losing a lot of money. This should be something he does instead

[fuddly]

Sounds mad

You pay the groceries

Then he pays the electricity, broadband and utilities

Tell him to go jump