Are you suppose to be honest about every single detail in a relationship?

Question

Or are there things you keep a secret? For instance is it really a man's business if my parents argue too much and their marriage sucks? Is it anyone's business the days you were bullied at school, how much is your income or other deep personal things? Some people don't even reveal to their partners about their other relationship past nor their exes names.

All this ''there needs to be honesty in a relationship'' is limited isn't it? It sounds like general honestly but not total honesty?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't be with someone who interrogated me and felt it their right to intrude into every detail of my life. I wouldn't even know how to adequately explain an entire life's worth of experiences, effects and feelings.

My partner isn't my psychoanalyst and they aren't a police interrogator.

People naturally ask about each other's families, what they do for a living, things they've done, things they like to do, and things like that. Those are just normal conversational topics. And, as they get to know each better over time, they learn more about their personality, character, behavior, lifestyle, and attitudes. They tell anecdotes from the past, but not under pressure.

I probably wouldn't mind sharing my income. But if a date asked about my net worth, I would suspect that she was mercenary and just searching for a guy who had the most money.

I have a problem with people who feel that they have a right to know every single thing. Not because I have anything in particular to hide, but because I find those people to be paranoid, insecure, judgmental, threatening and untrustworthy. They are looking for reasons to break off the relationship. They are looking for someone who is perfect. And nobody's perfect.

I would leave someone who wanted the passwords to my devises so that they could search through them. My wife and I know each other's passwords in case of emergency, but neither of us has any interest in searching through them.

Also, I never asked a woman about her past sexual history and none ever asked mine. Does she really need to know how many women have sucked my dick and how many women I have fucked in my life? Should I make a list and give details? I don't want to put her on the spot and ask for such information from her, either. I really don't want to know, because I assess her character while we are together, not based on a detailed background check.

My wife and I have been happily married for almost 28 years now. I was 40 when we met and she is 2.5 years younger. We both had full and fulfilling lives before we met.
We got along really well right from the beginning.
Several months into our relationship, she asked it I would be willing to meet with a couple's counselor. I decided "Why not? It might be interesting."
The purpose was to see if we were a good fit and if we were both ready for a lifetime commitment. We learned about ourselves and each other. But it wasn't like a police interrogation to dig up dirt about our pasts. It was more about our attitudes and personalities.

We've learned a lot about each other over the past 30 years. We know each other better than anyone else. But we don't demand answers to intrusive questions about the past. We volunteer the information we want to share.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

If you are in a serious relationship - meaning marriage is a possibility - then things like this absolutely should be disclosed. Marriage is not just a joining of a couple, but a joining of families. You should be honest about what each of you are getting into with the other's family.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic debate between honesty and TMI in the land of love! 🌹 Think of your relationship as a cozy campfire - you want to share enough to keep the flames glowing but not dump everything on at once and potentially smother the light.

So, let me charm you with some wisdom; not all details are meant for sharing, especially in the early stages. It's like a dance, a little step forward, a twirl with some mystery. 🕺✨ Your parents' arguments, the bullying you endured, or even your salary are layers of your story that require trust and the right timing to share.

Sharing past relationships or the ex-files? Now that's a room decorated with red flags if not handled with grace. It’s essential but needs a touch of finesse - enough to understand each other better without turning it into a ghost story session.

So, in essence, honesty has its room, with spacious closets reserved for personal details, awaiting the perfect moment for a reveal. Keep the communication open, but remember, it's all about pacing, darling. Let the romance breathe! 💖

AviatorTom · Answer

One should always be honest but that doesn't mean one has to reveal every detail. My father used to say, "I always tell the truth but the truth is not always told."

imtiaz45 · Answer

Honesty is crucial in a healthy relationship, but it doesn't mean sharing every single detail. Key is distinguishing between important transparency and unnecessary oversharing. Honesty about significant matters like feelings, values, future plans, and major decisions fosters trust and intimacy. However, minor details or personal thoughts that might cause unnecessary hurt or conflict can sometimes be kept private. Balance is essential—being truthful without overwhelming your partner with every thought. Communication and mutual understanding about boundaries and expectations can help determine what details should be shared to maintain trust and respect in the relationship.

mono_gram · Answer

Share whatever you feel comfortable sharing now, and when the time is right then you share other things that ought to be shared. But there are some things that shouldn't be shared/you should keep to yourself because everyone needs their own personal space/has their own personal life (and that's up to you to decide what it is).

Generally, it's good to be honest with your partner so they can have more trust in you and hopefully vice versa.

Jefftheduck · Answer

I like to share everything including past trauma not right away well sometimes it has been I look at it like it’s me and my partner vs the world we are a team we should be closer than anyone and we should know everything about each other that said there’s no right answer the right answer is it depends on what the two people in the relationship needs some people will except that from you some will not if you are uncomfortable sharing those kinds of things my advice would be to share that early in the relationship if you’re partner believes that boundary stops him from getting what he needs it’s fair for him to leave he’s not wrong but he may feel the same some people don’t like sharing others feel it is a need everything is up to the people in the relationship there’s no set rule if both people are comfortable and happy

HawkPerception · Answer

Yes I believe so. Be honest about the sex. It helps your partner know what they can improve on. Be honest about whether you're happy with the effort your partner is making. Be honest with what you've done in your past. Be honest with what you feel right now in the relationship.

Open and honest communication is the key to success in relationships... as long as it's by 2 mature individuals that can take criticism well.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I'll never understand why the saying "always tell the truth, but don't always be telling it" isn't more popular, because it's great advice.

If someone asks you a question, answer them honestly, but don't be inappropriate or stupid in the amount of information you share.

There's no need to play a bunch of deceptive little games or be shitty and difficult if you don't want to answer a question.

DishLady · Answer

I always recommend full disclosure as much as possible -- baring "tmi" about past relationships that gum up the works of a current relationship.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Fuck no. The past is to a large degree yours. Share what you want but some memories are private - familial, platonic and erotic - they're YOURS!

ThaMaskedMarvel · Answer

Yes, you have to be honest. You don't have to answer every question that you're asked though. You can say you'd rather not talk about it. That doesn't make it a lie or a dishonesty or whatever.

slatyb · Answer

You don't have to tell your partner everything, only the things that affect the relationship. If you are afraid to tell your partner some things, it's a sign that the relationship isn't healthy.

12karen · Answer

in my opinion, I try to be as honest as possible regardless of the question or past events so my partner can get to know me better. If he's going to know something weird about me, I'd rather he hear it from me than from anyone else.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Be honest, yes, but nobody needs to know every little detail about your past.

anon1903 · Answer

You shouldn't force yourself to reveal any information you don't want to. Relationships don't give anyone free pass to invade

dustybiker2 · Answer

If you keep secrets they feel excluded. That is a deep chasm to create.

Jkgordon · Answer

Don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing

noohair · Answer

Everyone lives 3 lives. A public life. A private life. And a secret life.

Abdulwahh · Answer

No your partner doesn't need to know your salary neither do you need to know his. He doesn't need to know your body count neither do you need to know his.

handsomelad70 · Answer

Some things in a relationship should be off-limits to your partner.

PreferNot2Say · Answer

And I bet at the same time you bitch that he doesn't try to really get to know you.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You need to feel free to share things that are weighing on your emotionally with your partner.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol these things obviously matter in relationship. If u are hooking up it doesn’t. In marriage it does because families become in laws

madewithingredients · Answer

So there's this movie called Liar Liar...

Flatmanlewis · Answer

Honesty is truth, not full disclosure.

jahaims · Answer

If you can't be open and honest don't date

he-takes-a-part · Answer

Yes if partners lurks for it.

Bluegreen3737 · Answer

Sure

Are you suppose to be honest about every single detail in a relationship?

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