Should I leave him?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t been dating someone for four months now. Every time he asks to see me I am readily available. And I am always happy to see him. Today I had a really hard day at work last minute he told me he was outside and wanted to see me before I left. I haven’t been sleeping the last couple of days from medicine I’ve been on, so I’ve been really tired as well. According to him, I didn’t show any emotion, and I should always put my feelings aside to show him that I’m happy to see him and I should always put my emotions aside when someone does something nice for me because that’s what he does. He told me I made him look really stupid and not to talk to him for the rest of the night. I don’t know if this is the beginning of a really toxic relationship or is it something that I should be working out? I had also explained to him my situation, but he insist that I put those feelings aside.

[DoggyDude]

It sounds quite toxic to me. No good partner should be controlling like you describe. It is reasonable for a partner to notice something is making the other partner unhappy and want to seek them to step away from the causes of the unhappyness. So its possible he was just trying to make you happy in a clumbsy stupid manor (though the way you tell it, I have a doubt, but I think people need the benefit of the doubt when stuff looks very bad for them).

I really dislike the way he's speaking to you; Its disrespectful controlling behaviour. Noone should have the right tell others they make them look bad. However, your both young, and when younger we say stuff that we don't really comprehend the full meaning. I recall a situation where when my ex-gf used to walk down the main highstreet singing silly songs with her friend, I was very embarassed to be seen to be with her then; I recall feeling she made me look stupid, but the reality is, I felt stupid as she was reflecting my choice of person.

My point here is, your young, and your both going to make comminication mistakes. He seems to need to learn that talking to you in the manor where he sounds like a control freak is NOT good behaviour nor shows any love / respect. You possibly need to consider if you have done anything which would make someone with you feel embarassed to be with you.

1) You should only leave someone when your certain
2) Try to understand why he said those things, and regain your deserved position of respect (or at least a understanding of why he feels you make him look bad, to his eyes).
3) Definitely look at what he says first from a perspective of, what truth is in it, and secondly from a perspective of if anything you did might have contributed toward it being reasoned to say such things.

Best of luck, hope perhaps you find this useful

[Asker]

later he said not to speak to him for the remainder of the night to which i said i respect his wishes. he replied with “wow i can’t believe you actually listened, you’re gonna give up that easily?”

[DoggyDude]

Sounds like he enjoys screwing around with your mind. Some people are like that, I knew a girl that would enjoy doing that to me. She was a goth and liked to try to turn any innocent comment into a scandle (though she found that amusing rather than being mean).

I'd say, that someone whos playing with your mind like that is not someone you should persue. He sounds way to comfortable, I think unless you couldn't bear losing him, yes, leave him and find someone who respects you more.

[lightbulb27]

on that alone no.

but he thinks everyone should be like him, and maybe you should. but you are not. so communication required and hopefully you find middle ground.

only you can make the call.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Notice how he makes it about himself, and what he wants, rather than you, and the fact that you’re not feeling well? Definitely a sign of something toxic. Leave him now before it gets worse.

[Asker]

i expressed that his behavior was concerning and he told me that my lack of emotion was what’s actually concerning

[XHopelessRomanticX]

This is another sign of toxicity; you express your concerns, and he turns it around on you and makes you the problem

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic dilemma of "to stay or not to stay." First off, a relationship is a dance of give and take, not a one-person show. It sounds like your beau's in need of a reminder that relationships thrive on mutual understanding and support, not just on one partner's need for validation. If every encounter with him becomes a performance where you need to mask your true feelings, then darling, you might be heading towards a script you didn't sign up for.

Communication is key, and you did your part by explaining your situation. Love shouldn't be about making anyone feel "stupid" or insisting on emotional suppression for the sake of appearances. Relationships are about lifting each other up, especially during those "off" days. If he can't support you on your bad days as much as on your good ones, it's a pretty flashy red flag waving right there.

It's worth a heart-to-heart to see if understanding can be reached. But remember, any relationship that makes you question if it's "really toxic" probably isn't making your heart sing the way it should. Trust in that intuition of yours; it's smarter than you think! 💔➡️💖

[Anonymous]

He's seems rather one sided. Perhaps you needed to calmly spell out your side of things and help him understand. You do appreciate him being around, you are glad he's in your life, but sometimes there are other things you need to deal with.

[OtterMan68]

If you explain yourself to him, and he still shows no empathy, dump him

[Asker]

I did explain the situation to him, and he still insist that I should put my feelings aside for him because he’s doing something nice for me and I should be appreciative. Then he sarcastically thanked me for showing me how I really feel about him

[OtterMan68]

dump city, baby

[laly520]

yes

move on