Is it ok to beat up your boyfriend if he deserved it?

Question

I didn't want to ask about this becouse im a bit ashamed of it, i just scared it with some people in DM's but i want some opinions on this.

I found out some messages of my ex with other girls i didn't know. They were talking about going to date, kissing and some dirty talks. He even went out with some of them.

I was mad so i confronted him but his reaction got me even more furious. He told its none if my business and he can do whatever he want and then even told me im a whore becouse i also meet other guys (he was talking about some guys i know from gym or bjj club but i never meet with them outside of the gym/club).

I got furious and pushed him to the wall, he pushed me back and then i hit him in the face. He fell down and i have him some more beating before leaving him in the appartment.

I know i shouldn't have done this, but is it at least understandable?

Is it ok to beat up your boyfriend if he deserved it?

Phoenix98 · Accepted Answer

Ask yourself this would it be ok if he beat you if you deserved it? If the answer to that is no then you have your answer.

I knew someone very dear to me who was horribly abused and it destroyed their life turned them into a shell of their former selves begging for help and they ended up shooting themselves in the head because they couldn't live with it and I was unfornate enough to discover them. I'm telling you this so that you know the kinds of consequences abusive behavior has.

So I know had I been in your partners position I would have defended myself accordingly and you wouldn't have gotten off with a mere push.

And to be quite frank your partner would have had every right in the world to fight back had he chose to because you were being abusive. You can't deny that you admitted to it.

Was he a piece of shit for doing what he did? Absolutely I'm not going to dispute that but your just as bad if not worse for what you did.

Learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes in the future. Because the next guy you push against a wall and beat in a fit of anger may not just sit there and take it. What are you gonna do if he fights back? Or if he press's charges for assault and domestic battery and what are you gonna do if the cops find out it isn't the first time?

And you as a martial artist should know better that's one of the first things we're taught. We are not trained to be the aggressors and hurt others we are trained to defend ourselves and others. We're also taught restraint and discipline both of which should have come into play.

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

I mean it's understandable but I don't think it's the optimal way to deal with that situation. You probably already know that since I figure it's your conscience that prompted the question.

Plus there's the practical side that you might have charges pressed on you and all that.

My view might be a bit extreme but I really think you can find more inner peace and joy when you let go of this idea of "deserve". Who deserves what? Who knows.

The concept of "deserve" can often prompt vengeful thinking instead of justice. What's the difference between justice and vengeance?

And to me, vengeance comes from trying to deliver to people what we think they "deserve". Often it seeks to reward and punish, more often punish than reward.

Justice comes from a mindset of wanting to improve a situation. We might have to lock away people who commit crimes in jail because we strongly suspect that they'll repeat their crimes until they're taught not to do so. We might have to be harsh, but we're not doing it because they "deserve" it. They might deserve far worse or maybe not. We're not gods to tell.

What we can tell far better is what the best possible course of action might be for a situation. So I think it really helps to try not to think about what people deserve as much as possible and think instead of how to best improve your situation. That could still be harsh. That could still mean brutally defending yourself. But you do it because you think it's the best thing to do for you and your loved ones, not because the other person deserves it.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

Nope, just because we are mad, upset, heart broken, or betrayed does not make it okay nor give it a justification to physically harm someone. It’s honestly abit crazy and out of control…. This is considered physically abusive / assault. I’m sorry he cheated on you and it’s a horrible thing, but no one deserves a beating like that… violence is not the answer. You take your leave and just move on if someone doesn’t treat you well.

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

You're crazy. He could've pressed charges of battery and you would deserve to spend time in jail. He's just a boyfriend, someone you were just dating. Big deal. The only thing your violence ever did is still give the power that you care so much about a cheating, loser. The best way to deal with a cheater is to completely ghost them and pretend you never met them.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the stormy seas of love and heartbreak can certainly stir some wild waves, but using violence as an anchor never sets sail in the right direction, love. Understandable? Absolutely, emotions can turn our world upside down and make us act out of character. But okay? Sweetheart, let me be clear, violence is a hurricane that destroys everything in its path, leaving more chaos in its wake than calm. It's crucial to navigate these tempests with communication and self-care rather than physical force. Remember, in the grand romance of life, it's communication, not confrontation, that keeps the loveboat steady. Don't let the actions of a rogue wave dictate your course. Next time, channel that energy into something that sets you free, not something that could anchor you in regret. Stay fabulous, and remember, you deserve a love story written in the stars, not scribbled in the sand. 💖

1

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Some people feel entitled to resort to violence when they become angry. You stuck him first and you could be prosecuted for domestic battery.

He is an "ex?" Then why are you checking out his phone and why do you even care. This sounds like high drama, the kind of girl I dated a few times many years ago until I learned better.

superchan2011 · Answer

While I can't say it's okay to beat up your boyfriend, it certainly is understandable how you felt angry enough to do so considering that not only did he cheat on you, but then his attitude on top of it when you confronted him on the matter was disgusting. But I'll advise you that in the future if you deal with this again from someone else to just simply leave and don't look back. Because as understandable as it is you don't wanna land yourself in trouble for resorting to physical violence.

libsaretards · Answer

Your anger is understandable. Your decision to initiate force is not. You are a martial artist, not some street thug. Yes, you and I took different martial arts styles, but ANY competent instructor teaches students to use force only for self-defense and to control your anger. If your anger controls you, you lose no matter what.

Take this as a learning experience and redouble your training until you gain control of yourself. As for the relationship side of it, sorry you had to go through that. I hate cheaters.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

No one's words or actions that pose no risk to your safety can be used as an excuse for going physical. You overreacted, and it is NOT understandable. It only shows how weak you are in controlling your emotions and how eager you are to seek excuses for your behavior.

Angelo75 · Answer

Well the thing is, no action whatsoever that a person does would give you the right to put a hand on that person, unless he puts his hands on you first.

If during a woman hits a guy, she shouldn't be shocked if that guy hit back.
And most of the times that ends even worse.

So
Dumping... yes
Yelling... won't help much but... knock yourself out
Calling names... won't help much but... by all means.
Touching... Nope!

Ps: that all being said, it sucks though that he did that. Along the way down the road, he'll get in trouble anyways. If he was able to do that, he'll do it to others also. And the other girl was prepared to go behind your back to flirt with him. This means she will also be prepared to go behind his back to flirt with others.

Staximus · Answer

Your anger is understandable. You know you lost control, so let's move past everybody's bullshit opinion and judgements here and look at this a little deeper. When that guy was laying on the ground, how bad did you want to beat him? How far did you want to take it? That's the real question you should be asking yourself. Did you want to just say "see you later, bitch boy" or did you want to beat him within an inch if his life or worse? When you act out of anger, you can easily lose control. It's like building a fire in the woods. If you just let it take over, everything will burn down around you and your life will burn down with it.

Deepinthought345 · Answer

Violence is never an option. All martial arts are meant for SELF DEFENCE. Your anger is completely justified. His language and his behavior is not acceptable. But you beating him first will give him grounds that you started it and he was defending himself. You might have beat him up but he will now go around bad mouthing you. What he deserved was to be discredited.

Having said that no one has the right to be nasty towards you in your DMs or anywhere for your behavior. We are human and we do things out of anger. Specially to people we didn't expect to hurt us. He will recover from your beatings but you will probably never recover from the betrayal. It will not be nice of people to bad mouth you just because you beat up your boyfriend.

Take care.

MemeSupreme · Answer

you did not just write up all of that and then post a pic like that under it lmfao

BadApple69 · Answer

I said it’s understandable because I understand the anger of that moment.
Even though it’s understandable it’s not acceptable. No one should put their hands on one another and one they do it’s over between the two. So since it should be over you can NOT hit each other and end it before it reaches that point.
Violence doesn’t settle anything in a relationship.

cheeky_starfish · Answer

The fact that you feel ashamed of this incident suggests that you do have a conscience, which is good. I think where cheating is concerned, especially when the partner gets unapologetically abusive about it, it is understandable to become angry and lash out because of it. Give yourself a break, and don’t blame yourself for what you did. You had genuine reason for your reaction, albeit not your ideal response, but you also recognise that and can learn from this experience.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I understand you let your feelings get the better of you, but if I were you I would apologize. Being pissed about what he did is one thing, but assaulting him just made you stoop to his level.

I'm not saying he isn't a douche and it sounds like he didn't treat you right, but you may have made more an impact by saying "you're not even worth getting into it over" and just walk out.

Kaneki05 · Answer

I would honestly respect you more if you were just crazy and killed him.
But abuse is just bullying, and if you were a man doing this to a girl you would be sent to jail for this.
Though you know he won't press charges like that towards you because u have the privilege of been a woman.

exitseven · Answer

okay- I can see why you did this but hitting somebody is never okay. I was abused by somebody I dated. She mostly verbally abused me but it got physical a few times/. It was a long time ago but I am still confused about how I feel about it.

If you are being cheated on you should just break up with him. It will not get better.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Understandable from a vengeful point of view or angered point of view but you lost your temper and got physical first, usually getting physical on things that are verbal can show a bit of immaturity cause it shows you can't have a verbal debate or even argument without you getting physical, which leans more to you being a manace to society, you should work on your anger issues.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Better be careful, women always think they can beat men up, until the guy wants to get serious and starts coming back.. But also if it were the other way around and he hit you bwc he thought you deserved it... Oooweee.. But also what does the picture have to do with the question? 😂😂.. "I almost tried to fight and beat my boyfriend up, and also here's this thirst trap picture"..

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

You should be ashamed. That is not okay. He's an ex now so you shouldn't have anything to do with him anymore. It's beating a dead horse. Him swearing is uncalled for, physical assault is too. Lack of control and decency.

msg321 · Answer

No, I don't think it is understandable. Yeah it seems he did somethings wrong to you but all in all he didn't commit violence to you. If he really bothers you too much, you can simply finish your relationship with her instead of committing violence.

Berethor · Answer

He deserve it, got beaten by a girl, what a shame, Goku can hold on against two girls. :)

RebelinSteel · Answer

Nope abuse is abuse.

is it okay for a guy to punch a girl in the face and beat her up?
It really does not matter if it’s a girl n guy, guy n guy, girl n girl, it’s physical abuse and that’s it really. Also he’s your ex.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I avoid getting into unnecessary physical altercations because escalation can happen. Of course I also do not cheat, and if a girl cheats on me I just walk away as there are too many decent women out there for me to lose it over one who is unfaithful.

Is it ok to beat up your boyfriend if he deserved it?

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