I'm starting to despise myself for being attracted to this guy (A) who is like a walking red flag and I push away the nice one (B) who tries his best to be there for me! How do I cut the connection with the (A)? I'm suffering and I have no one to blame but myself!
13 d
Why am I attracted to toxic guys and push away the nice ones?
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I have no idea why you are doing this, but here is what I have come to learn about myself.
When we talk about good guys/gals and bad guys/gals... guys break this down by crazy factor. The sexier they are the more crazy you will tolerate. Because the bat shit crazy chicks are fun, and exciting until the day it's not. Even when you know she is bat shit crazy and it will end in a flaming train wreck, its one hell of right until it over. All you got to do is jump ship before ends in a flaming wreck. Because it is fun, and exciting and you enjoy that ride for as long as it lasts.
But in the end, long term that is not what you are looking for within a serious relationship. At some point it stops being fun, and you stop doing it to yourself. But everyone has that coming to Jesus' moment at different points in their life... so you might be closure to that moment then you realize.
Because at some point it is just not fun anymore and you start to value different things in people. Because in reality you are the one that is wasting your own time on these guys, and not moving forward.
It's already not fun anymore for me, I'm fighting to detach myself from him, but he's like the black hole, keep sucking me in. I'm already emotionally drained and the fact that our jobs are in the same building and I have to see his stupid face everyday, makes me feel anxious everytime I have to get to work! I was doing fine for a few months when I was out of town, and even though I have him on instagram, we were not speaking, and I was fine with it. I was living my life. When I came back, it was awkward for me at first being around him, but he made me feel that we're okay, until it was not because I've finally grew some backbone and told him off. And now his silent treatment is a way of punishing me, which he has done it before, and it makes me more angry with myself because no matter how hard I try to say I'm not affected by his behavior, I fail miserably. And this will probably will continue on until I give in and, not apologize, but speak to him first.
Why am I so weak when it comes to him? It's the first time since I started dating, that a guy has such an impact on me!
I'm pushing away nice guys who are genuinely interested in me, for him! I must be crazy and I'm ashamed of myself. I don't even want to think what my friends think of me now, makes me more miserable.
I hate to say it very much, but cut off the nice guy. There is nothing we can say to make you stop with the shitty guy because you still have hope. No matter how bad he’s been, your story with him isn’t over yet. So let the nice guy go while you get to a place with the toxic one where you’re REALLY done, like he’s finally achieved the nail in the coffin. You won’t emotionally be rid of him until then, you’re just too attached.
Jesus! Not what I expected to hear! This has been going on for almost a year now. I was so blind in the beginning to the most obvious of red flags which my friends saw and tried to warn me about and I thought them crazy. He constantly plays the victim card making me feel apologetic towards him, makes me doubt myself of things he said because when I confront him about it he looks clueless like he never said anything and its all on me, and the constant gaslighting drains my energy. And eveytime I believe that I'm done, that was it, I fall into this rabbit hole once again.
Yesterday we were talking on instagram, mostly friendly banter, until I wasn't! And because I've told him off, he left me on read, which he knows its what I hate the most, today when he saw me at work he literally passed by me without a second glance! And throughout the day, he made sure to be within my eyesight and that made me even more angrier. I tried to play it cool as a cucumber but inside I'm seething. And to think that tomorrow I have to see his stupid face again.
And then there is the nice guy whom when I said I'm not doing okay, he dropped everything to come and see me. Which made me feel a lot worse because I know how he feels about me, even though I've told him I'm not in a right place at the moment to be something more for him, he's still caring and sweet towards me. And that makes me hate myself even more!!!
I'm trying so hard to be done with him, and not be affected anymore by his antics, by his silent treatment today, I realized how weak I am when it comes to him. smh
It’s okay, I’m genuinely not judging, we all go through it and that’s why I say what I say. Sometimes it takes A-LOT to be done with a guy. They could do the shittiest things and you find yourself weak for them regardless, still wanting them. I’ve found over time that with some men you just have to go through all the motions. He has done a lot but clearly not enough to send you off for good. I think that until he does that very bad thing, you won’t wash your hands. If that fact pisses you off or upsets you (which it should, of course) then tell yourself you’re done. Tell yourself he’s full of lies, will never change and he isn’t the man you want as a husband and father to your kids. But if you aren’t ready to go down that road of finality then try to end things with the nice guy, or at least don’t engage. I know it’s tempting because he’s a good person, but imagine how guilty you’d feel going back to your ex. Then having to tell him some heartbreaking version of ‘well I said I wasn’t ready’, if I were you I’d want to avoid that altogether.
This has been happening since the dawn of the human genus.
The answer is that the "bad guys" appear more masculine to you because they come across as more assertive and self-assured.
Well I hate it and I wish to be done with him already. How I wish it was as easier as saying it!