Relationships

My own insecurities and relationship anxiety sabotaging me and my possible relationship with my partner. Not sure what to do?

Me and my partner have been having ups and downs since we started out 3 months back. We both really do love each other and the beginning was messy. After having some sort of issue and my inability to regulate my emotions due to my anxiety disorder and reflection of part relationships, my boyfriend and I found some peace in the last month or so. There are points where he triggers my anxiety and times where I do stuff unknowingly that triggers him too. (He was diagnosed with depression in the past). I’ve noticed everytime I date someone relationship or not, I tend to hyper fixate praying it works cause I don’t want to be a failure. My boyfriend if anything has been so loving and the past few weeks I’ve been stressing myself out for no damn reason. He has his own problems with health and money, take some time to respond to not stress me out but I stress out with slow responses. Or the fact he is slow to open up because of his insecurities and I want things moving fast. The guy has been amazing despite the issues, trying his best to call me and keep in touch if he’s at work or busy and is always there when I have anxiety attacks or problems. I randomly texted him if he was happy in our relationship (cause my anxiety and how I kept co relating to the past) and he sent me paragraphs saying how much he loves me and what part of me he didn’t like and had misunderstood in the past. He just like others constantly reminds me to take care of myself, focus on my goals and passions and that my last worry should be him leaving me cause he won’t. We both come from two different backgrounds but want to make it work. He always reminds me I’m loved and sometimes he has things to deal with. I felt I’m disappointing him and random shit and had another attack yesterday he reassured me that everything will be okay and I’m not disappointing him and he won’t leave me over this stuff. I’m trying to find a therapist too but not sure how to work around it otherwise too and be more secure.

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For those who mention leaving him, we both believe in healing and working on ourselves and helping each other in the relationship itself so for now that’s not something I’m considering. We both have managed to create a safe space to share any problems to solve em instead of misunderstanding. If I feel too choked up or it’s fucking me over to the point I’m really not able to do things then yes I will leave.
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I’ve always been the greatest peoples pleaser and realized I don’t see my self worth. This is something family and friends and even my boyfriend has mentioned too. I tend to self criticize and have a low self esteem too. Which I am aware of but not sure how to work on
My own insecurities and relationship anxiety sabotaging me and my possible relationship with my partner. Not sure what to do?
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