Why should I give a man years of my youth without anything in return?

[Anonymous]

I already know where this ''moving in together'' leads too. Many of us get attached and then due to our biological clock, we obviously want to form a family. I just broke up with someone I've been dating for 4 months (no sex yet) but wanted us to move in soon and continue the relationship for at least 5 years. I only needed to hear the words ''5 years'' and that was enough for me to walk away. I tried to reach a compromise but he kept with the ''no, at least 5 years''.

If I were to move in with a boyfriend, how do I know he's not going to get too comfortable and waste years of my youth for nothing? Besides romantic words (words prove nothing anyways, just words and promises mean nothing), how can I know he'll reciprocate and be ready to have kids within my timeframe, not his? He can wait 10+ years (unlimited) for all I care but I can't.

Everything is give and take. But honestly why should I give a man 5-6 years of my youth and wait on his timeframe? Why on his timeframe? Why should I be waiting for him if I'm the only with the limited time to have kids? Shouldn't it be the opposite... the person with the unlimited time should be the patient one waiting and if that means eliminating sex while we're just dating so beat it. I got more to lose if I waste too much time.

Updates

+1 y

the compromise I was giving to give was 2 years miminum and 3 years most but no more. I can't do more.

[TommyMountainFigure]

So what is it exactly you want.. A written legal contract signifying if it goes over 3 years you have to get married?

[Asker]

And what good would living-in as a childless girlfriend for 5+ years do for me? I want to have kids on my timeframe, not his. I don't want to have kids whenver he is ready.

[Asker]

What if his timeframe to have kids were within 8 years (I'll be 31 by then) but I want to have kids before I'm 30 and at 30 I want to have at least 2 more kids?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Forgive me if this sounds stupid to you, but there is no reason why you cannot use the dating process to find a guy who wants the same as you.

[Asker]

That's the reason I'll be stepping out more often during the weekends. I prefer meeting people outside in person vs on dating applications.

[TommyMountainFigure]

We are in agreement there then!

[Anonymous]

Why should y give a man 5-6 years of your youth? I don't know, you tell us. Why would you allow that to happen? Why would you stay with a man like that? Are you not the only one with control over that? Help us out here.

[Asker]

I've already dumped him when I heard the words ''5 years'. I did tried to reach an agreement that 2 years is the minimum for me and max is 3 years, no more than that. Then he kept insisting that it should be 5 years because supposedly it takes that long to actually know someone, that he has all the time in the world (obviously.. meanwhile I don't), etc.
That's why I asked the question of why should I give a man years of my youth. That makes no sense to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Well good for you, you did the right thing. Honestly I have never heard a single case like this where a guys said in advance he wants 5 years. That's crazy.

[Asker]

At the same time, I'm glad he was honest. He (indirectly) saved me from even wasting 2-3 years of my time with someone that isn't dating to form a family. So in a way, he did me a favor.

[Asker]

If more men were honest like that, it would save more women from wasting time.

[Opinion Owner]

Most men are honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Live in relationships are looked down because a real gentleman would not live with a unmarried lady

[Asker]

Exactly. I have more to lose in the end if I give a man my youth. What if I give him 5-6 years of my youth and he never proposes, never gives me children? I'm going to lose on both commitment and motherhood; my beautiful and natural ability to have kids.

[Opinion Owner]

Why would u do wide duties at hook up or friends price , such a man is asking to be dumped leave him

[Opinion Owner]

Wife

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waves of a relationship while keeping an eye on your biological clock feels like trying to read a love letter in a bottle while riding a rollercoaster—thrilling yet terrifying, isn't it? The crux of the matter isn't about giving anyone your precious youth; it's about investing your time where you see potential growth, joy, and mutual respect. Love shouldn't feel like a trade. Instead, it's more about co-creating a future that resonates with both partners’ dreams and timelines.

When it comes to spotting someone who's in it for the long haul, actions speak volumes more than sweet nothings whispered in the dark. A partner ready for the next steps will show it through deeds—think about how they integrate you into their life, their planning for the future (do you pop up in their vision?), and importantly, how they handle compromises.

It's not about placing bets on a "he might change" or "he'll be ready eventually;" it's about finding someone whose readiness aligns with yours or is at least open to discussing a timeline that respects both of your needs. Remember, your need to have children within a certain timeframe is valid, and it's crucial to find a partner who not only understands that but is also eager to embark on that journey with you.

Nobody wants to feel like they're racing against time, especially not in matters of the heart. So, my advice? Don't make concessions on your dreams. A relationship should be a space where you can share your timelines without fear. If a man truly values you and what you bring to his life, he won’t think of waiting as time wasted but as time invested in a future bursting with mutual love and little feet. Keep those conversations open, honest, and upfront, right from the get-go. And never, ever, settle for less than what makes your heart sing. After all, it's about building a life together, not living on borrowed time.

[ManInChains]

Why should a man give years of his youth away to a woman without anything in return?

[Asker]

Do you realize man and woman have different market values, even from a biological evolutionary view? There is no universal equality. A man wouldn't care if I own 2 cars and have my own house but would care a lot that I'm young and fertile. Meanwhile for us it would be a stable man that's ready to form a family with us.

[Asker]

A man can wait all he wants to and still have kids, even at a much older age. We can't. We can't keep dating for years and years. At some point, we're going to have menopause.

[ManInChains]

Ah, yes. The wall all women hit. 🤣 If only more women knew of it. Maybe they wouldn't follow feminism anymore and wouldn't prefer careers over men. But I guess it's also true that men are thought to just fuck anything that moves. Giving them the stereotype that all men are dangerous and rapists. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

I think being good at math helps me think logically and stuck on fantasy land. If I were to follow the man's timeframe of 5 years then I'll would be 28 by then. So this would be my calculation if I were to follow his timeframe
Engaged at 28, married at age 29, first child at age 30, then 2nd child at age 32-33

Nope. I would like the my first child before age 30. In my early 30's, I would like 3 children by then. Do long cohabitation periods isn't doing me any good at all. I would be at great disadvantage if I waste too much time on the dating/romance stage as a childless girlfriend.

[Asker]

and not stuck on fantasy land. Yeah radical feminism is toxic. I can still extend my education (go for the Master's) after having kids, after having wisely used my youth. Having an education has no age.

[exitseven]

If you are looking to get married than this guy is all wrong for you. You should find somebody else.

[Asker]

I've already dumped him. Like I said, I only needed to hear the words ''5 years'' and his unwillingness to compromise on a minimum 2 year-old timeframe (max 3 years and no more). Now I'm single and on my way of finding someone that alligns with my goals and timeframe.

[exitseven]

I met my wife when I was 23. We had both been in other relationships. I had been in a few bad ones and I was really ready to get married. We got married when I was 25. It was almost 30 years ago.

[Asker]

Exactly. That's how it a real serious relationship should be like. Those 'my boyfriend of 8 years won't propose, why not'' stories are sad. That's not a boyfriend by then. That's just an extented friends with benefits (aka casual relationship) without the man saying they just wanted a casual relationship and keep fooling everyone by calling the woman his ''girlfriend''.

[exitseven]

If u asked my wife to move in with me her father may have shot me.

[Asker]

Things were better in the past. Now with the so called ''liberal, modern dating'' and replacing marrying just moving in together we're losing. A prologed dating period means shortened time for motherhood.

[exitseven]

People have checklists they have to do before they get married. Find a perfect job, buy a nice car, etc. Then they have another checklist before they ha e kids. They have to be at a certain income level, have to live in a nice neighborhood. It is a miracle that anyone has kids today.