I am depressed. And I cannot feel for my relationship. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Depression has always followed. It was going to happen. I come from a fucked up family where love and affection is inconsistent and confusing. I've always struggled emotionally but managed to keep going.

im at a point where i now feel overwhelmed with bottled and unresolved emotions - towards others and myself. I feel disconnected and numb some days. I recently had an assessment and approved for therapy…

i’ve been with my partner for 5 years. And he is the best man out there, honestly. And I do love him. I can’t access that love recently, though. Im neglectful. I want to be by myself. And I’m hurting him. He wanted to get married. I told him that is not the best thing right now. I told him about my struggles and the guilt of how I am affecting him. But he is adamant he wants to stay and continue with our relationship. I am not sure about it. Everything hurts and knowing im also hurting him while he is just waiting for me is killing me. I feel like a bad person. Im 25 and i can't get my shit together. Im hurting the only person that ever gave me love and affection and i don’t want to be with him because of it. He deserves more and i cannot give that to him now. Its killing me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that sounds really tough what you're going through. Dealing with depression is no joke, especially when it comes from a place of unresolved stuff from your past. I can understand why it would be affecting your relationship too.

A few things come to mind - First, I'm really glad you're taking the steps to get help through therapy. Getting professional support is so important when you're battling mental health issues. Having someone guide you through the emotions and teach new coping strategies will hopefully start to lift some of that numbness and disconnection.

As for your relationship, it's great that your partner wants to stick by you through this hard time. But I also get why you might feel like leaving is what's best for him. One thing I'd suggest is staying open with communicating how you're feeling and be honest if things start to get worse again. But also try not to make any huge decisions right now while you're in the midst of this depressive episode. Give the therapy a chance to start improving your mental state first.

If after some time and work, you still truly feel like you can't be what he needs, then at least you'll both go into any decision with clearer heads. But he seems committed to you even through the difficult stuff. I'd say try focusing on yourself first through therapy before completely ending things, if you think there's a chance the relationship could be salvaged once you're feeling more stable again. You deserve to feel happy too. Hope this perspective helps even a little bit - feel free to message me again if you need someone to listen. You've got this!

[Firestar01]

Seek professional help. Anything else you read here is just bullshit from armchair psychologists.

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that. Depression is rough. I can sense the pain in your words. It’s good you were approved for treatment. You’re doing the best you can considering the depression and childhood stuff. You deserve the love he’s trying to give you, by sticking with you during the tough times.. you’re just not used to it. *hugs*

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of hope and clarity into the mix here! First off, navigating the complex maze of emotions when depression knocks on your door is akin to trying to read a book in the dark. It's challenging and frustrating, but remember, finding the right light makes all the difference, and it sounds like therapy could be that light for you.

The journey through therapy is both brave and necessary. It's like signing up for a deep dive into the ocean of your emotions, with the ultimate treasure being a better understanding and management of your feelings. It's okay not to have your emotions all figured out yet. What's important is taking that first step towards healing, which you're already doing.

Now, about your relationship—it’s clear you're carting around a hefty bag of guilt for feeling like you're unable to reciprocate your partner's love due to your current state. But hey, the fact that he's choosing to stand by you through this storm shouts volumes about the depth of his feelings. That’s a rare kind of love, one that’s patient and understanding even when the skies are gray.

Here's a little lovebomb for you: dealing with depression is not a solo mission. It’s a team effort. Your partner seems ready to walk through fire for you, and while that’s no small feat, it’s also essential that you communicate openly about your needs and boundaries. Sharing your fears, hopes, and the progress you're making (or the lack thereof) can help him understand how to support you best.

Remember, you're not a bad person for experiencing depression or for feeling disconnected. You're a human navigating through some of life's toughest waves. And as for getting your "shit together," let me tell you, darling, we're all a work in progress. Let your therapist be your guide, lean on the support of your partner, and take it one day at a time.

Embrace the journey of understanding and healing yourself, not just for the sake of your relationship, but for you. You're not alone, and it’s perfectly okay to feel unsure and scared. Love, in its truest form, sticks around through the thick and thin. Give yourself permission to heal at your own pace, and let love—in its many forms—be the light guiding you out of the dark.