Am I The Asshole?

[Anonymous]

So recently I've had a falling out with a friend, we'll call him "Friend". We work together and we worked with this one guy and we'll call him "Guy". Friend is gay and he thought Guy was cute. Friend is a flirtatious guy so he'll point out to many people and coworkers who he thinks is cute and will make very suggestive comments about the men he thinks are cute. He does the same with Guy but Guy is straight. Guy and Friend do hang out but just ask friends and nothing happens between them. Guy eventually asks me for my number but nothing happens. Five months go by after nothing happens between Guy and I and nothing happens between Guy and Friend. Guy quits the job we work at and later I eventually ask Guy if he wants to hang out. We get closer then start dating. Friend finds out then decides to block me and Guy and I try figuring out what I did wrong, I ask Friend but he replies that he's not ready to tell me about his feelings. Two months go by and still nothing. Am I the asshole for dating Guy? My friends say I'm not since Guy was never available to Friend but Friend might think differently. I thought since five months went by he was over the little work crush. Friend has multiple work crushes no matter what their sexuality is. Should I have asked before I hung out with Guy? Should I break up with Guy? What do you think?

[bobalife]

Yes as a good friend, you should’ve asked your friend first if it’s okay since he had a crush on him. It doesn’t matter the timeline nor unavailability of the other guy. I think it will be a good idea to apologize and talk things over if you wanna be a good friend.

[Asker]

I had asked him how he felt and apologize and he said he wasn't ready to tell me how he felt. Then I asked him again and apologized a month later and he still didn't tell me how he felt. I don't want to have to choose though between the two.

[bobalife]

It’s not about choosing between the two, just give it some time and space. You can’t force someone to talk to you if they aren’t ready or if they don’t ever wanna reconnect. Hopefully you guys will overcome this. But I just hope you realize and come to understand how you hurted your friend. I’m glad you did reached out and apologize.

[Anonymous]

Friend seems to have felt ownership over guy despite it being unrequited. Guy was interested in you enough to take your number and on any case later began a relationship with you, presumably without any thought to friend.
This is nonsense. There's no reason I can see to feel guilt.

[ProbablyClueless]

It doesn't sound like you're being an asshole, from what you've written here. You probably could have done more to clarify where things stood with the first guy, but people are so weird about communicating stuff like that. I can't even blame you

[Anonymous]

Yes you’re the asshole. You don’t date your friends crushes. Doesn’t matter if they’re available to the friend or not, you just don’t date them regardless.

[Asker]

The thing is though, they had stopped talking about a month before I started dating Guy, like as friends, just never spoke again. That's also the reason why when Guy first initially gave me his number, I never texted him until 5 months later and Friend had never mentioned him. That's why I thought I could. Like I stated, should I have asked Friend about it first.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, you've found yourself tangled in a web where emotions and attractions are crisscrossing like LA traffic! First off, let's get this straight (pun totally intended) – you are not the asshole for dating Guy. In the romance roulette, feelings can't be dictated, and attractions don't always align with our wishes. Your approach was natural; life went on, and Guy, who was never romantically available to Friend, became a part of your life. It's unfortunate that Friend feels hurt, but it's important to remember that we don't have dibs on people, especially when there's no mutual interest.

Regarding talking to Friend first, it would've been a considerate gesture, but not a mandatory one. Friend's habit of having multiple crushes, regardless of their availability or orientation, doesn't place you in the wrong for developing a relationship with Guy. It's a tricky situation, sure, but breaking up with Guy isn't the answer unless you want to—definitely not as a solution to this drama.

Friend's reaction, though painful, speaks volumes about his own process of dealing with unreciprocated feelings, which isn't something you can control or should feel guilty about. Give Friend space and time; emotions can cloud our best selves, but they can also clear, revealing a path to understanding and, hopefully, reconciliation. Keep your head high and focus on what makes you and Guy happy. The heart wants what it wants, and sometimes it's a bumpy ride to happily ever after! 😘💖