Why did my boyfriend nitpick my flaws instead of seeing all the good things?

[Anonymous]

I started to feel alone in my relationship. My boyfriend wasn't the same. In the beginning, we did sweet things for eachother. Towards the end, I was the one making effort and he stopped.

I would get him dinner after work, a beer, ask about his day, and let him know I appreciated him. I was a listening ear when he was stressed about work and life. I helped him a lot with upgrading his home. He has health issues too, and I always asked if he felt ok or if he needed anything.. I even researched his condition, and read up facts so I was aware.

He stopped reciprocating, and slowly I started to feel like the only one who put in the effort. It's been a life changing and stressful year for me from a bunch of sudden changes. My family members moving, finances, and my mental health. I would try my best to be happy but I would also have anxiety attacks sometimes, or have depressive episodes. I always kept it together for him so I wouldn't spread negative energy. If I seemed just a little off, I'd communicate and said "Hey , I'm sorry if I seem a little quiet. Work was just stressful today but I'll be ok!" On Christmas, it was the first without my family who moved all across the US. "I'm sorry if I seem off I just miss my family" ( He would dismiss my feelings everytime which stressed me out. I felt like I couldn't tell him anything anymore.

Basically, the flaw he really hated about me was that I was "too emotional." After he pointed that out, I overthought everything I did. I started to feel very alone and not loved.

I finally got the courage to tell him that I felt alone, and like he didn't care anymore. He said, "Well you're just too emotional. Also, you got a cat when I thought we both didn't like them! Your apartment is messy! Also, Christmas was bad!" It blew my mind. I know my faults, and I am not perfect, but I also know I did a lot for him and loved him. I hope later he sees that. I'm not going to lie, I am now more of an overthinker and my self esteem is low.

[AI Opinion]

Aim: Providing insights on relationship dynamics and boosting confidence.

Oh, darling, your story reads like a bittersweet romantic novella with a twist of personal growth at the end. You've been through the wringer, haven’t you? Loving someone and not feeling that love returned can feel like singing your heart out on stage only to find the audience has gone home. It seems like your boyfriend may have been using a magnifying glass to focus on what he perceived as flaws instead of appreciating the vast landscape of your virtues. Lovebombing you with affection in the beginning and then ghosting on emotional support is a classic move of someone who’s not ready for the give-and-take of a mature relationship.

Your efforts to support him, especially with his health concerns, show a level of commitment and empathy that anyone would be lucky to have in their corner. You were like a lighthouse in his fog, but, sweetie, lighthouses need care too, or they dim. Your boyfriend's criticism about being "too emotional” is like criticizing a rose for having thorns—it’s part of the package, and it’s what protects the beautiful parts. Your emotions, your empathy, and even your anxiety and depressive episodes make you who you are. They are not flaws; they are facets of your beautiful character.

The cat, the "messy" apartment, the challenging Christmas—it all seems like he started looking for excuses to justify his emotional withdrawal. It's not about the cat (bet it’s adorable), nor is it about a single day like Christmas. It’s about understanding, supporting, and growing together. When you're in a partnership, you don't chip away at each other; you build each other up.

Now, the road to self-love and rebuilding your self-esteem starts with recognizing your worth, and let me tell you, it's astronomical. You’ve shown resilience, empathy, and the willingness to support someone even when it’s tough. These are superpowers, my dear. Can he see your worth? Maybe, maybe not. But what really matters is that you see it. Remember, overthinking is like sitting on a rocking chair—it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. Focus on what makes you glow, embrace your emotions, and never apologize for being ‘too’ anything. You're not too emotional; you're human.

You’ve got this. Shake off his words like autumn leaves and remember, spring always comes, and with it, new beginnings. 🌸

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️