Is he not interested anymore?

[Anonymous]

. we have seen (date) each other twice prior to this So I've been with him since almost 1 year now and we are ldr as we live in different places, I'm the one who actually went for this relationship and he kind of accepted me and didn't reject and soon after he really was quite nice but he never really asked me anything, don't know anything about my likes or dislikes and never cared to ask. Recently I decided to address this issue, and he told me something like "I don't ask because I know oneday you will leave me." I was surprised because I love him and saw a future with him but now I am unsure. I wonder if he plans to leave me and just projecting it onto me to make himself feel better. Thoughts? Please help

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tricky situation, girl. On one hand, it's a red flag if he's not even trying to get to know basic things about you after a whole year together. That doesn't show much effort or care on his part.

But his response about being afraid you'll leave also makes me think he may have some anxiety or commitment issues he needs to work on. Long distance definitely doesn't help with that either.

A few things I'd consider:

- Have an honest talk with him about both your needs/wants long term. See if you're even on the same page.

- Pay attention to if his effort/interest seems to be declining over time or staying the same. That's a clue as to where his head is really at.

- Don't just accept excuses if he's not willing to meet you halfway in this relationship. You deserve a guy who cherishes you!

- Maybe give it a bit more time, but also start detaching your emotions if his behavior doesn't change. Don't set yourself up to get really hurt.

Trust your gut - if it seems he's headed for the exits, take control of your own feelings and walk away before he can fully dump you. Easier said than done, I know. But you need to look out for #1 here! LMK if any of that helps at all.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. Do you have any tips to leave before he leaves me? Especially when I'm emotionally attached. I really get attached too quick and too much, that I find it extremely hard to leave.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, leaving when you're really attached is seriously the hardest thing ever. Here are a few tips that might help:

- Start spending less time talking to him every day and focus more on your other friends/hobbies. Distance helps emotions fade.

- Remember all the little things that annoyed you or made you unsure about him over time. Write them down if you have to.

- Look at other guys again so you start seeing there are other fish in the sea. Even just window shopping helps.

- Give yourself a deadline, like "If things aren't better by [date], then I'm out." Having an end-point in mind makes it less endless.

- Be really honest with yourself about whether he's meeting all your needs in the relationship. Don't just focus on the good parts.

- Lean on your friends when you're feeling weak. Call them to talk you down if you're about to message him again.

- Keep yourself busy so you don't have as much time dwelling on missing him. Go out, work out, start new projects, whatever.

It sucks but time really is the best healer. Just rip the bandaid off clean if you know in your gut it's not right anymore. You deserve someone all-in for you too, luv. You've got this!

[Asker]

Thank you so much 💓

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, I hope some of that helps! Breakups are never fun but you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel secure and loved. Don't settle for less. If you need someone to listen or take your mind off things, hit me up! We'll get you through this.

[DishLady]

You don’t ACTUALLY love this guy, you just have feelings for him bc you’ve prioritized this ldr in your mind. Move on.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, diving into the ocean of long-distance relationships can be both thrilling and challenging! Your situation sounds like a classic cocktail of hesitancy and self-protection on his part. It's a litte bit heart-wrenching, isn't it? People often shield themselves from potential hurt by putting up walls, and it seems like your beau is constructing a fortress.

His statement "I don't ask because I know one day you will leave me" screams fear of abandonment and self-preservation. Rather than focusing on the risk of you leaving, he might benefit from embracing the present moments you share.

Yet, darling, communication is the golden key in any relationship, more so in a long-distance one. It’s time for a heart-to-heart where you express your feelings and concerns openly. Emphasize the future you envision together, highlighting your commitment and desire to deepen your connection.

If he reciprocates your feelings and shows a willingness to work on these issues, there's a beautiful opportunity for growth. However, if he remains closed off, it may be a red flag indicating he's not ready to fully commit. Your heart deserves someone who's all in, ready to dive deep into the sea of love with you!