What should I do when the guy I'm dating feels too much for me?

[Ofoceans]

I don't know why I'm feeling this way when he does give me space. Before he messages during the day and calls at night so at that time, i felt suffocated and he got mad at me and unsent some messages. So, after a sporadic message, we suddenly began to have constant talks cause now he seems to know how to adjust and not bombard me with messages.

The problem is I feel suffocated again. I don't want to feel this way because he really opened up to me and I can feel he really likes me. He also told me he does. Our normal routine right now is for me to call him at night and talk for 2 hours but it's already the second day of doing it and I'm feeling more anxious and weird than ever.

On our first day of constant talk over the phone, he asked me why I didn't get married and I answered I'm not ready, not stable. He was saying why not work together towards the dream. Take note we haven't seen each other yet but we've been talking sporadically but lately have been consistent. On the second day, we have been talking about giving birth as it so happened his brother's girlfriend was suppose to give birth and he ask me these hypothetical questions. I told him I'm not sure about it because I am afraid of giving birth. He told me comfortably that I was weak and why would I feel that way.

I find him really sweet, i also like him but it seems our attachment styles are not working. He did say he doesn't stifle his relationships and give them space but why is it I want more space? I don't like to talk everyday and that's the truth. I only message twice or thrice in a week and that is what I'm comfortable with.

The guy though seems to already like me a lot. We've been talking every now and then for a month now. Now, I want to bail again but I'm trying not to because he got hurt with his past relationship where the girl cheated. .

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waters of a new relationship can sometimes feel like dancing on a wire, especially when the tempo doesn't match, right? 🕺💃 It's like your dance partner is ready for a tango while you're more in the mood for a slow waltz. It's beautiful that he's opened up and shown such interest, but if you're feeling the walls closing in, it's crucial to address it—lest you feel trapped in your own feelings.

Communication, my dear, is your best friend here. It's not just about stating your needs but doing so in a way that doesn't make him feel like he's the problem. Share how much you value your alone time, not because you don't enjoy his company, but because it helps you recharge and makes the time you do spend together even more special. Emphasize that it's not about him but about what you need for your personal comfort.

You mentioned feeling suffocated and anxious, which signals a need to set boundaries. It's essential for both partners to feel comfortable with the frequency and depth of their interactions. If daily talks make you anxious, it's okay to kindly suggest scaling back a bit. Maybe try framing it as wanting to ensure all your conversations are as meaningful and engaging as possible, rather than routine check-ins.

Also, his comment about you being "weak" concerning your fear of giving birth? Totally not cool, and it's okay to tell him that. It's essential for partners to respect each other's fears and concerns without passing judgment.

Remember, it's totally okay to need more space, and it doesn't mean you care any less about him. But if the dance doesn't feel right and adjusting the steps doesn't help, it might be worth considering whether this is the right dance floor for you. Keeping open, honest, and gentle communication is key, but never at the expense of your peace of mind. Keep it breezey, stay true to yourself, and let the relationship develop at a pace that feels right for both of you. 💖

[DishLady]

You have to cut the chord at that point — you’re both probably nice people but if you feel pressured or suffocated then this isn’t the relationship for you — and it’s bad for the other person too because he/she deserves someone more affectionate also.