I become uncomfortable with a guy I'm seeing because he's too romantic and cheesy?

[Anonymous]

You ever heard the phrase nice guys finish last? Well I think there's some truth in it. You know the guys that you're friends with and they're nice, but really nerdy and meek and intense. (I'm just being real here.) But I know this guy in question is so awkward that the thoughts of having sex with him seems completely... undoable. We've kissed before but sometimes I want to really make out and it's like he can't. It's like how teenagers kiss and hang out. I'm 21 and I want more at this stage. He's nice and sweet and lovely; but my experiences with men in the past have been so f'd up that maybe I'm just programmed to believe that all men are horndogs and that's what's meant to happen. Plus we've literally said we'll give it a shot like 2 days ago and he's already referring to it as "a relationship". I've told him it's not and we're just hanging out but he's already so f'ing intense that I'm freaking out. He's too sensitive, romantic and cheesy with what he says and just wants to stare into my eyes all the time. I'm not used to being treated like this. I'm all into the romantic stuff but I want more than just holding hands and staring at each other and giving each other a peck on the lips. I don't want to rush into actual sex as I'm still a virgin (so is he) but I want more than this. (He seems content with being the way we are)
I'm just pretty confused at the minute and I need advice. He's really into me but I worry that I'm not into him as much and that probably makes me a bitch to say that but as I said, I'm keeping it real. I feel we have an emotional connection but all the cheesy crap puts me on edge and I don't know how to react in those situations. My ideal guy would be really funny and I wouldn't care if he's awkward or anything like that as long as he can also step up when he needs to. At 21 I feel trapped at the thoughts of being in the intense relationship that he wants us to be in. Btw, we've been friends for two years and he's asked me out like 5 times.

[loveisbeautiful]

First, I have to know. Woman to woman, what do you women want? Because, it's
like you all complain about men being jerks and treating you poorly (which you said
you've had your own experience with), then when you get a nice who's sweet and willing
to commit. He's too nice and annoys you, so what do you want?

With that being said, it's a good question to ask yourself. I know people are
telling you "that's probably not how he really is, he just thinks that's what you want"
What if he really is that sweet, awkward, intense and romantic? Would you be able
to be with him as he is? You too have been friends for two years and since he's
asked you out 5 times and you just finally said "yes", maybe there's a reason you
never said yes to being with.

You said you're not use to being treated with respect and your other relationships
were messed up and the guys were "horndogs". Ever think that maybe you're just
scared? Since he's not trying to get into your pants and actaully stares into your
eyes, instead of always looking at your boobs. He's the opposite of what you're use to
and when we get use to being treated a certain way, it can get overwhelming when someone
starts treating us the opposite way of what we're use to. There's reason those past
relationships didn't work out. There's a reason why this guys nice gestures and
sweetness, bother you so much. It's up to you to figure out why, but don't automatically
assume it's because there's something wrong with him. Because, maybe it's not him
at all but instead you and your fear of being with a good guy. Because, you're not use
to it and you don't know know how to handle it. So, either tell him it's not gonna work out
or stay together and make it work. Either way, don't be one of those women who strings
the nice along, only to dump him later when a guy who can take charge and wants
get into your pants 10seconds after you meet him, comes along. Don't be that girl.

[loveisbeautiful]

No matter what, good luck to you. Hope it all works out for you.

[Asker]

Thank you , what an excellent response. I think you hit the nail on the head and you don't even know me!

[AlwaysBelieving]

@loveisbeautiful. Very well said.

[loveisbeautiful]

@AlwaysBelieving thank you

[goldenspice]

I get what you mean by the intense thing - its rather annoying isn't it! I always think when a guy is being too romantic and piling the cheese higher than usual its because they are trying too hard and that just kills it completely.
I think underneath... way underneath all that mozzarella, he's just as confused as you are. Doesn't seem like he's being his true self, just what he likely thinks you want him to be. And he's so wrong on that. lol
I think you do like him more than you are saying, just that its too annoying right now to deal. Let him know honestly that he doesn't have to really go there with some of his attempts. He may calm down once he knows you are okay with him being himself.

[Asker]

Thank you! I think you're right. They say the best relationship is an honest one. I'll try to tell him but I don't know if it'll work. He told me he's too romantic and he can't help it. I told him he was too intense before and he said he would take that on board but we're back to square one again. I don't think he can help himself. But in contrast I am sooo not like that. Maybe we're just not well suited.

[goldenspice]

Maybe you aren't? Its possible. But it seems like he is somewhat vulnerable (I could be wrong, but some really romantic guys are) and it may get worse if you break it off entirely. You could be looking at endless amounts of roses being delivered to your door and teddy bears floating from helicopters in the sky with 'I love you' banners over your rooftop.
Hopefully he tones it down a bit, if nothing else, just to save you from all that. lol

[Cherokeehp]

He sounds sweet but it seems like you're looking for someone more exciting. I think you should give this whole relationship thing a shot because it seems like he really likes you. If you want to make out with him maybe you should initiate the make out session. He can't read your mind. If it doesn't work out just be honest with him.

[Meedo]

You need to find a man with a balance... i don't think there is something wrong with you. It is that you are on two different levels.. you want excitement because you are a normal girl and can afford waiting and getting other men chasing you. He is shy and probably clingy to you because he can't get others. So what happens is that he is trying to use the skills that he has on you. Where did he get it.. the movies.. romantic movies teach men crap.

You are simply attracted to confident and not shy guys. But beware.. some confident men are too much on the other side of the spectrum.. they are forward, sexual , dont care much and are nearly never romantic... so your quest is to search for a guy with the middle ground.

[Asker]

Thanks. I think you hit the nail on the head. He is too sensitive. But I normally am attracted to the strong confident types (many women's downfall.) The latter often ends up being really horny and uninterested in anything other than sex. I have had a few guys interested in me over the years. But no one serious. Because I was infatuated with them and they were just content with me. People say I'm pretty but I'm also a total dork, really clumsy, extremely awkward and hyperactive. I'm not the stereotypical "girlfriend" material. I also don't have a romantic bone in my body. I'm incredibly cynical and I'm a 21 year old virgin (there aren't many around these days) I could have had sex with many men in situations where we were making out etc but I always wanted to stop it before actual sex because I didn't feel like it was the right setting. Now that I'm 21 going on 22 I would like to have sex (alot) and it's important to me that the guy wants that too and can do it when it comes down to it

[Asker]

... In other words, I want to be with someone who I'm physically turned on by. And the way this potential relationship is going, I'm already not physically turned on by him. But he does this thing where he holds hands and starts rubbing his hands everywhere and it just makes me weirded out. Like it's not even in a sexual way just in a weird way. Like rubbing his hands all over my hands, arms and legs (fully clothed, obvs) Maybe serious relationships aren't so much about being physical but more about being emotionally connected. But having said all of that maybe I'm nto ready for something so emotionally daunting (and crippling) As you said, I want it to be exciting but it's already starting to feel like we're old married companions in how we are with each other and tonight was our first date. So yeah, kinda lame.

[Meedo]

Even long term relationships need a spark at the beginning. Good attraction is important. You will be doing yourself and him a disservice if you stay with him. He needs to work on himself and his skills. The stuff that he is doing is one slice of the cake.. but he is missing the banter, the sexual flirting, the adventure, surprise , excitement and being a bit rough leading man. Women want as complete a man as much as possible. Basically you want a faithful semi bad boy.. and nothing wrong with that... . and since you aren't particularly romantic.. he is overwhelming you with feelings you do not reconcile with your character. There is nothing to feel guilty about... you can be upset or may be sad... but if you end it with him respectfully but firmly.. you will be giving him a chance to reflect on himself.

[Lisa_Zhang]

yea he's a boy.. not a man with his own self and strength
its cute at first and all, but its very annoying in the long run, feels like having sex with a little brother or something
and those boys are always so full of BS, if you leave then they will DIE or something... its so childish and such a turn off

[Asker]

Point taken. That's what my gut says. But I've gone with my heart before always my heart and never my head. This time I'm trying to go with my head...

[Calex]

Relationship Claustrophobia, yes?

[Asker]

Possibly. The whole serious relationship thing is alien and weird to me; and being respected by someone of course. He's nice but he's not fun, if you get me...

[Calex]

Yes. I get ya. :P

[Asker]

So... Advice? xD

[Calex]

Just tell him to lose his fedora xD

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[Calex]

It's too emotionally generous. I wouldn't classify it as nice, but the cheesyness comes from the feeling as if he was your father or something, and it just makes you sick and want to get some fresh air :P