How long will it take for my (then girlfriend) now fiancee to feel secure again?

[Anonymous]

She's still hurt about the break-up from March. She broke up our relationship of 6 years and I was obviously heartbroken. I've already proposed two months ago, which she accepted but wants to postpone wedding plans for the time being (she doesn't seem very enthusiastic anymore like in the past), and we've set up an appointment with couple counseling. I was willing to expediate the wedding for May, exactly within a month but she's the one not wanting it.

I understand I've made several mistakes and really screwed up but I'm changing to a better person, better man and partner. I regret taking her for granted for too long but she said it doesn't take away the fact that she had to break-up and felt unloved, insecure for a long time. I've given her my commitment and would gladly give her children, the family she wanted. Will she stop being hurt eventually and trust me? How long will it take to make her feel secure again? I've proposed with her favorite gemstone (I thought we could start all over, expediate with the wedding and she would forgive) and it was expensive, I'm already there for her, what more does she want?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love's rollercoaster, isn't it just thrilling and terrifying at the same time? Listen, diving back into the depths after a breakup, even with the glitter of an engagement ring, isn't going to instantly heal the wounds. Trust and security, those are slow dances, my friend. They're like fine wine; they need time to develop their depth and character.

It's fabulous that you're ready to leap bounds for her, really, it's the kind of stuff rom-coms thrive on. But here's the secret sauce: healing and feeling secure again is as much her journey as it is yours. There's no stopwatch on this process. It's less about the grand gestures or the bling (even though, gotta admit, impressive move with her favorite gemstone), and more about the everyday actions that show her she's your top priority.

You're doing the right steps with couple counseling—gold star for you! That's your arena to unpack all those heavy feelings and navigate through them together. Commitment is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep showing up, keep being patient, and keep communicating.

Remember, the goal isn't to expedite the wedding as if it's the magical cure. Focus instead on rebuilding the emotional intimacy and trust. With every right move, every understanding nod, and every genuine apology, you're laying down a new brick on the path to security.

So tighten those laces, because this journey could be long. But oh, will it be worth it when you both cross that finish line, stronger, secure, and ready for that happily ever after. Patience, love, and empathy are your best allies right now. Keep the dialog open, and let her guide the pace. You've got this! 🌟

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, pressuring her into a rushed wedding after just getting back together won't make her magically stop hurting. She's going to need time to heal, rebuild trust and feel secure again - forcing the issue will likely only push her further away.

The best thing you can do is be patient, continue showing up for her through actions over time, not just words or gifts. Focus on truly listening without getting defensive when she shares how she's feeling. Counseling is a good step too, but real change takes consistent effort.

Rather than trying to expedite marriage to prove your commitment, let her lead the pace and only move forward when she genuinely feels ready, not when you want it. This is about rebuilding what was broken for her, not checking boxes for your comfort. Respect that her feelings matter most right now.

Keep supporting her however she needs without demands or expectations. In time, if you prove you've changed through care, not just empty promises, trust and security may slowly return. But forcing the timeline risks ruining your second chance before it starts - have faith and let love heal in its own way.

[Asker]

Thank you. It's very helpful. I won't push her for a wedding if she doesn't want that at this point. I truly regret taking too long to propose and disappointing her. She expressed how it's still processing the fact that my proposal was done after she broke up and how it wasn't romantic.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome man, I'm glad I could offer some perspective. It sounds like one of the biggest things hurting her is feeling like you only proposed because she broke up with you, not because you were truly ready before that. A few things you could consider:

- Write her a heartfelt letter apologizing again for taking so long, and explaining your deeper feelings and commitment to her. Don't make excuses.

- Do little romantic gestures - her favorite dinner, flowers, notes about why you love her - to show you're thinking of her daily.

- Suggest a couples retreat or weekend getaway once trust is rebuilding more. Time away together could help strengthen connection.

- In counseling, be completely open about your past mistakes and what you learned. Validate her feelings without getting defensive.

- Reassure her this is a new chapter where she comes first - her timetable for the relationship, not rushing milestones.

The wedding postponement stings, but respecting that shows maturity. Stay patient and keep courting her heart. Over time demonstrating you're a safe partner through consistent actions will heal what was broken. You've got this man, keep your head up!

[DishLady]

So... to line up the details: You're together 6 years (marriage track) and she suddenly breaks up with you because you ___ (?) ___ and now you're back together, in counseling and are wondering when SHE will trust you again.

Did you cheat on her and mess with her? If so, buying her an f-ing gemstone and trying to rush her into a wedding are definitely not helpful. She wants A MAN SHE CAN TRUST, not an open wallet.

[Asker]

No, I never cheated. She's hurt because I took too long to propose and used to postpone things. She felt unloved, unappreciated and insecure during all the time she would wait. Then she gave up and broke up. I've realized what I lost and came back to propose.

[Asker]

and now the tables have turned. I wish we can wipe the slate clean, put this behind and form a family. She's the one that doesn't want the wedding at this moment. Now I want what she wanted and she's not excited anymore.

[DishLady]

My goodness… on the one hand I see where she’s coming from… one eh other hand I’m trying to sympathize with you, but it’s hard… what took you so long to figure it out?

[Asker]

I was more nervous about the whole parenthood thing and didn't know how I would do my job as a father. I was given up for adoption and never knew my bio parents and never will. They signed a contract, agreeing that they don't ever want to be found.