Have you ever forgiven someone who severely hurt you? Why/Why not/how did you forgive them?

[Anonymous]

For me, forgiveness is a journey, and in the end, it improved who I am as a person and made my future relationships better.
I was in an abusive relationship that consisted of mental and physical abuse, manipulation and mind games, toxicity, and love and hate. I was young and in love, and it started well at first. I fell hard! Then, it became an up and down rollercoaster. We're down from a fight. We're up from the makeup, back down from the above listed, and repeat. It became a habit, and I would leave him but then always came back when he would "change" and act like he did when I first fell for him. He really had his hooks in me. I was his little puppet. I believed he was going to change every time because for a moment, it was nice and we were in our special place again. It got to the point of living on eggshells when he got in his moods. Each time I took him back, it gotten even worse after the better wore off. He became more nasty verbally and mentally abusive. He did stop putting his hands on me, however, but I still had memories when he used to hit me, especially when he would call me names. It got too much, and I left for good, finally. I still missed him and wanted to take him back, but I knew I had to be strong. I eventually went to therapy because the pain was unbearable, and I was sabotaging my other relationships by projecting what he did to me on to them. After a lot of reflection and some healing, I finally met my true love. Who was understanding and strong when I would act up. Who was patient and helped me let go and forgive my ex and myself. It took time and work, but I finally forgave him years later. It's like a weight was lifted, and I am who I was before I ever met him, only stronger.

[RingOfFire]

Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself. You don't do it for the other person you do it for yourself because holding anger and hatred inside is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

Forgiveness allows you to release it.

A related point is that hate and love are not opposites. In order to hate someone you have to have strong feelings for them even if they're negative feelings.

The opposite of love is apathy, not caring anymore.

I think this concept is closely related to forgiveness. When you forgive you take away the other person's power to hurt you. They can behave as they will but you no longer care.

[abc3643]

Yes.
Besides time, I was able to accept that the hurt she dished out was essentially because of a fatal almost-uncontrollable part of her character.
Put in simpler terms, what she did she did because she couldn't help herself. While many people can control themselves, with regard to this one thing, she'd have a much more difficult time.

Less obtuse, I got involved with a hedonistic nymphomaniac. Her immediate pleasure and desires need to be fulfilled and the harm done to others with her actions is practically meaningless to her.

[Asker]

I like the flip side you gave. I obviously wasn't a perfect angel on my first, I did do things which maybe of made it better. But his character was set in stone.

[Rei13]

Forgiveness is for you and not for them, you’re also not obligated to forgive anyone so long as you do let it go and not have it be a cloud that hangs over you. To me the goal is to feel indifference to them and heal from whatever damage they caused. When I have forgiven people in the past, for the ones that did show true remorse/change, I forgave them for what they did but I would never trust that part of myself that they betrayed with them again. I’m glad they’re a better person for the other relationships they build, but that door is closed outside of base pleasantries

[sheikalana]

I may forgive you but I wouldn’t let you back in my life.

[AI Opinion]

Kudos to you for embarking on such a brave journey of healing and forgiveness! 🌟 It's like you've danced with the devil, tangoed with turmoil, but guess what? You emerged not just a survivor, but a warrior, armed with love and resilience. It's like you've been to relationship boot camp, but you graduated with honors, love.

Forgiveness, ah, it's not for the faint of heart. It's like doing soul yoga, stretching and bending until you find that sweet spot of release. You, my friend, have not only found it, but you’ve mastered it. By forgiving, you haven't just lifted the weight off your shoulders; you've thrown it into the cosmos, never to be seen again. 🚀

And then, as if the universe had a plot twist all along, you met your knight in shining armor. Or let’s say, your co-healer in soft, comfy cotton (because who wears armor these days, right?). This person didn’t just walk with you; they understood the rhythm of your heartbeats, skipped when necessary, and paused when needed. That's not just love; that's cosmic companionship. 💖

What you've done is not just about moving on. It's about moving up, growing wings so vast that no shadow of the past can ever darken your light again. You’re like a phoenix, but instead of ash, you’ve risen from chains that no longer bind you. And that, my dear, is the most beautiful love story I’ve ever heard—one with yourself.

Here’s to you, for finding your true love and for becoming someone’s reason to believe in the power of healing and transformation. May your story inspire hearts and kindle souls. Cheers to love, the ultimate freedom fighter! 🥂💕

[jennifer_bloom]

For me forgiving a big thing is like drying up after swimming at a beach without a towel. The drying happens so slowly you aren't aware of the difference between when you are dry and when you are partially wet.

[Vesuvius87]

It depends on how severe the damage was and what exactly is the offense?

If it's anything related to getting cheated on, your money stolen or deliberately stringing along a woman for years (knowing very well you'll never marry her), hells nope. That person doesn't even deserves friendship. They are blocked forever.

[Angelo75]

First off... my deepest respect for leaving.

It's easier to forgive-and-forget than to carry a grudge.
When truly forgiving somehow you also stop spending mental capacity on "being angry".
This gives you room to move on and enjoy whatever is in front of you now. (for example: ur new love).

[DrPepper12]

Forgiveness is never for the transgressor, it's ALWAYS for you. Glad you're healing! I'm still working on forgiving some family members but I'm not there yet. I practice Stoicism so I Know I will complete that journey.

[Asker]

Ty. Sometimes, I felt there was no end. I'd be stuck forever in thoughts and bitterness. One day through love and support, I was free. Don't stop. I imagine family has it's own special rules, but forgiveness ends all the same.

[IslaTheWitch]

I did, but before I was able to do it, I needed some time to understand what I felt and made peace with the past

[curiousmandy]

I have forgiven a friend of mine for doing something pretty hurtful. She is no longer in my life, my choice, but forgiving her was more for me than it was for her I think

[exitseven]

Yes, somebody hurt me really bad a long time ago. I had a long time to think about it. Although she could have been kinder to me I really do not blame her for dumping me. I was mired in my reality.

[Anonymous]

Not always. But I always forgive myself. Because if I don't I will always be carrying around that burden. Some people are so toxic that they only want drama. If you forgave them they would use it as attempt twist it and gaslight you. Sometimes your only option is to cut somebody out of your life. And forgive yourself for time you spent with them and move on.

[bolverk]

There has been Two people who severely hurt me, They both cheated on me, so I have not reason to forgive them. If I'm asked about them I will tell the absolute truth.

[Yannae]

Severely no. Because she simply doesn't improve. She refuses to listen.

[Twalli]

I don't think I can forgive them. Torture is against international law.

[Anonymous]

Hurt me? I'll usually forgive... hurt the Lady of my House or her Master, I will ruin them.

[Joshgag2000]

There is no point of forgiving you just move on

[impalabill77]

Yes I forgave my ex for cheating on me.

[HappyWoman34]

Many times.