Honestly what's worse, our time getting wasted or 1/2 of a man's money/resources taken away?

[Shelly2002]

Both involved a cruel person stealing someone's market value. Men and women are obviously valued differently. When it comes to love and relationships or marriage, what's worse?

- A man that promises the world and purposely wastes the woman's time and years. Then when she gets to a certain age, she gets ditched for someone younger. Not only she doesn't get those years back but she's depressed about possibly not being able to have kids anymore. The guy destroyed her years and her motherhood. We are afterall valued for our youth and fertility. Men don't care too much about our careers.

- A golddigger makes it harder for the rest of us to find a good family-oriented man. She uses him with charm but somehow he doesn't realize what she really is like. She got what she wanted and then wants to ditch him for no reason (just that she got bored, that's it), just for monetary incentive. She gets half of what poor man's hard work, destroying his market value he worked hard for.

I really sympathize with both cases. No one deserves getting their market value destroyed by cruel narcissists. Though personally I think the first case is worse. Money can eventually be earned back even if it takes years or longer. However, once we can't have babies anymore, that's not ever gained back, literally never. If our motherhood is taken away, it's forever gone. Money isn't forever gone.

Woman's fertile years wasted and motherhood gone forever

1/2 of a man's money, hard work resources stolen

Other

[Wolf_Thunderspirit]

I think that compares apples to oranges. Both situations are horrible. Neither had placed partnership as a priority, and therefore the 'partnership' was one-sided, which is doomed to fail, and leaves a victim in its wake.

For my money, that leaves Karma. It happened to my ex who both left me high and dry, and broken and penniless, but even worse - she left me absolutely void of anything inside. I suffered 3 consecutive nervous breakdowns and had to rebuild myself from broken pieces. To this day, I've never chanced to love that way again, unable to give even my present wife what she deserves - 100%. there's always a part of me worried about being hurt, so I reserve that 10% so I don't have to pick up that one piece from the floor when the inevitable happens.

She wouldn't be my wife if I even thought she'd do that to me. But my brain cannot function well enough for me to tell it that it won't.

All thanks to the mother of my son. Who has used every man she's come across, including my son and his wife who she's now living with! She's no one's prize, and Karma came a calling - 3 failed marriages, kids that won't speak to her, and now my son feels responsible to take care of her because of how I raised him to be.

My point is that people like this eventually find their looks fail them, their trail follows them, and their behavior smells like dirty gym clothes forgotten in a corner of the laundry room after a month. Karma.

[Shelly2002]

I actually believe in karma whoever does someone so wrong. I know this is comparing apples to oranges but men and women aren't exactly the same. They have different weaknesses and are valued for different purposes.

[Wolf_Thunderspirit]

I understand... But I believe that you should make the comparisons equally - such as this:

- A person that promises the world and purposely wastes the other's time and years. Then when that person gets to a certain age, they get ditched for someone younger. Not only don't they get those years back but their depressed about possibly not being able to have kids anymore, due to age, illness (such as diabetes or reproductive cancer), or other reasons.

- A person sets their sights only on money. They use the other person but somehow the victim doesn't realize what they are really like. They get what they wanted and then ditch the victim for the next, trying to acquire more wealth with a younger and naive person. They sue for divorce, claiming abandonment when the victim was working all the time and giving them no attention.

In these, you still have apples and oranges between the two scenarios, so you can't logically quantify which is 'worse'. But by taking gender out, you are eliminating that one distinction that inherently will swing the "n" toward bias (females favor the female, males favor the male, and homosexuals favor their own gender or do not participate because the bias does not even represent them). At least with this; it should favor the 'time and years' argument, because money is replaceable.

[Wolf_Thunderspirit]

(cont) In either case, though, I don't think that would comfort the victims. Trauma cannot truly be compared, in any case.

Take, for instance, my fear of death is drowning. I can't go on ocean cruises or be on ships where the shoreline is out of view. But another's fear of death might be fire, another might be being mauled like Timothy Treadwell and his girlfriend by bears. Those people are absolutely fine on an ocean cruise, but the one can't be near gas stoves, furnaces, and fireplaces. The other can't go near Zoos or watch nature documentaries. Is my fear of death worse than the other two? Not at all - for all of us, our unique fears are the worst... for us. But collecting data and finding out more people fear fire than drowning doesn't change my fear at all. I don't forget my fear of drowning, nor adopt a fear of fireplaces. Given that reason, comparisons between apples and oranges doesn't really work.

The final truth is what I've stated: Both are horrible, and both represent the dregs of society victimizing innocence. However, the worst is that the victim will likely blame themselves for years for becoming a victim. Both will wish they foresaw the end far ahead of the 'too late' deadline.

For instance, it was never stated how old the Goldigger victim was. What if he was in his late 60s when his 10 year younger wife took him for half his worth and ran off with (what is likely) a cougar chasing gold-digger of her own? He's probably saddled with ED and can't get his fortune back, and just short of retirement. The house is sold and assets divided, he's living in an apartment on what little he has left. He's essentially set up in God's waiting room, waiting to punch out for the final time. What time does he have left and what's the quality of that life?

[Wolf_Thunderspirit]

(cont 2) Lets say he was younger and head over heels in love with a gold-digger. Is Melancholy and Suicide not relevant in this question of which is worse? How does that compare to not being able to have a child? The question has too many variables to consider; and I'm firmly convinced that both victims deserve love and support; but not favoring which is worse. If I had two friends and these were their conditions, I'd love and care for them both - not weigh my odds. Who knows, maybe i should introduce them to eachother. They just might find happiness together!

[Shelly2002]

Thank you. You have a great point. That's the best answer ever so far. Yes I've noticed other women voting for the our fertility and men voting more for the money issue and then for option other.

[ProbablyClueless]

Both are pretty foul, like you said. I think that we have to acknowledge (in fairness) that men waste lots of our own money and women waste a ton of their own time.

If we didn't waste our own time/resources so much, it wouldn't be as big of a deal when the other gender did it.

[Shelly2002]

Exactly. Meanwhile I'm understanding towards men's concerns, I think some men don't understand our worries about wasting our youthful years too much (that means less time for motherhood, each time we spend it on a boyfriend that isn't going to commit) and seem oblivious to our biological clock. It would be nice if there was more empathy towards both genders, for them to step aside and place themselves in our shoes, just like I do sometimes when men talk about their issues.

[ProbablyClueless]

I can tell you from a man's perspective that a lot of the reason men aren't more empathetic to women's dating situations is because of how often we see women in our lives fucking over the good guys to go after the plainly bad ones.

We really see it happen a lot. And it's frustrating to hear a woman complaining about having her time wasted when she's going after guys who are so upfront and honest about the fact they will not give her what she's looking for.

[Shelly2002]

If the guy was honest and upfront about never wanting kids and she's still going after him, trying to change him then that's lacking common sense. I would think most with common sense would go for a man that was like-minded goals.
What I've seen though is how certain men pretend to have the woman's same goals, mislead and say anything they want to hear just to get in our pants. That's terrible on their part.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the rocky terrain of love and heartbreak, it's like comparing apples with oranges when we talk about wasted time versus financial resources. Both are painful, but let's get into the nitty-gritty! 🕺💔

Time, my dear friend, is irreplaceable. It's that rare jewel that, once gone, never comes back, leaving behind a trail of 'what ifs' and 'could haves.' Especially when it comes to the dream of motherhood being taken away, it's not just about losing time; it's about losing a piece of your future, a dream unfulfilled. Imagine missing the chance to argue about what bedtime story to read, or whose turn it is to play the bad cop. It’s a void that eCommerce or a quick dash to the bank can’t fill. 💔🕰

On the flip side, diving into the financial fiasco, yes, losing half of your hard-earned dough to a gold-digger stings. It’s like reaching the last level of your favorite video game, only to have someone hit the reset button. But here's the kicker: money, although it may take time, can be earned back. It's a cycle of earning, losing, and earning again, much like the seasons change or how every coffee lover knows there’s always another shot of espresso waiting. 💸💔

Both situations teach us invaluable lessons about love, trust, and the importance of wearing those rose-colored glasses with a bit of caution. It highlights the cruel reality that sometimes, in love, the biggest risk isn't falling for the wrong person, but rather, the aftermath of such a fall. Whether it's time or money, the real loss is the piece of ourselves that we give away. So, let's dust ourselves off, learn our lessons, and remember, whether you're navigating through time or dimes, the best investment you can make is in yourself and your emotional intelligence. Because darling, that’s where your true market value lies. 🚀❤️

[Apple1996]

More money can always be made so that doesn't matter at all in comparison to time being wasted. We all eventually run out of years to live so it's never good to waste time

[Shelly2002]

That's pretty much time. Even if you lose a good portion of your money, yes it's very upsetting and hurts but you can earn recover some money. In comparing to time being wasted, you can't ever recover that, it's gone forever.

[JacobJordan]

The reason why women are given half in the event of a divorce is because of at fault divorces which required proof of wrongdoing. Eventually states implemented no-fault divorces meaning either party could leave at any point. But they didn't change anything else. If a woman can leave for no reason she doesn't deserve anything. She is welcome to leave with the clothes on her back and a suitcase. Personally I don't prescribe to the notion of divorce for any reason. I am aware people marry abusive partners but they were abusive before the marriage and you still said yes. That was stupid and that is your prize for playing stupid games. I have little sympathy for people that end up in abusive relationships because they ignored the signs for years.

[Shelly2002]

In the case the woman already knew he was abusive but still marries him, the children need to be taken away from them and be put into foster care or placed with other caring people. Those parents would deserve to permanently lose custody.

[JacobJordan]

Absolutely. Kids should never suffer because of poor choices made by parents.

[Anonymous]

A man's resources.

Because a man's resources are something tangible and a woman's time is not. And even if it was, money is time served so to speak. Money doesn't grow on trees (I know women think it does, but that's because so few actually work for it).

And on the flipside a woman's time typically was her own choice to make. Men typically do not waste a woman's time women typically do not use thier head, makes a d emotional choice and chooses a man who has no real interest in her. This goes back to women taking no responsibility for her poor choices.

Think about it! Women have more power and freedom then they've ever had in history! And they're complaining more then they ever have. Why? Because they have free reign of thier life and they make one bad choice after another. But inexplicably if you ask a woman he's still to blame somehow.😆

[Shelly2002]

I think the women that get stuck in those forever girlfriend or long-term fiancee situations, invested too much feelings into this and somehow the man played them good. This is what I hope I never get into. I have no experience, never been intimate ever. I guess it's more likely to get taken advantage of if she's inexperienced. So I'm going old fashion and saving it till wedding, no living together period. Logically that's the realiable and safer way.
I actually really feel terrible for the men in those cases. There must be a way to remove the monetary incentive thing and use it only for extremely, exceptional cases such as the husband really abusing his wife and kids or he doesn't just cheat but gets another woman pregnant.

[Shelly2002]

What if I don't want his money and really don't need it. I live on my own already and have my own assets. Would the court still give it to me even if I don't want it?

[Opinion Owner]

Not if you don't want it.

[Shelly2002]

Ok cool. I don't want to steal from anyone. I got scammed last year. There goes $3,000 I'm not getting back ever. I know how it feels. I know this is a small price but it still hurts to get your hard earned money taken.

[HawkPerception]

It doesn't matter if your time is wasted. You can say the same about the man. His time was also wasted. At no point should being with someone entitle you to half their assets or what they've worked towards accumulating their whole life. That logic makes 0 sense. Prenups need to be mandatory.

[Shelly2002]

Both genders get their time wasted but in different manners. We're not exactly the same as men and even from a biological evolution (going back to even when our species started reproducing), the genders are valued differently and have different functions. My examples are about what can hurt both genders the most. What hurts one gender the most isn't the same for the other gender.

When has a man care about our degrees and we crying over losing part of our money? Even if a woman is poor, scammed (I did get scammed once but it's embarrassing, never got my money back) and left penniless by a bastard, if she's young and fertile, that's enough. Not exactly the same for a man.
I'm actually against the monetary incentive and wouldn't mind if it's removed, only to be used in very exceptional reasons such as the husband is a very horrible person that has beaten his wife, abuses the kids or didn't just committed adultery but got the other woman pregnant. Otherwise, it shouldn't be used. I think if she wants to divorce just because she's bored or there was no chemistry anymore, she doesn't deserve any of his money.

[Vesuvius87]

Stolen money can still be made but time lost can't ever be recovered. Losing years of your life and aging can't ever come back.

[Anonymous]

That's an easy one. The obvious answer is B. Women can choose to not stay with a man who is wasting their time. But most men have no choice in the matter of their wives divorcing them and destroying their lives. Half or marriage end in divorce, women file 80% of them and men get screwed in divorce court and child custody settlements. That's one of the biggest reasons there is an epidemic of suicide among middle aged men.

[Shelly2002]

I got scammed last year ($3,000 I'll never see again; stupidly fell for a love scam, stupid me) so I have an idea of what's it like getting your part of your money (your hard work) stolen. Obviously it's not as much as those men but still, money stolen still hurts.
One question though. I already live on my own and have my own assets. What if I don't want his stuff nor money? Would the court still give it even if I refuse. I really don't like taking away people's money and I sure didn't like it at all when I got scammed.
I think this monetary incentive after filing for divorce should only be given for really exceptional cases such as a legitimate violent husband that beats his wife and kids or he had an affair for years and got his mistess pregnant.

[exitseven]

I do not know the answer. Both options are terrible. It just seems sad that it happens.

[adam6402]

And what happens when the woman is the one who files for divorce? She wastes his time AND takes half of his hard earned money and assets.

[Shelly2002]

That's been explained on my examples. I clearly explained the market value for each gender. Our market values aren't the same as a man's market value. Men don't care if we're rich and lost some of our money. They care more when you're young and fertile to reproduce healthy offsprings. Take that away from us and she lost her value; that's a direct attack towards her as a person and as a woman. When a gender's (man or woman) market value is directly attack, it obviously effects the person greatly.
I actually empathize with both cases and I'm actually in favor of monetary incentive removed and only used in a real exceptional case such as a horrible husband beating his wife (he's such a horrible person that not even his male friends like him) or he didn't just had an affair but got the other woman pregnant. Other than that, a woman divorcing him just for trivial things deserves nothing.
What that man in your sentence still has is the ability to naturally father kids as long as possible. Meanwhile our fertility is gone forever if not used wisely.

[adam6402]

That's a really good explanation!!

[OddBeMe]

Def people that swindle their way into bed are the worst. I hope we all learn how to spot them.

But “stolen” alimony is a bit exaggerated.

[LiamJHayden]

I think people should be able to create marital contracts / agreements without government being able to change the terms at the whim of the politicians. That would solve a lot of the issues.

[Shelly2002]

I would agree with removing monetary incentives and only used for exceptional reasons such as real, legitimate abuse in the marriage where he beats or rapes her or he didn't just committed adultery but got the other woman pregnant.

[Shelly2002]

an exceptional case means he would have to be proven to be a super, horrible enough that even his own male friends are against him. When a guy's friends of his own gender don't like what he did, it means he really screwed up and it's very bad. I've seen that happening once; when men calling other men's bad behaviors out and aren't afraid to say they're in the wrong when it's wrong.

[Anonymous]

I would say the time factor is worse but the money usually comes with extra unwanted baggage

[Juxtapose]

Men get their time wasted and their money gone. Who the fuck cares about fertility bullshit? If it matters that much to you then freeze your eggs.

[AngryCarl]

Both of those outcomes sound undesirable. Women have many options but they don't always exercise good judgement.

[Shelly2002]

Those examples are what hurts both genders the most. Both genders have different weaknesses. Destroying our youth and fertility is an attack to our very core. No amount of money (even if she were rich) is going to bring her value back. Men get affected by leaving him penniless since it's the very resource he worked hard to get; an attack to his very core.

[Anonymous]

Both of your time gets wasted, but only he gets his money/resources taken away.

[Shelly2002]

Perhaps if there was a way of stopping some of our eggs from aging, preserving them forever and those were taken out and used for a pregnancy via a fake womb (if technology advances so much) then I would've voted B. It's the fact that our motherhood is gone forever, you can't ever get it back that kills it. The woman in that situation is likely grieving so much about never being a mother, never having her dream fullfilled.

[Opinion Owner]

Male fertility generally begins to decline around age 40 to 45, which can make it more difficult for men to get women pregnant. What if he really wanted to be a father?

Even if that only happened to women, with how expensive it is just to be alive, I still think losing your money/resources is worse.

[Shelly2002]

It's true a male's fertility can decline with age (that's why they required sperm donors to be young) but that's the difference, there is still a possibility of him impregnating a woman even if it's lowered. Lower chance is different than zero chance. Sometimes there is hope with fertility treatments, some home, even little hope is better than no chance at all.
If it was the case of a real, infertile man with a condition he was either born with or has and the doctors tell him he'll NEVER (not declined, but literally never) get a chance to impregnant a woman ever and he wanted his own child, that must be just as painful as the woman in the situation.
But yeah money/resources is hurtful too. Agree.

[Blancasuave]

Time is money, money is time. But it’s possible to replenish money. It’s not possible to get your youth back or become innocent again.

[Anonymous]

Question, if they were together for so long; why didn't they have kids?

[Shelly2002]

Maybe she didn't wanted kids out of wedlock. Maybe she wanted kids in marriage or maybe the man never wanted kids and kept postponing things, destroying her value by doing that.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that if a guy doesn't propose after a year of dating. You should definitely dump him.

[Shelly2002]

Exactly. I'm actually a virgin going old fashion, waiting till marriage. This seems like the most safest way to not waste my time since this will limit my dating pool to only marriage-minded men.

[Shelly2002]

This many fewer men would be interested in me but it's ok. The fewer, the better. It weeds out easily those that only want a girlfriend vs those that still want marriage.

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck. I am also looking for someone who is marriage minded; and it is difficult.

[SotiCoto]

"Market Value" is capitalist bullshit talk.

[Shelly2002]

Would trait be a better word then? I'm trying to point out how women and men are valued. For us, our weaknesses would be losing our youth and fertility if we let someone waste our time. No amount of money is going to bring back her primary value.
So a man, the worst attack towards him is if a woman drains his money and leaves him penniless. For us is if a man drains our years and leaves us childless and unable to have kids.