Which guy is a better option? I’m getting old and I have to decide because I want a family. who is better option from these two? ?

[Anonymous]

And no I don’t have other portions. This is my only chance to be with someone or I’ll stay alone. I don’t want this life alone.

so which if these would you choose if you were me? __________________________________________

Guy 1: tall 5’11 1/2” pretty much 6’ with any shoes on.

Very attractive face and body works out almost everyday. Nice thick dick, brown eyes

does not have a good paying job or money saved up, he only works some days when they need him.

he lives with his mom in a small apartment and she’s very sick.
he is depressed and stressed

**********************—————————————————**********************______________________________

Guy 2: not tall. 5’8 1/2” just average

Not ugly but not super attractive. he has gray beautiful eyes

not fit. Has a round stomach but the rest of his body doesn’t look fat, just big stomach. He doesn’t workout. (never seen his dick so can’t say about that)

He has a good job. He has his own flat. Lives alone in a tourist city very nice.

he has herpes type 1 (from the mouth not genitals) he got this since he was a baby, someone passed it to him so not from sexual interaction.

he works every day and trying to grow and learn more.

Guy 1

Guy 2

Updates

1 mo

Guys! There’s a 3rd OPTION!!!’ 😀😳!

3rd guy: he is lead engineer, 6’0” (42) he does not workout but has a normal fit body not skinny not fat. He is very sweet. He has a slight resemblance to guy 1 and even sounds like him a bit in voice.

He says he wants a family with me and that he already feels he’s falling in love with me and how I am.

Issue: he is divorced with child. Child lives with the mom, she’s 11 years old, he’s on child support 💀but the btch mom doesn’t let him see her.

? 🫤

[Anonymous]

Seems like you’ve already made your choice (guy #1). Tbh which ever guy you choose you’re just gonna be settling because you were in a rush to start a family. I feel like you should be able to explore more options. Guy 1 offers excitement but Guy 2 offers stability. Looks will fade but Guy 2 seems like he pretty much has his life figured out. It comes down to how each of these guys treat you.

[Asker]

I think what I’m scared of is the herpes because I don’t know anyone with this and good photos and videos look rather scary. I also wouldn’t want my baby with this or myself but more importantly my baby. So when he is the better match financially for a better life for my baby, we wouldn’t have the health issue with the other guy just poor. That’s the biggest dilema for me I wanted insight as to what bothers would choose in my situation and I don’t have time to get to meet other people because by time will run out from attempting to have kids.

It won’t do me any good to spend time trying to meet others and finally find the most ideal person and then nit able to have kids because the little time I have left unused tinto “get to know someone new”

Which is why I must choose between what I do have now

[Opinion Owner]

That’s a valid concern. Then just go with who you heart desires (seems like it’s Guy 1). But the caveat is that you can’t immediately have kids with him bcs he’s not financially ready to provide for a family. So either you work hard and save up to also provide financially, even when you’re pregnant and after, you’d still gotta be working hard to earn enough. Or don’t have a baby. Think about the life that your child might have, don’t rush into getting pregnant just bcs your time is running out. My aunt had her first kid at 45, yeah it wasn’t a smooth pregnancy but at least her and her husband waited until they were financially stable.

Tbh, I don't know how old guy 1 is but if he’s around your age group then he’s a bit too old to only be working some days and not having any money saved up. He needs to step up also…

[Asker]

Yeah guy 1 is 1 year older than me and the other one is about 3.5 years older.
I know it’s bad but many people have kids when they’re not ready. My sister got married and didn’t have kids because they weren’t “ready” then when they decided thy eye were ready it was too late for them. I know some people get lucky and have kids past 40’s like your aunt but not everyone has that opportunity I may or may not have it and even when we are not financially stable we are not handicap so I how’s toy believe that we can offer at least a decent life if we dedicate to do that. I don’t want to rely on my parents but basically my parents helped put my brother and his girlfriend since they were 17 when they got pregnant and couldn’t support themselves all the way up until this very day they still live with my parents and have 2 kids. They don’t pay rent and have all the commodities anyone could have. Now they are even proving them with a full house for them so that they can finally have a place of their own because by themselves they couldn’t do it because prices are so high.
So I’d like to think that if I had a baby they would at least help me out a bit not that they have to but just feel it would be unfair for me not to get help especially when I was pretty much the mom to both of their kids. I babysat the first one all the way up to 5 years old full time and then just part time during times he started school. Without getting paid for it.

Second child they did finally start paying me and I’m with him all the time even on the weekends.
I sometimes feel I won’t get help for anyone because since I’m a female they assume I should get help from the man that I will be having a baby with and that they only helped my brother because he’s the man of their family type of thing.

[Asker]

If I wait to be “ready” then it’s never gonna happen. I feel at this point just going and doing what I want from this life and making it work however it may come just make it happen.

Thank you so much for your advice it does help me think things through even though I’m saying this

[Opinion Owner]

I can understand why you feel like you need to rush things, it’s unfair how us women have a biological clock. You can always freeze your eggs tho. One of my best friends is turning 32 but she’s saving up to have her eggs frozen so that she can conceive later on in vitro after one day hopefully meeting the right guy. My other best friend is also 31 and have never had a relationship before so she’s getting worried. So I understand why you’re feeling this much pressure bcs being in your late 30s, the clock’s ticking…

But my question is, are you just looking for a guy to father your children and be the provider or are you looking for a long term life partner that you can build a family with?

[Asker]

I don’t know how much it would cost to freeze eggs but at my age I think I should just go do it already. If it’s gonna happen it’s now. I also don’t want to be so old with a little baby. I still look young today.
Thank you for the advice though I will still look into that for sure.

I don’t just want a kid and a father for him. I want a family. I want to feel love and just have that.
I don’t want to be a single mother. I see how my nephew looks to my brother his dad. If I have a baby I don’t want him/her to not have that.

[DishLady]

Sounds like you prefer Mr "thick dick"/thick wallet since you mention more of his physicality and situation. When Mr herpes told you he's had his condition since childhood... he probably meant high school...

[Asker]

No not high school. Little 2-3 years old.
And me thick as you referred to to does not have a thick wallet.
Your head is not all there I suppose

[DextroShade]

So basically it's Chad Thundercock (guy 1) versus Billy Betabux (guy 2). You already know that Billy is the better option for a serious long-term relationship, but I already know that you will either go back to Chad or if you get with Billy you will cheat on him with Chad. I hope that for your sake that you prove me wrong but I wouldn't hold my breath.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Guy #2 sounds the obvious choice but I'm guessing deep down you like guy #1 better.

Having a family, you need to actually analyze a future with both, because a "nice thick dick with a great body" won't matter if he's not there for you when you're 3 year olds screaming and you're short on rent...

[Asker]

Even considering option 2 has herpes? I know it’s only the mouth one but it’s still heroes and it’s scary to me.

I know financially this is the smarter option but wouldn’t health also be important? I’m scared for my child to have this and be singled out for that in school or anywhere.

This is why o have a dilema if not I would have just decided. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have time to meet other people, that time could mean my time is over to even try to have kids, that’s what most people here don’t understand assuming I can have a kid whenever. But have to be realistic if it’s not now it’s not ever.

[AI Opinion]

Choosing a partner based on a tick list can feel a bit like shopping for the perfect avocado in the grocery store – you know what you want, but it's hard to find the one that's just right, especially if you're looking for something to last a lifetime. Remember, love isn't about comparing stats as if you're picking a character in a video game. It's about the chemistry, the connection, and the mutual respect and understanding between you and your partner.

Guy 1 might have the looks that turn heads and make your heart skip a beat, but it seems like he's in a rough patch right now. Supporting someone through thick and thin is what love is all about, but consider if you're ready for the emotional toll it might take.

Guy 2 might not be your typical knight in shining armor in terms of looks, but he's got his life together financially and seems like he's on a clear path of personal growth and stability. And remember, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes – and sometimes in grey eyes!

Choosing between them should boil down to who makes you feel loved, understood, and valued for who you are. Think about the long conversations, the shared silences, the bursts of laughter, and the way each of them supports your dreams and aspirations. Love isn't just found in the perfect moments but built in the imperfect ones. So follow your heart, but take your brain with you. It's a big decision, but love, true connection, and compatibility are what will stand the test of time. Good luck out there, and may Cupid's arrow strike true! 💘

[Asker]

Wow! I never thought an AI would give such good advice! For once I’m thankful for you. Thank you AI :)

[Asker]

Can you vote?

[slatyb]

"does not have a good paying job or money saved up, he only works some days when they need him.

he lives with his mom in a small apartment and she’s very sick.
he is depressed and stressed"

How do you imagine raising a family with a man who can't even care for himself?

[Asker]

That’s my worry. But also I love this man.
The only reason I met guy 2 is because guy 1 dropped me precisely because he says he can’t offer me a good life. I begged him not to leave me. But he did. And tried to get a better job. On my sadness and desperation I went to ask this guy I had as a friend who I never really spoke with before other than hi how are you have a good day. No real conversations or even enough time to call him a tea friend but I knew him so I was scared to stay alone and asked him if he was alone and maybe wanted to have a family.

He said he is a lone and never thought about having a family until I suggested it.

He said we can try to see if we like each other and then go from there?

I said no, it doesn’t matter if we like each other, I don’t have time for that, I just don’t want to be alone. He said ok but let’s try our chemistry first. He wants to see if he likes me or not and if I like him or not too as a couple.
So I feel distant and because he’s always working I don’t get to talk with him much
But I found out he has herpes which really scares me and threw me off.

Then guy 1 contacted me again and said he was able to get a raise , not a better job but a raise, it’s still not a lot but maybe we can try to start a family he said to me

I really thought it was over when he left. I cried a lot but I didn’t want to be alone so that’s why I even tried to talk to guy 2. and now I have this dilemma

I really don’t know what I should do

[exitseven]

Pick guy 1. He has better genetics. Maybe when his mother kicks th3 bucket he will straighten out.

[Nikki1989]

And not a mention of the important stuff.

[Asker]

Such as what?
What important stuff?
For a relationship to work you need attraction and money. When one of these two are missing the relationships tend to fail in most cases. Not all but certainly most.

These are the most important things among others like communication and blah blah etc etc.

I can communicate well with both.
They are both good people.
I can’t get the emote package all in one and it’s like this for many of us. Just life.

For me unfortunately I don’t have time to wander off and try to find someone else because that just means I’ll end up alone unless I get extremely lucky and find a perfect partner that has everything but that is highly unlikely.
They’re my only options if I really don’t want to end up alone. And yes inflated important things finance and looks as they are both compatible with me in personality I don’t need opinions on that aspect therefore not important to list.

[Asker]

Neither of them have kids and both want to start a family as soon as now. Just like me.

[Unit1]

This is what happens when young girls for a long time believe they are models and deserve nothing less than the top 10% of men.

What's your story?

[Asker]

Guy one was my partner since I was 22 all the way up until recently. We both stalled too much and finally when we were both loooking at starting a family he realized he can’t give me a good life and decided to leave me.

I got scared since I’m already old even if I don’t loook old and don’t feel old, the fact remains women have a ticking clock for babies and so do men but we have less time than you and I don’t want to be without a baby. I want to have at least a little family so in my desperation I went to the only friend I had even if almost never talked with him which is guy 2.

I didn’t know he had herpes before I asked him. I simply said I need to have a family and he said he had never thought about that until I said it and said he would like to try with me. And one day he has this thing right above his lip like blood and so I asked him what’s that? And he said herpes and all my illusion shattered and I overreacted because I felt betrayed. We talked about having kids and he didn’t think it was important to mention this, had I not seen it I wouldn’t have known. And he said it’s because almost everyone has that and I said no I don’t know anyone with that and I had never seen that in real life. So he said “.. well you make the choice if you want to have a baby with me or not but you and him may get this because I have it”
Then few days after this..

Then guy 1 returns and says okay that he’s been thinking a lot and willing to try to make a family with me but I had already talked with guy 2 and felt awful.

So I told him

And he got angry and said he came back to have a family with me and that chose another and I said I didn’t choose I’m still single.

[Asker]

So my story doesn’t fit your narrative that I thought I was “too good” or “model” for anyone and only now that I’m old want to settle.
I was simply in love with a guy that wasn’t perfect in the aspect of how life is meant to be lived. He wasn’t smart in thinking ahead how it would affect him if he wasn’t trying harder to be better in life. So when it came to think about family he freaked out because its reality without money went really build a life and it’s not only him by myself as well. I just thought I was always going to be with him and had really ZERO interest in any other men. I even find him more attractive than famous attractive actors that have had authors to even make themselves look better, like hair transplant and nose jobs and jaw line etc etc I don’t know if he’s just THaT attractive or I just really fell hardcore in real love that I had no eyes or interest for anyone at all and so I’m stuck in this situation.

[Unit1]

Fine. I won't judge. You happen to have stuck with someone like that.
Rest assured, that forcing a choice like that unnaturally comes with a high probability of separating. You'll need to ask yourself if that's what you want (Most likely no, duh!). To me it sounds like you actually like neither of them for creating family. Guy 1 sounds unreliable and Guy 2 doesn't make you feel like you want to see him more often. If I were in your position, I'd pass on both.

[Asker]

Pass and stay alone without family? Without partner? I honestly would be happier with a partner and a little baby than by myself the rest of my life. Even if these choices are not idea it’s all I have and either of them would be better than alone in my opinion. And yes you are right about me not liking these precise choices for a family, of course not. But it’s all I got and it’s better than no family at all.

I have to choose. Staying alone I’ll leave that up to destiny won’t choose that myself. I made it clear to Both that I want a forever relationship if we make a family. Like my parents.

[Unit1]

Its your call. I am 90% certain that it won't last.

[Asker]

And what’s your advice then? If you were me in this situation what would you do?

[Unit1]

I've told you: If I were in your position, I'd pass on both.
I don't go after certain failure rates.

[Asker]

So you would rather get old alone without trying for a family?

[Unit1]

I am

[Asker]

Well thanks for the advice. I don’t want to grow old alone. I’ll have to choose. Any of these is better than old lonely person no love no kids just nothing. Eeek 😦

[Unit1]

Yeah, you're welcome.
OK then. Have fun.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

None. Is it too late to look for other options?

[Asker]

If I want to start a family it has to be now. These are the only two men that have shown interest in me on a serious level. I don’t have time to even try to meet someone else by the time I get to know them and form any type of relationships it’s just taking away from my time which is very limited now.

I have no friends to go out with. I’m not a social person. I’m even lucky to even know these two men at all since I’m so shy and secluded from the world.

These really are my only 2 options if I don’t want to end up alone.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I believe you can still have other options. But it's Guy 2 for me. He seems smart and thinks of his future. A father material for your kids.

Guy 1 needs to fix his situation first.

[Asker]

Even if you were in love with guy 1 and not so attracted to guy 2? I mean you find him attractive but not a strong attraction. And if these were your only 2 options.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

If Guy 2 is kind, my feelings would develop for him over time. Being attracted to physical appearance alone is shallow, for me.

But if you can afford to provide for the child alone.. then you can listen to your heart. But remember, Guy 1 is still taking care of his mom and certainly is not ready for another responsibility. "Love" will fade eventually if there's a lot of stress going on.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice this helps.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

You are welcome. ❤ By the way, have you tried dating apps?

[Asker]

I did try it briefly and most have a lot of fakes. I got a bunch of messages from fake people.

I also got scared off when I started to see a number of documentaries related to dating sites and murder. I just never went back to try that.

There’s a finding love show that comes out in tv and my mom insists that I should go there. That’s really embarrassing for me. Sometimes I feel I wish I were brave and go there even if I get rejected but I’m sure most of our close family members watch that and they will see me like a loser lol I don’t know.

[gorydetails]

If you're > 36 it's already getting to late.

[Asker]

Exactly! Otherwise I wouldn’t be asking this and I would be trying to meet other people. The time I use to meet other people could mean the only time left to have a baby so I have to choose from
The only options I have now. I have to be realistic. It’s either one of them if I want to have any type of family or it’s nobody because all the people saying I have time to find someone live in fairytale land as if I can just go meet someone today and he won’t run the moment I say I need to have an at like right now.

Anyway which is the better option here from what I’ve mentioned above If this were your situation?

[Asker]

An at = a baby!
Autocorrect is dumb.

[HelpfulWoman]

neither. there IS other options. this is a you problem in being weird about it

[Asker]

No I don’t have other options. I’m getting old. I want a family. I have to start now or it can mean I won’t have a family at all.

To meet other people you need time before you decide on marriage and kids. All this time no other men show interest in me. I am very shy person I don’t even have friends to go out and meet people.
I have to say I’m lucky to even know these guys considering how I am. Even my family doesn’t know me because nobody ever sees me.
If I don’t want to end up alone, these really are my o my two options.

[HelpfulWoman]

yawn yawn yawn excuses excuses.
YOUR insecurity. Does not make no other options viable.
No man should be with you when you have to make a "pick man A or man B" type of post.
if that's your attitude, no wonder you're single. and will probably stay that way <3

[Staximus]

You listed the superficial qualities first, so maybe you should start thinking with your brain and not your vagina

[Asker]

I didn’t think with vagina. I’ve never had sex with either of them. I just happen to have mentioned his because I saw it. It’s nice.

I’m more
Concerned about other things other than sex. I’m attracted to guy one but he’s depressed all the time and doesn’t have a good job.

Guy two I’m not attracted to him so much. He doesn’t workout and he’s not even tall. If at least he worked out it would be nice. Attraction must be present for relationships to work. He has a good job and always trying to grow, I like that but he also has herpes. That scares me because I’ve never had that.

I’m scared to be with someone I’m not attracted to but I’m also scared ti go with someone that doesn’t have money because even if we are not gold diggers, we need money to live a normal life.

Unfortunately for me these are my only options. I am not a social person. I don’t talk with anyone. I don’t even have friends. Sure guys look at me but none of them approach me. The times I’ve tried they’re either gay or already in relationships.

I’m getting old and have ti choose from the only two men that have places interest in me and this is what I have.

I don’t know what to do.

[Staximus]

You have to stop making excuses and make some kind of effort to meet new people

[Staximus]

I think you need to live in the present and in reality and not inside your own head. It's time to step out of your comfort zone if you want your life to change

[Asker]

That’s for people who have time. My time has run out. Even if I wanted to there not time to meet someone get to know them and get to the point where we want to get married and have kids. This is a serious conversation that if you haven’t too early on it scares people away. It requires time for that. If I want a family I have to start now! Like today. If I had my mind clear on which of them is better option I would be having sex right this moment trying ti get our first baby because my time is mostly gone for that. I don’t want a life without babies. I want at least 1.
Attempting to go find someone new just because these 2 guys didn’t have the full “perfect package” for me, just means I have increased my chances of not only staying alone but also without a baby ever.

I could possibly find a better match some years down the line but that would mean a relationship without kids. Most men want kids so even that would put me at risk to be alone as well.

I hate when people say tings like you said said. No. I don’t have time. If I couldn’t find someoe all the years I was young and better looking how can I just throw my only two options away thinking I can find a man tomorrow willing to just have a baby in the next month and marry me and have a perfect family. Ugh that’s just so pathetic like a movie. I need to be realistic.

Neither of them are the perfect package, but it’s all I have. If one had everything then I wouldn’t be asking anyone for advice. It’s a tough situation when it’s a lifetime decision
.. what one lacks the other has and vice versa.
I didn’t have the luck other people have that have a bunch of relationships and get out of one and start another so quickly.
I’m a shy person who doesn’t have friends.

[Asker]

Even if a fairly good mother came to me and changed my personality, I still don’t have time realistically to go meet someone and get to the point where we have to start a family asap! Unless the fairly good mother is also going to present my prince in shining armor. It’s just fairytale mentality to believe anything you said.

[DarkLegacy]

Grow up and stop trolling, how pathetic can you get from someone who is at least 36

[Asker]

Which part is pathetic?
If I were younger or didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t need to choose anything and could just go find a better suited person for me.

Ignorant people like you live in fairytale land. Or assume I should just stay alone without trying because I’m 36. Ridiculous.

I want a family and I don’t know if I can have one but at least I want to try. I’m not gonna waste the little time I have left in attempting to meet someone knew that when I finally find that person it will be too late to even have a baby at all.

If I’m gonna have a baby it has ti be right now and these are my only options. I don’t have time.

You’re 36 as well seems like you’re not all there considering your comment. 🤯

[DarkLegacy]

It is pathetic the nonsense you come out with

[Asker]

If you’re not here give advice I don’t need anything from you.

[OddBeMe]

What you find important is totally shallow.

[Asker]

What else is important in a relationship?
Attraction must be present for relationships to work.
Financial situation is also critical which is why I mentioned both.

Communication and chemistry is out of the question as I know I’m good with both. Just know one less time than the other. ye get along just well.

Your comment doesn’t help it’s rather ignorant.

[OddBeMe]

Who do you like spending time with more?

[Asker]

If it were all that matters I’d just choose guy 1. But I put all the food and bad things so that people can see this situation and tell me which is the best option at this point in my life. Because I can’t think just oh I like this one better, I have to take everything into consideration. I don’t know how bad herpes is and how it would affect a baby or his life as he grows up. But also being poor would affect. What’s worse? I think about that not so much about me but the baby. I have a little nephew that I’ve had since he was just few months old and it gives me an idea of what it’s like to have a baby and I would be sad not to be able to give him everything he wants, but also I would t want him to have herpes that’s just really horrible. But these are my only options if I want to try to have a baby and not just think about how I feel about the guy when they’re both good. I can’t be selfish

[OddBeMe]

I don’t think anything i could say would help you now. Just…baby trap the first guy who whips it out.

[Asker]

But what about the herpes? Is moth herpes very awful? This really scares me

[Asker]

Mouth

[OddBeMe]

Most of the time is just a mouth sore. Seriously, just find the least educated guy and have him knock you up.

[Asker]

Wtf? What am shit advice? I want a family not a fuck and a kid. how hell do men’s minds work? or is it just yours? Who knows but that’s shit advice.

. For a fuck and a kid ANYONE including myself can get that.
How many single mothers exist. Who even wants that? I mean if it happens for other unfortunate reasons it’s different, but a person purposely CHOOSING to be that is pathetic and selfish. Child needs a family.

Ridiculous.

[OddBeMe]

Sorry but your desires srr completely shallow and you’re not looking for a life partner. you're looking for a baby daddy.

You’ll most likely not get knocked up by a millionaire…so I just thought speed things up.

[Asker]

You are an ignorant person clearly

[OddBeMe]

Right. And you’re marrying someone for their moneymaking skills only.