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For reference, I am a 22y/o woman who recently graduated from undergrad.
In early Oct. of 2021, I reconnected with a man I met years ago. We really hit it off, and I was fully ready to introduce him to my family as my boyfriend until I discovered he has a dishonesty issue. He lied to me about several things (age, seeing his ex). We briefly broke up but he promised to tell everyone the truth (done) & seek therapy (in progress?).
He has a history of addiction, &I realize that the lying is from that. His relationship with his family is somewhat strained & I know he suffers from insecurity deep down. He is very charismatic &charming &goes to the gym with me. He's in good shape &incredibly attractive. He is very passionate with a child-like enthusiasm about life. He is supportive & helpful, but I worry he won't stop lying. It may be shallow to say, but the fact he's 30 and not yet financially stable or done with his associate's degree is concerning. I believe that he loves me but he struggles to say the right things when I'm upset.
I met the other man in mid-Nov of 2021, while casually seeing the first guy. We didn't hit it off as well, but he's very sweet & makes a significant effort to show he cares- a total gentleman. He's sociable, has a steady job &a bachelor's degree. He is seeking to go to law school & has a good relationship with his parents. However, he doesn't like initiating kissing or sex (I feel uncomfortable initiating) &he's out of shape, however, the sex is incredible. He always says the right things &comforts me when I'm upset. He is incredibly patient &emotionally well-put-together. Very calm, generally happy, a "rock" if you will. He checks off every "box" on the list, but I haven't spent enough time with him to develop a strong attachment as I have with the first man.
I'm in love with the first man, but he's thrown up multiple red flags.
I really like the second man, but he may be too mellow to keep my interest.
What do I do?
In early Oct. of 2021, I reconnected with a man I met years ago. We really hit it off, and I was fully ready to introduce him to my family as my boyfriend until I discovered he has a dishonesty issue. He lied to me about several things (age, seeing his ex). We briefly broke up but he promised to tell everyone the truth (done) & seek therapy (in progress?).
He has a history of addiction, &I realize that the lying is from that. His relationship with his family is somewhat strained & I know he suffers from insecurity deep down. He is very charismatic &charming &goes to the gym with me. He's in good shape &incredibly attractive. He is very passionate with a child-like enthusiasm about life. He is supportive & helpful, but I worry he won't stop lying. It may be shallow to say, but the fact he's 30 and not yet financially stable or done with his associate's degree is concerning. I believe that he loves me but he struggles to say the right things when I'm upset.
I met the other man in mid-Nov of 2021, while casually seeing the first guy. We didn't hit it off as well, but he's very sweet & makes a significant effort to show he cares- a total gentleman. He's sociable, has a steady job &a bachelor's degree. He is seeking to go to law school & has a good relationship with his parents. However, he doesn't like initiating kissing or sex (I feel uncomfortable initiating) &he's out of shape, however, the sex is incredible. He always says the right things &comforts me when I'm upset. He is incredibly patient &emotionally well-put-together. Very calm, generally happy, a "rock" if you will. He checks off every "box" on the list, but I haven't spent enough time with him to develop a strong attachment as I have with the first man.
I'm in love with the first man, but he's thrown up multiple red flags.
I really like the second man, but he may be too mellow to keep my interest.
What do I do?
Updates
+1 y
UPDATE: To anyone out there on the web in a similar situation: people like man #1 will not stop lying. I broke it off with the second man, focused on the first, &quickly fell into a quasi-toxic (bidirectional toxicity) relationship. I was insecure &unhappy due to the trust issues spawned by the lying. We broke up 3 times. Not worth the anguish.
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