WTF! He said we meant nothing in an argument?

[Anonymous]

I've been in an on-and-off connection with a guy for about a year since we met while I was on holiday (we live on different continents). Recently, we reconnected online, and I admit I overstepped his boundaries 10 days ago. I apologized and asked if I had damaged our relationship.

He replied saying there was never anything between us. He mentioned he did not speak to me for months because he couldn't be bothered and knew he was being deliberately unkind. He insists he never sent mixed signals, despite us discussing personal matters. I expressed my confusion and admitted I was hesitant to discuss our relationship. Then he said: "Good thing I didn't ask because we meant nothing and you drove me the goddamn up the wall." He emphasized he had set clear boundaries, which I should have respected, and didn't realize them to be honest (my mistake).

Look I fully admit my fault and take full responsibility for my actions. But his words were incredibly painful, and I was unable to get out of bed for three days. I initially apologized in a message, explaining that I used to like him but no longer do, which felt insincere. I followed up with a second brief and direct message, not blaming him. He read it immediately but hasn't responded in the 9 days since. I'm worried he doesn't care, and I'm struggling to understand everything. And I found the reaction incredibly explosive :(

Lately, whenever I'm online on social media, he immediately logs off. This makes me wonder if he's avoiding me and why. I acknowledge my wrongdoing but feel incredibly sad too. I want to reach out, but I think it might be best to give him more time. Am I being too impatient? And am I the only one in the wrong?

I would appreciate your genuine advice please on the matter.

Updates

1 y

Is Is this honestly a strong reaction? I am not dismissing his feelings of anger, but the words and everything is something else

Updates

1 y

No update but cheers for the honest answers, it is appreciated xxx

[bobalife]

What did you do that upset him?
It sounds like you both were hurt and are just hurting each other saying things you both don’t mean… the best communication is having open and honest conversations about how you truly feel in a respectful way, what are your concerns, what are your needs/wants, and how can you both create solutions together.
Do you think he’s what you’re looking for?

[Asker]

Thanks for asking. I added an acquaintance of his on social media (she looked cool despite us not meeting before) but then this happened. I accept I went too far for sure and apologize. I was hurt and became defensive. He on the other hand whilst understandably angry, said those things. Like I said, I get it but it was very harsh. I thought so but geography and time difference make it difficult for us both.

[PeachyPie93]

He literally is telling you there is nothing between you two. He isn't into you, so he used you or whatever and now you need to except it and take the loss. There is nothing more cringy then a woman chasing a man. Do not do it, you are worth more than that.

[BetaBucks]

He sounds like a jerk and you guys aren't going to work out. But him insulting you might have been deserved if you did something bad to him. Which I'm kind of doubting. Do you want to say what it was?

[Asker]

I added a friend of his on social media...

[Asker]

I thought it was okay to add someone if there is a mutual acquaintance, people have done it to me because we had a mutual acquaintance and it was fine

[BetaBucks]

Yeah, then he's kind of a jerk. And there's a few possibilities here, but one is that he's cheating and you adding the friend is a risk. Another is that he's trying to keep you at a distance for various reasons. He is for sure seeing you doing that as a passive aggressive way of forcing the relationship on him. Which isn't an unreasonable concern. But no need to put you down over it.

You'll be happier in the end if you give him the space that he's looking for.

[Asker]

we're already so far apart, geographically. And your comment that he sees it as me being passive-aggressively forcing a relationship on him is a shock, really it was never that. I was just happy we reconnected as friends

[Asker]

i know he's in an open relationship (we discussed it in detail etc)

[BetaBucks]

I believe you, but I'm saying that it's so common for girls to do that, that it's not unreasonable to misconstrue what you did.

The open relationship dynamic is such a disaster...

[Asker]

Okay I see, I mean we even talked about relationships, and why we are both in open relationships. But were my actions so bad that those words were needed?

[Asker]

I honestly have never been insulted/put down to this extreme extent by someone, especially by a person I love.

[BetaBucks]

Yeah, that always hurts the most. But, at the same time, you should understand that he's not the right person to love. He's physically and emotionally unavailable. And in a relationship with someone else. This will never work out for you. And there's a good chance that you're attracted to his lack of availability because it makes him seem more valuable than you, so your brain is getting tricked into thinking you're "dating up."

[Asker]

Yeah he mentioned about a partner moving away for a couple of months, and I'll be honest he and I are on opposite sides of the Atlantic. I don't want a long-distance relationship (done it, hated it), and I just wanted to be friends because why not?

[Asker]

i don't care about his being in an open relationship, because he and I both need physical intimacy in a relationship and we can never be together anyways. But it's just the words used

[Anonymous]

He’s either really angry at you or he means it

[Asker]

Oh I know he's angry for sure, and I am like wtf don't you delete me or something?

[Opinion Owner]

Let him calm down try to be workable and nice

[Asker]

Am I being too impatient? I don't know and it's been like 9/10 days

[Opinion Owner]

Give it another 10 days wait it out

[Asker]

thanks, could I get back to you on the matter?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes sure

[Opinion Owner]

Are you talking about in a couple days? Are you talking about on here or you want to private message?

[Asker]

on this page if thats okay

[Opinion Owner]

Ok but when

[Asker]

10 days or a week I guess

[Opinion Owner]

that’s a real long time. I don’t even know if I’ll get the notification that’s a real longshot.

[Asker]

okay thanks nw if not

[Opinion Owner]

there’s no way I can guarantee a reply back 10 days later, knowing how many notifications that I get

[Opinion Owner]

But good luck to you

[Asker]

no worries, I just don't know if anything will happen this week

[Asker]

but I appreciate it nonetheless

[Opinion Owner]

Yeag

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah

[Asker]

honestly, if you want to anything sure, happy to hear because I can't understand whats going on lol

[Asker]

*to say anything all ears

[Opinion Owner]

Give him another 10 days to relax and calm down. If you don’t hear from him call him contact him and find out what’s going on between you guys and see if there’s a way you can work something out, if he still has the same angry mean insulting attitude that he had before then you have no choice, but to move on.

[Asker]

I'll just text him, so it's easier. Lol I'm just so scared he doesn't care, and I get I'm beating around the bush

[Opinion Owner]

Time will tell in the next 10 days you’ll find out

[Asker]

thank you but why 10 days?

[Opinion Owner]

if you have to then call him earlier I just thought that would be a good cooling off period to Have it finally finalized instead of rushing it too fast.

[Asker]

he hates phonecalls

[Opinion Owner]

Then text I don’t know what’s wrong with this generation. Everybody used to talk on the phone before.

[Asker]

he told me upright, but I thought he meant on weekdays and stuff. I drove him up the goddamn wall apparently that I kept asking (look Im experiencing the black dog and wanted to reach out, and found his signals unclear )

[Asker]

im going to be honest, there's a massive time difference between he and I

[Opinion Owner]

If a man can’t talk on the phone and only text, how can he meet you in person to talk voice to voice face-to-face

[Asker]

we dont live on the same continent

[Opinion Owner]

I take it you’ve never met face-to-face. That’s the big difference. How do you know He’s not a catfish I don’t like what I’m hearing really don’t put too much of your eggs in one basket

[Opinion Owner]

I believe you’re wasting your time and you’re putting all your hope and dreams into one guy. Have you even seen his picture?

[Asker]

ohhh no no we met whilst I was on holiday, exchanged numbers and details, so not a catfish for sure

[Opinion Owner]

Ok ….

[Asker]

yes we have met! I know his face and he knows mine, we're on social media , it is all fine on that front

[Opinion Owner]

Ok..,,

[Asker]

but the time difference and physical distance is big

[Opinion Owner]

that’s not a big deal. I’m talking to a person for a long time on here that seven hours ahead of me.

[Asker]

I am glad it is working out for you :)

[Asker]

I don't know its just a lot to take in, and I can't even process this right now (still too raw)

[Opinion Owner]

Take some time off

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tangled web of modern love and digital dalliances! 🌐💔 It sounds like this saga has more twists and turns than a daytime soap opera. First, let me just say, having your feelings minimized and being told "we meant nothing" can cut deeper than a paper cut in a lemon juice factory. It's rough, and I'm tossing you a virtual comfort blanket right now!

In the grand scheme of things, communication—or the lack thereof—seems to be the villain in your story. It's clear you've got feelings, and they're being juggled like flaming torches. 🤹‍♂️ Now, while you've acknowledged stepping over a boundary, the response you received was colder than an Eskimo's picnic.

Here's the thing, love: You're dancing in a storm of mixed messages and emotional chaos. It's not just about being "too impatient" or taking the whole blame pie and eating it too. Relationships, even those that flicker briefly across our lives, are a two-way street. If one party's driving a bulldozer and the other's on a bicycle, it's not exactly a fair race, is it?

His avoiding you online could be his way of coping, or it might be a silent echo of his feelings. Either way, chasing him might only lead you further into the labyrinth. 💔🏃

My golden nugget of advice? It's time to focus on you. Let the dust settle. Give yourself space to heal and reflect. If a conversation is meant to happen, it will find its way organically. But for now, consider this a moment to step back, recharge, and remember that your worth isn't tied to someone who can't see your value. You're the hero in your story, so grab that narrative with both hands and steer it towards brighter days! 🌟✨

[SweetJoyGirl]

Stfu 🙄

[Asker]

Thank you for the virtual blanket, it is appreciated.

[DishLady]

He probably just got tired of your on-and-off arguing and such.

[Asker]

we never argued until the above

[SweetJoyGirl]

Block.

F men.

[Asker]

If only! But thank you x

[In_Trance]

So dump him

[SweetJoyGirl]

Fr…🤦🏾‍♀️

[Asker]

thank you, but I can't lie, I dont want to atm

[In_Trance]

Your funeral

[SweetJoyGirl]

Girllll…you are wasting your damn time. ☠️

[Asker]

@SweetJoyGirl @in_trance that is what you both would do?

[In_Trance]

I would have already

[SweetJoyGirl]

Yap, I would leave his ahh.

[Asker]

@SweetJoyGirl @in_trance

Thank you both, I swear I always fall in love for the arseholes

[SweetJoyGirl]

Nah, you are good girl. We all do stupid shi sometimes.

[Asker]

@SweetJoyGirl thank you, that is kind of you