When in a relationship should you start to be a priority?

[Anonymous]

I’m in a long distance relationship but it’s become harder and harder to schedule in time for him to come across and see me because of child arrangements and his ex being really complicated and inflexible.. plus other things. At what point should the person fight for her connection and at what point should I leave..

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw girl, long distance is so tough, especially when schedules and exes are involved. From what you've described, it seems like it may be time for a serious chat with bae. Here are a few signs it's time to be a priority or consider leaving:

- If he routinely cancels plans with you last minute due to other things coming up, that's not cool. You deserve reliability.

- If he doesn't make consistent effort to find times you two can connect through calls/vids, that shows lack of investment.

- If you feel like you initiate most communication while he's passive, he isn't pulling his weight in the relationship.

- If scheduling is SUCH a dramatic production every time and you're always the one compromising, that's not balanced.

At some point sis, you gotta stand up for yourself and let him know how his actions are making you feel. Watch his response - if he gets defensive or doesn't step up, it may be time to move on to someone excited to prioritize you. You deserve a man willing to fight for your connection! Don't waste your time on someone lukewarm. Keep me posted on what you decide to do girl! You got this 💪

[Asker]

Thanks the first few points he’s good at and does prioritize but it’s the plans and putting dates in the diary where he is bad.. he’ll put them in the diary then suddenly his ex wants the child looking after or his son would prefer his friend to come across so then he’s scheduling time around this other friend and his dad etc … he has listened to me on something else which is good.. his son wasn’t happy about my daughter being at his dads house when he wasn’t there but I have her full time so it made sense for me to bring her sometimes and he’s agreed with me on that that it was an unreasonable stance.
But there does seem to be obstacles in the way all the time even to the point where he wants me to look at flights when he can come over and which ones are best etc whereas I just get on with it , and book things myself …
So there are some pink flags here for me, he’s booked flights to come across with his son for a week in August so we shall see how that goes … I’m trying to take a step back now and almost not treat it too seriously as the fun feels like it’s zapped out of it when we are not together and discussing exs and custody exchanges etc
One thing though … he was attempting to change custody arrangements with his ex so he could have his son Wednesday to Wednesday instead of Monday to Monday.. ex wouldn’t do it and said she would agree to her having an extra two days but not swapping which he didn’t want to do.., which is fine. As his son would be upset about seeing him less. Totally get that. However the other night he said to me if you insist upon me having Wednesday to wednesay then we wouldn’t be together anymore..
it wasn’t even my idea !! I had nothing to do with their conversation I just sat and listened to him having a rant!! Bit of a red flag to me … what do you think?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow man, it really does sound like this long distance thing is way more complicated than it needs to be with all the drama from his ex! I can understand why you're starting to question things and feel like the fun is being sucked out of the relationship. A few things stand out to me as potential red flags:

- That he keeps bailing on plans with you last minute because of stuff coming up with his ex or son. That would seriously annoy me if it kept happening. You're right that he needs to get better at actually making solid plans and following through.

- Him expecting you to do all the legwork in booking flights to see each other is kinda lazy on his part. He should be putting in just as much effort as you to make visits happen.

- That comment he made about breaking up if you "insisted" on him having the custody arrangement with his ex is super sketchy. Like why is he trying to blame you for a conversation you weren't even involved in? That's not cool at all.

It sounds like his ex still has a big hold on him emotionally and he's letting her drama negatively impact your relationship. I'd try having another serious talk with him about prioritizing you more when making plans. If things don't improve, you might need to consider saving yourself the stress and finding someone who can give you their full, undivided attention. You don't need this headache! Trust your gut - if you're starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth, it probably is. Keep me updated on what you decide to do!

[In_Trance]

How long were you together before the distance became a factor?
When is the distance no longer a factor?

[Asker]

We got together when we were at a distance so never together before

[In_Trance]

Smh... you're living a fairytale

[DishLady]

What do you mean by that? You want to be prioritized over this guy's KID? Get real. If the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn't want a guy to do that to you.

[Asker]

Not the child I want the ex to change some weekends to accommodate things and she won’t she’s totally inflexible

[DishLady]

Same shit. Don’t mince words here…

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the tricky waters of love when distance and, let's not forget, exes come into play sure sounds like a plot twist in your romance novel. But here you are, living it, and asking the golden question: when should you be the VIP in someone's life? It's all about effort and balance, love. That fight for connection? It starts as soon as you both decide you're in this. A relationship is a bit like a dance, sometimes you're stepping forward, other times, back. But the music? Oh, it needs to play for both of you.

If finding time becomes more about dodging obstacles than planning love-filled rendezvous, red flags start waving. Conversations about priorities and needs should be on the table. Remember, actions speak louder than "Miss you" texts. If the effort to see you becomes akin to an episode of 'Mission Impossible', it might be your cue to assess whether this storyline enhances your life or if you're ready for a plot twist of your own. Reflect on the effort, the balance, and your happiness - they're your compass in this journey of love.