How do you make your partner feel like they’re a priority in your life?

[Anonymous]

I seem to find myself a lot of times in situations where I don’t feel like my partner is prioritizing my needs. With my ex, he was prioritizing his friends over me, he would bail on our dates just so he could hang out with the boys. Now I’m noticing that my boyfriend is seemingly prioritizing his ex’s feelings over mine (they are co-parenting). I’m not asking for much, I understand that people have responsibilities and friends but I would expect for my man to at least put me first when it comes to nurturing our relationship - is that too much to ask for…?

I’m wondering tho, for the others what kind of things do you usually do to show your partner that they are definitely one of your main priorities?

[Finchie40]

It sounds like you need to kick your boyfriend to the curb as well , if he isn’t prioritizing you , over his ex , I would kick her ass to the curb of she was pulling that shit with me as well with her ex. You should always be your partners’ top priority , no matter what , Your partner should always come before everyone else and sadly that’s why so many relationships do not make it the long haul , it mainly stems down to selfish mindsets , if you are in a relationship with someone that is constantly selfish , only caring about what is best for themselves and they treat you like a convenience, you are best to move on from that person and realize you deserve better than that shit. Always talk to your partner first before making that decision to leave , it’s respectful thing to do , sometimes people don’t realize they are being selfish , so they need that kick in the ass to realize what they are doing , but if things do not change after you express your feelings of concern to them? you are best to walk away from them and move on because you will only be hurting yourself by thinking that person actually loves and cares about you , they only care and love themselves. So don’t waste your time on being with someone that doesn’t make you their top priority , life is too short to be strung along by some selfish POS person that only cares about themselves. Have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and express your concerns to him , if he makes no change , kick him to the curb

[Asker]

I agree, he was mostly being selfish. He had to play nice with his ex even and kiss her ass so that he could get what he wants (so he’s basically also playing her?) while at the same time he’s setting my emotions/feelings aside…

I did have a chat with him and he seems remorseful. I just don’t know if I can trust that he’ll change his ways and I don't know if I should even give him a chance.

[Finchie40]

Put your foot down to him and tell him it’s either me or her , if he doesn’t stop contact with her that’s your answer to walk away

[Asker]

Okay I will. Thank you so much for the advice!

[andreasderjuengere]

Someone did that to me once - and I felt squeezed by her affection.

I won't do that myself to someone who is important to me.

But my favourite girls do know that I'm always on standby for them.

[Asker]

That’s so sweet. I do think there needs to be a proper balance to be maintained otherwise you/your partner might end up feeling suffocated like you did.

[andreasderjuengere]

Yes - ''balance'' is a really good suggestion :)

[DishLady]

Look, the reality is when you’re dating a guy with kids… the kids should always come first. He’s always going to be a dad first… he has an obligation to protect that kid for life (or at least till the kid says he/she can stand on his/her own two feet, which ironically is the hardest thing for a parent to hear).


You have to understand his priority to his kid — not his ex, even though it may be the ex asking for what the kid needs. There’s no way around that.


If you’re only dating (and not living together), a few things you can do to show YOUR support is to note the weekends he’s supposed to be with his kid. Knowing that for yourself helps you know when it’s not ok to pester him with texts or whine about going someplace other than where he has to be as a dad.


If you’re living together, find small ways to ask how you can help out or share in a few moments with them to help create a bond or connection.


Having said all this, it looks like your question is more about HIM prioritizing YOU…. A guy will always make time for his lady if she’s a priority to him. But DO NOT make him choose between being your boyfriend and being a dad… It would be extremely selfish and low class on your part.

[Asker]

I agree that he needs to prioritize his daughter, I’m not trying to get in the way of him and his child. But it’s the ex specifically that’s bothering me. He would ditch me to meet up with her (while her daughter is out with her grandparents) to help with her work. His ex would act passive aggressive towards me and he would choose her side over mine. I know his daughter comes before me, I’m full aware of that and I’m proud that he would put his daughter first (as he should) but I think he needs to separate his ex from the equation… I don’t want to make him choose between his ex or me, I have a feeling that he’d choose her so I’ll be staying out of this.

[DishLady]

Eyw that does sound weird….

What kind of “work” is he helping her with? If it’s something that directly impacts their kid then let it slide but otherwise… if that’s his EX there should be healthy boundaries set up.

You might have to be the one to set some of those boundaries and be prepared to walk if he insists on not seeing your perspective.

[Asker]

Precisely… super sus. I just wanted him to set some proper healthy boundaries with his ex, but he always end up defending his ex and justifying her actions. Like she would randomly video call him just to ask if he’s with me, and she wouldn’t let him see his daughter if he doesn’t go out for lunch with her (he showed me their texts). I’m aware that his ex is not over him and is using their daughter as leverage.

It was basically her asking him to look at furnitures together to get his opinion (she’s an interior designer) which is clearly just an excuse to get him to go out with her lol.

I have talked to him about this, he said it was a wake up call. He realized that he’s basically kissing his ex’s ass in order to get access to his daughter which he shouldn’t need to do. He’s her dad so he has the right to see his daughter. But I already feel betrayed bcs his ex disrespected me and he still sided with her (this was a month ago). He’s now only realizing that he’s been enabling his ex but I don’t think I can trust him anymore. I’m definitely considering walking away bcs it’s been 3 years of me feeling like I come second to his ex… I have no issues with his daughter but it’s his ex that I seem to have to compete with and I don’t want to play that game :(

[Anonymous]

When you know better you’re supposed to do better, that’s maturing and growing as a woman. You have already dated a man who didn’t prioritize your needs, and you know how that made you feel, so why would you settle for that again? No 🍆 is that good and no man is worth sacrificing your wants and needs. As someone who dated a man with a kid, let me just say that if he’s active in his kids life, then it won’t take long to see what his dynamic is like with the baby mama. That’s when you decide whether or not you want any parts of that dynamic. When you realized how he was with her, rather than leave him you chose to keep making excuses and holding on to hope rather than acting in your best interest. He may not ever make you feel like a priority over his ex and for all you know he could still love her, no matter how much he says he hates her or talks down on her, remember it takes a lot of care to hate someone. I wouldn’t sign up for a future like this.

[Asker]

You’re absolutely right! I do deserve to be treated like I’m a priority and shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t even consider my feelings. I just thought that he would be different bcs in the beginning he was able to balance his priorities (including me and our relationship) but as of lately he’s been ditching me over his ex and I’m not having any of it. I have never even met his ex or the daughter, he keeps that part of his life hidden and separate so I will stay out of it and stay out of his life in general.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry love, I remember being in your shoes all too well and despite everything it hurts a lot. You gave him benefit of the doubt, which was fair, but now that you’re seeing his true nature it’s better to walk away. Nothing is wrong with having a healthy coparenting relationship, but when he’s doing things like ditching you for her and prioritizing her then that’s where the line gets drawn. Right now, you sound like the secret affair he’s keeping from his family, and that’s just not ok.

[Asker]

Exactly 🥲 I don’t mind him co-parenting, I respect that honestly, it shows that he’s a responsible man. But the fact that he would ditch me to make his ex happy (so that she allows him to still see his daughter) is something that I’m not okay with. If it were for other reasons like an emergency, or even just for his daughter then I’d understand. But he ditched me bcs he didn’t want his ex to feel upset, when she gets upset she would ban him from seeing his daughter. It does make me feel like I’m just “the other woman” and that I’m competing for his attention with his ex (and she’s well aware of me and our relationship).

[Opinion Owner]

Is there any good reason he hasn’t gone to court over this?

[Asker]

She has full custody bcs that was their initial agreement. I don’t want to make him choose between me or his ex but it’s clear that his ex is sabotaging our relationship. I don’t want to be made to feel like I’m just an option so I think I have to walk away…

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it’s just bias due to my past experience but when men act like there’s just no other way to see their kid outside of kissing their exes ass, I call bullshit. It takes real time and work, but he can have this situation changed if it were what he really wanted. If their kid is under 10, I’m willing to bet it’s deeper than that. In any case what their relationship is doesn’t matter so much as how it affects the one he has with you. If he wants you to be his girlfriend then you should be a priority as well, not in competition with her for his time. If that’s how it’s going to be then yeah, I’d say it’s not worth it. My current boyfriend does have a kid, but it’s vastly different than how my ex was with his BM. My man doesn’t have full custody either but sets boundaries. He’s not at her every beck and call, he doesn’t even talk to her about anything other than their kid. Meanwhile my ex was just like yours, and I can now see how much those interactions matter.

[Asker]

That’s what I’m mostly hurt about, he didn’t have to kiss her ass to get access to his daughter, it made it seem as if she still has power over him and that he might still have a soft spot for her…

I did talk to him about it and he seems genuinely remorseful. He said he wants to make it work with me but I’m not sure if I can trust him. His ex is always gonna be in his life and so far I can’t see him setting clear boundaries with her. I also don’t want to limit his access from seeing his daughter so I feel like the best option is for me to leave the equation so that he can maintain his status quo.

I’m glad that your current man is able to set clear boundaries, it’s definitely not easy trying to balance between co-parenting and nurturing a new relationship so kudos to the both of you!! I’m just unsure of what steps to take in my case… I don't know if my man can step up to be like your current man

[Opinion Owner]

Oh thanks honey💛 it’s been very much night and day from current boyfriend to ex lol. My biggest advice would be to act in your own best interest, and if that means leaving then do that. My one regret with my ex was giving him too much benefit of the doubt in a situation that I knew I didn’t like. With your boyfriend, only time will tell. Like you said, he’s stuck with her forever and that means you are too for however long you are together. So if he doesn’t correct his behavior, I’d just leave him to kissing her ass and be done.

[Asker]

That’s true, I should’ve known what I was getting myself into when I initially started getting involved with him…

Best of luck to you and your man tho, I hope everything works out in the end the way you want it too. Thanks so much for listening to my rants and for the advice, you’ve been lovely ❤️

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, navigating the waters of relationships and feeling like a priority is like trying to find the perfect balance on a seesaw - it takes adjustment and intention! It's not at all too much to ask to feel cherished and prioritized by your partner. Actually, it's a vital ingredient in the love potion we're all trying to brew. 😉

To sprinkle that magic dust and make your partner feel like the star of your show, it’s all about the little acts of love and the big gestures of dedication. Tune into their love language - whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Whisper sweet nothings, plan unexpected date nights, or simply hold their hand when they least expect it. Remember, it's the thought and the effort that counts, not just the grandeur of the gesture.

Communication is your golden ticket here. Openly discuss your needs and desires, and encourage your partner to do the same. Sometimes a simple reminder that "Hey, I value our time together, and I'd love to feel more of a priority in your life" can work wonders. Co-creating boundaries, especially when co-parenting is involved, can help ensure that everyone's needs are respected and met.

At the end of the day, love, making your partner feel like a priority is about showing up for them, in both the mundane and the monumental moments. It's about carving out that special space in your life where your partner feels not just included, but essential. And remember, a relationship is a dance - sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, but always together, prioritizing the rhythm you create as a duo. Keep the conversation flowing, the love glowing, and the priorities showing! 💖

[Chevy1_kb]

M sick of doing that then getting hurt or cheated on I deserve to be the priority rather than him I give my life and soul to love what for jack shit but heart break a don't want love anymore am happy liking Uma Thurman my hearts to nice it's a heart a gold it can't afford to be broke and melted till AV no heart left anymore I still have trust issues anyway my last ex boyfriend was that bad but wee put it in the past still friends but I made it perfectly clear friends is far enough he agreed nothing more

[Asker]

I hope you get to find someone that’ll treat you like their number one priority!

[Chevy1_kb]

Thank you very much Asker

[rosemilk]

there's a lot that goes into it. a few things that need to be shown as a priority is communication, spending quality time together, showing affection and appreciation, giving them your support and encouraging them, doing small gestures (see something at the store you think they'd like? get it, surprise them), involving each other in any decisions. this makes your partner feel valued and loved and they don't question if they're a priority or not.

[Asker]

These are all really great examples, you’re pretty much on point. Thanks so much for sharing!!

[rosemilk]

you're welcome! thanks for thinking so

[electromagnetic]

Recently I’ve been watching football with my partner on tsn. I’m not a fan of the sport but it’s nice to see him enjoy the process of explaining and I’ve notice it really improves he's mood.

I think little things like that.

[Asker]

It’s such a simple thing to do but I’m sure it matter a lot to him, love to see this!

[paledreams]

Courtesy. Which I took from a training video.
The basics of any natural customer service person by profession or by nature.
And the obvious cuddly stuff, like pigeons, cuddle, wing flags, kisses, pecks, hugs ☺️🥜😋

[paledreams]

And actually being helpful like taking a hint , unloading shopping, helping with chores, being useful and without having to be told 😁😆🤭

[Asker]

That’s really sweet, the small things do matter a lot!

[paledreams]

And even as someone never in a relationship romance, even as a platonic relationship, friendship business or family, nothing's worse than the small things not being mattered - and ironically that's what breaks lol in my mind, cause I know myself, I'm like "oh well, excuse me" lol 😂😆 in a scenario just like tonight, I went to bed, no one waited up after my shower even as a courtesy lol 😆 luckily lights left on inside ahahaha night 🌉🌃

[paledreams]

Those small things mmmm 👀👀

[paledreams]

And that's what people get wrong in relationships and then they ruin it by not even doing the things like offering to help unpack groceries and doing so without by not even have to be asking or even you know, pitching in, giving a contribution or making effort

[paledreams]

Ah well. I for one wash dishes ahahaha

[Asker]

You’re right, people have a tendency to get too comfortable that they end up neglecting the little acts of love. The big ones matter too but it’s usually the accumulation of the little things that can either make or break a relationship. Also, you gotta remember to not overlook the little things and be sure to not take them for granted of course!

[Juxtapose]

Someone shows you that you are a priority by making time for you and treating you as good as themselves or better.

[Asker]

This is a straightforward answer, thanks for sharing!

[Juxtapose]

Thanks, I like to stick to the point because otherwise it gets lost.

[Asker]

And I really appreciate that, hope you’re having a good one!

[Juxtapose]

It's been alright so far, ups and downs but I will keep your good wish in mind. You're welcome and thank you.

[MrDaveAPSI]

You have to realize that, once you have a kid, the kid becomes their life, not you.

This is one reason why I don't want kids

[Asker]

I understand that. I just want him to prioritize me over his ex 🥲

[MrDaveAPSI]

He has a child, that won't happen. If you can't tolerate dating someone with a kid, break up

[Asker]

Yeah I’m considering just walking away. I just wanted him to stand up for me when his ex is disrespecting me. He would even ditch me to meet up with his ex just for lunch (without their daughter, just the two of them) even though we’ve been together for 3 years. I love how he puts his daughter over everything, I just wished he could put me second at least…

[MrDaveAPSI]

Right, he's gotta understand that his kid comes first, and that his ex is his ex. I think you need to drop him. It doesn't really sound like he ever truly got over her. Girls can be very tough to get over, trust me

[Asker]

You’re right, his ex has also been holding us back from moving forward with our relationship so I don’t think it’s ever gonna work out sadly… I did talk to him about this and he said it’s a wake up call, he didn’t realize he was catering to his ex so much, he was just scared that his ex wouldn’t let him see his daughter anymore if he doesn’t do as she says. I think it’s an issue that they need to work out between the two of them and one I’m staying far away from… sad

[jahaims]

By making them a priority

[Asker]

Apparently some people just don’t get this