I don't want to leave my husband, how can I stop him from treating me badly?

Question

I had a difficult childhood. My mother left us when I was little and my father was a careless father. I never had a boyfriend until I was 22. I graduated from university and started working. I met my wife while working at the same workplace and we got married a year later. He knows that I had a difficult childhood and that my mother abandoned us, and he makes fun of this situation. Sometimes he forces me to have sex, constantly humiliates me, beats me and apologizes 5 minutes after doing this.

RebelinSteel · Accepted Answer

A tad confused by this bit ‘ . I met my wife ’, that is not exactly autocorrect.
Anyhow, you don’t want to leave but you want it to stop. Then as adults you need to sit down and talk it through, explain that if he does not stop you will leave him. You have to be firm with this, as if you have the sit down chat and he effectively calls your bluff, you life has the possibility of getting worse. Talking about it is the first option, also going to a marriage counsellor.

MisterWack · Accepted Answer

Apologizing after forcing you into sex, humiliating constantly, and beating you up doesn’t make that okay. Take him to marriage counseling and if it doesn’t work, divorce him from a distance (move in with relatives and don’t tell him where you went to navigate divorce properly without fear of harm coming onto you)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm confused by this because your title says husband and then you say your wife, and "he". Regardless, you cannot make somebody treat you better. I know this from personal experience because I wasted years of my life with an abusive ex. It sounds like you are dealing with a selfish, uncaring, cruel, and abusive person. The only way that the bad treatment will stop is if you leave.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

You can’t MAKE someone stop treating you poorly. They have to WANT to do it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating through the stormy weather of marriage can sometimes feel like trying to sail without a compass. 🌊 Yet, it's crucial to know when the sea is just too rough. Love should feel like a safe harbor, not a battleground. If your partner is making fun of your past traumas, forcing intimacy, belittling you, or physically hurting you, it's more than a red flag; it's a signal flare for help.

The strength it took for you to share this speaks volumes about your resilience. Remember, the scars of our past don't define our worth or the love we deserve. It's essential to seek support—reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can help you navigate these turbulent waters.

Safety should always come first. Consider contacting local domestic violence resources or a therapist skilled in relational trauma. They can provide a lifeboat as you decide the best course of action for you and possibly your relationship.

Finding love and respect starts with the reflection in the mirror; you deserve someone who treats you as the treasure you are, not someone who buries you under their own issues. Remember, navigating away from harmful situations isn't just about leaving; it's about moving closer to the love and respect you deserve. Your journey might be tough, but I believe in your strength to sail through to safer shores. 🌈💪

Finchie40 · Answer

If he is beating you , you need to leave his ass and move on from him period, find yourself a guy that doesn’t hit you

RavVid · Answer

I am a bit confused on gender here with wife and husband.

At the very least it is unkind. This person should consider if they want a sustainable relationship. Humiliating and beating is not sustainable. To be honest this wife/husband has some problems and you should recognize that and think about why you chose them.

An honest discussion would be that you can't live with this.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I believe you have a misfortune of dealing with bad people in your life, so this is why it happens, maybe this could be it? Maybe you will have to leave your husband or look into possibly getting counseling, but your husband should not laugh at you.

Anonymous · Answer

users on GAG are just gonna pick and choose who they believe in a real woman and who's a man with a pink account

I'm willing to bet a whole chunk of biased users here will choose the former rather than the latter for this particular story

IslaTheWitch · Answer

you got your answers in your other question... but as you don't want to change anything... nothing will change

Anonymous · Answer

Be overly nice to him even when he treat you badly and be devoted to him, I was in the same situation I did this and it worked. In my situation he became sick and I took care of him days and night even after everything he did to me like giving me bruises and broke two of my teeth but after doing this and seeing how I was devoted to him and loved him he stopped treating me badly and screaming at me.

spartan55 · Answer

If you stay with him he WILL eventually kill you. Think I'm exaggerating? Look at the statistics.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

The only way he will stop abusing you is if you leave him.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

And you don't want to leave this regretful choice why?

Staximus · Answer

I didn't know why you would marry a guy like that, there are a million more guys out there. Just leave him already and stop punishing yourself and being miserable like an idiot.

Juxtapose · Answer

Jesus fucking Christ lady there are so many men out there you do not have to take a man who is going to fucking beat you. He's a piece of shit, have a little bit of self-respected & dignity.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Any violence=police involvement. Leave before he says look what you made me do

onedarkcloud · Answer

LEAVE NOW it is not going to get any better more than likely worse. What you are going through is not love but outright abuse

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

I have to say I hate guys who are not in love with you your younger don't let him be able to ruin the experience with others.

OddBeMe · Answer

You can’t. Sorry. Likely that behavior is set in him.

Twalli · Answer

You can't stop his abuse

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Is he doing this knowing that he's hurting you?😔

ILIVEGODSLIFE · Answer

Damn I don't think he will ever stop

I don't want to leave my husband, how can I stop him from treating me badly?

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I believe you have a misfortune of dealing with bad people in your life, so this is why it happens, maybe this could be it? Maybe you will have to leave your husband or look into possibly getting counseling, but your husband should not laugh at you.