Should I leave my husband?

[victoriaxoxo]

We have been dating for a year and married for 7 months. We got married for tax reasons as it was beneficial. We get on very well and we never fight, however, I am finding that I don't feel much for him other than companionship. I hardly miss him, I don't want to have sex with him and overall I am starting to find his company irritating. Recently I hinted to him that I might be feeling like this and he's admitted that he also no longer has any feelings for me. However, he is against breaking up as he thinks that long term our relationship makes sense. He gets sad at the thought of us breaking up and it's made it very difficult for me to officially break things off with him. To complicate things, when we got together he moved countries to live closer to me and he's also recently quit his job and is unemployed. He has about 10k in savings and he can always go back home to his parents but the guilt I feel over ending things is a bit too much. Should I call it quits and deal with the guilt? If so what's the best way about it? Or should I just ride it out (at least for a while)?

[HollyK21]

I’m sure a lot of people would call this cold, but you have to do what’s best for you, and if that’s leaving him then you should do it. I understand your predicament makes things hard and you’d feel guilty, but there’s never a right time to leave a relationship. If it weren’t that, it’d be something else. On top of that, life is too short to stay in situations that no longer serve you or make you happy. He won’t like the news, but it’s not easy for you either and this isn’t just about him. I’d say to set a move out date, make sure your ducks are in order, and go from there. He will be alright.

[Guardian45]

Since by your own admission, yours was not a love marriage, then that means you have an arranged marriage for a purpose.

Re-visit those objectives. Are they still relevant today as when you married? Arranged marriages are legitimate marriages if each partner is responsible for goals that both of you want.

For example, he wants someone will have his children, raise them and keep his home. In return, she may demand he buy her a house and take her on vacation every year and provide her financial security. If both of you can affirm the terms of your arranged marriage and commit to their role's responsibility, then there is no reason to end the commitment you made to each other.

If those goals are broken or no longer relevant, then divorce and ho your separate ways.

[Guardian45]

Thank you for MHG

[DoctorSex]

Be careful with divorcing. Being divorced will work against you statistically when getting into another relationship. Women who divorce are more than twice as likely to divorce again. Men understand this so you will be perceived as a huge red flag.
Whatever decision you choose to make, be mindful of this.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[victoriaxoxo]

I'm not considering getting divorce tbh. Just separating. Of course in time he might want to get divorced and that I need to consider as I will need to find another person to marry me so I can still benefit from the tax allowance. I don't give two tosses about marrying for any other reason but yh still need to be realistic that at some point he might want to divorce and remarry.

[RiseofArtemis]

Make him get a job or a reason to be with you. He gives you way more then you might realize. Having a man in the house is beneficial to you. If you want to be more attracted to him make him work out so he builds muscle. If he always does something essential for you and you drop him you might start to miss him and companionship is often what people exactly need and often don't realize how important it is. I'm sure you would enjoy a warm bedside with him more then a cold empty side. And on top of that depending on which country you live in you'd have to pay alimony to him which can be expensive.

[Guy13]

Can you walk me through this please. You dated a year and got married for immigration or tax purposes-whatever…. So there was no love simply Business. Why please ⁉️ I’m just trying to understand the logic of it? Can you explain it to me, please?

[victoriaxoxo]

Well I don't know from his point of view but for me my tax rate went down from 50% to 9%. Not to say I didn't like him when I did it, it is just that I don't really aspire to marry even if I'm dating the love of my life (just seems unnecessary and expensive). For him I think it was mainly a way to stay together as his visa expired and he needed to find a way to stay in the country. Granted he also benefits from extended rights to travel anywhere now that we're hitched.

[Guy13]

It sounded like a VISA deal to me and have heard of individuals that Sold marriage for 20,000 cash. When i read it I knew it was not a tax rate thing... Church weddings and State paperwork are a 1000.00 and NOT expensive to marry. Expense has nothing to do with it. Love of money and resource over commitment has much to do with it. I'm the guy SO I get 50% loss of 4.000.000 hard assets generating Income potential Loss. I choose marriage... at some point. Money is simply a tool NOT a goal to be hoarded.-there is no security in ti... too me. ;-)

[Weapon77]

You two clearly need one of 3 things before you go to the drastic action of divorce. 1) To spend some time apart (like a mini vacation) since being together too much can cause your issues) 2) A separation where you live separately for a while to figure out if you really need to stay together or not 3) Couples counseling. As a psychologist, I recommend couples counseling immediately. Don't rush any decisions and let a professional give you high quality advice first.

[motownplayer2000]

Never should have gotten married in the first place. Married for “tax” reasons? Really? That’s the worst excuse to get married if I ever heard any. It was doomed from the start if that was your reasoning. Normally I would say try to work things out. But seeing as you had nothing there in the beginning, yeah, cut the losses and move on. He will be fine. It’s a cardinal rule of mine, I will never move anywhere just to be with a woman. It’s dumb, and he is paying for that

[AviatorTom]

Only you can answer that question. A bunch of random people might give you advice but it's your life, your decision.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, if neither of you has feelings for the other, why prolong it?

[Wade12345]

Hey, leave your husband. I'm available, by the way :).

[ArtemisSilver]

You could always open things up and stay partners. You never know, the new excitement and energy might rekindle the spark too

[nawtee_me]

you both screwed up by getting married to begin with... Money doesn't buy happiness, can you see that now? If nothing changes then guess what? nothing changes...

[Jerre]

Time to call it quits especially if love or sex doesn’t exist between the two of you

[NYCQuestions1976]

Time to call it quits and move on.

[TaylorSwiftFan62]

Yes :)

[eagle1951]

yes!