Should I leave my husband for this reason?

[Anonymous]

My husband is hiding the content in his laptop from me and it's been happening for a few years now. I put up with this because I hoped for a change but 3 years later we're in the same place. I'm very mad at him and frustrated. I have the right to believe that he may be cheating on me if so strongly he protects his laptop from me. I'm so done , so much living in fight or flight mode and I'm exhausted. I want honesty and transparency, to be friends and to share everything with each other and what I get it secrets, hiding and dishonesty. He promise every week that he will stop this but it doesn't happen. I don't think he loves me enough and I want to break up with him.

[Lionman95]

Your problem is that you believe in full honesty and transparency in a relationship and a marriage including giving each other access to your electronic devices and he doesn't so you're part of the problem because though you either didn't know that but took for granted that it he agrees with you or you knew that he doesn't agree but nonetheless you married him.

So the problem won't go away when you're leaving your husband since the next guy could be the same.

So because you realised after marrying him that he's not agreeing with you, you probably started to demand access to his laptop. The problem with that is that the message to him is that you're attacking his personality and privacy something he's not willing to give up. The reason he's not willing to give it up since as a guy he likes to keep some level of independence because otherwise it makes him feel he's seen as a child that can't make decisions on his own. Guys want a woman that trusts them because trust and love are synonyms from a guy's point of view. You asking for access to all his devices shows to him that you don't trust him which makes him feel not loved but controlled. That's a situation nearly all guys want to avoid.

So to avoid being controlled he starts to distant himself from you emotionally and that probably leads to conflict in your relationships with him spending more time online than with you.

That let to you feeling neglected and not loved since he spends time without you and makes you insecure assuming he's cheating on you.

So before you break up try to talk to him in a calm way and speak with him about the relationship and your issues while also listening to him. Currently you're expectations are on opposite ends so I'd rather try to find a way that makes them move closer together. Only if that's not possible I think break up is inevitable since you'll always fight in the future.

[sheikalana]

I love my husband to death but I also wouldn't let him go through my phone or laptop. I have nothing to hide but I have personal stuff and even though we're married we're still both entitled to our own privacy. I also wouldn't go through his phone and laptop I respect his privacy. Our relationship is very honest and we tell everything to each other.

[Anonymous]

Sound like you already know the answer and it seems you have all the reasons to.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope