What's worse for a man, divorce or toxic marriage?

[Anonymous]

I'm a fiancee for the first time and aware of men's issues about it. Personally I don't want wealth (never did) and would happily sign a prenup. I never asked anyone for money. I gave money and got scammed.

What's worse for a man though?

- She divorces you for no good reason, sadly for monetary incentive. She makes the rest of us look bad.

- She never divorces you, never cheats but it's still a toxic marriage. She's a jealous freak and there are constant arguments. You feel unloved, unwanted and she treats you terrible, even emotionally/psychologically abuses you, causing you stress and later on health issues. You even start contemplating divorce yourself.

A divorce, she wasted your time

A bad marriage causing stress and health issues

[MisterWack]

To compare these two options is apples to oranges.
Yea divorce can feel like a waste of time though I would say to continue to stay in that vile, abusive, stress causing environment that lowers your health is worse. My advice: Divorce, don’t stay in that crap.

A toxic relationship is not meant to be preserved, cut it off whether family or friend or boyfriend/girlfriend or heaven forbid marriage.

Think of it like a toxic waste-dump, sure moving out would feel like wasted time when you could’ve lived in Vermont however continuing to stay will deteriorate your well being which means you should move out, that it is never too late to leave and move on with your life. To stay is wasted time more than leaving. Thank you.

[Asker]

yeah, it's better to be alone than being miserable so much.

[MisterWack]

Thank you!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Living with a demon is far worse.

[Asker]

True. I'd rather be single than be miserable.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of love and commitment, I'd say neither option is a cruise to the Bahamas, but if I had to pick, staying in a toxic marriage is like being shackled to the Titanic post-iceberg hit. Hear me out! 🚢💔

A divorce, especially one rooted in financial greed, can feel like a punch to the gut, no doubt about it. It's a stark revelation that love stories can end with a plot twist you never saw coming. However, it's a wound that time, self-care, and maybe a few laughs with friends can heal. You regain your freedom, your autonomy, and the chance to find love that respects and enriches you.

On the flip side, a toxic marriage can slowly chip away at your very soul. It's like sipping poison every morning instead of coffee. The constant arguments, feeling unloved, and being treated poorly can take a toll not just emotionally but physically too. It's a slow burn that can leave scars far deeper than a clean break would.

So, while divorce may not be the party anyone signed up for, staying in a toxic environment is like refusing to leave the party even though the building is on fire. 🔥 Choose growth, choose health, and most importantly, choose happiness. Love shouldn't feel like a battlefield, and sometimes, waving the white flag of divorce is actually a victory march towards a happier life.

[Finchie40]

Toxic marriage is worse , cuz that will more than likely lead to a divorce

[Alli112]

I mean I think gender regardless, being free and separate from a person who will willing harm you, even if there is some resulting financial difficulties, is better for a person long-term. (Aka, I'm pro-divorce when the situation calls for it, I'm actually pro-no fault divorce in general.) You can always make more money, you can't get back the time or sense of wellbeing that you loose when in a toxic or abusive relationship.

No sane person is divorcing "for no reason" and that is a problematic narrative that frames women as heartless and selfish. Maybe the person's reasons aren't publicized, or understood by their ex, but what normal person would go through a process as long and difficult as a divorces if they were happy in their marriage to begin with? No one. Don't trivialize the difficult life decisions that other people face, regardless of gender.

Women are generally blamed for divorce because statistically they are more likely to initiate, but I say we should actually just be encouraging men to more clearly evaluate their situations and be more proactive in either resolving or ending a problematic marriage, as well as focusing on destigmatizing the status of being divorced so that people feel safer walking away from an unsafe situation.

Men's rights issues are so real, but we can't resolve them by blaming or villainizing women. We have to find ways to help men live safer, healthier, and more emotionally fulfilling lives from a positive direction.

[Asker]

I think there would be less toxic relationships/marriages if more people actually took their time in the vetting process, in getting to know the person better and see if they're even compatible. Perhaps the problem starts when people just focus on finding love but fail to realize if there is good communication, mutual interests, respect, etc.

[Alli112]

I mean, sure some people get married pretty quickly, but plenty of people spend a long time dating and getting to know their partner only to have one or both individuals change significantly over the years (develop new goals, shift their value system, etc). I've seen both first hand so I'm less inclined to say "this is a problem that we need to fix by doing/encouraging X" and more "divorce IS the solution to this problem, so let's just be kind to the people who end up in that position"

[HawkPerception]

First off, And congrats and getting engaged! Also, your mentality that you have on money is every man's dream in a partner, so lucky guy you have there. And the fact that you're willing to sign a prenup is a great show of faith that you're not with him for his money. To have a partner as empathetic and caring as you is winning the real lottery in life.

My answer to this question is... it depends. If there's no way to salvage or better the marriage and you've just fallen out of love and feel trapped, toxic marriage can be terrible. But on the other hand, if you've spent many many years with your partner and then have a divorce, that can really take a chunk from your heart as well. There are so many factors to take into account, but I believe they can both be worse than each other. It goes by a case by case scenario.

[Asker]

Thank you. I think it's important for both genders to do the vetting process when they meet someone and want to date to have serious commitment. This means, the chances of being stuck with a toxic person can be greatly reduced.
I actually know what's it like being used for money, as a commodity. It's one of the worst feelings ever because it's like the person hates you, clearly doesn't even like you as a person nor your qualities. I actually think that's worst than getting used for sex and them ghosting you because that's a scam by then, a long-term game. My ex boyfriend had made a couple attempts to contact me under different number (I end up immediately blocking them all), meanwhile still owning me money (my money he promised to return) from 2018. Yeah sucks, I got used for friendship, relationship, sex and money. Oh well, I'm at a better place now.

[Lynx122]

I think toxic marriage is worse. A divorce will ruin a guy financially for a while but most men can bounce back from that and rebuild their life. But having a person in your life that's a constant negative influence on you is worse. But if you're not married you can just break up with somebody who's being toxic and you don't have to worry about your future because of a bad relationship.

[Jessikaah91]

Can go either way, toxic marriage - who wants to stay in a toaxic marriage she could be treating him like trash and they're could be constant fighting which no one really wants.

Or..

Divorce - she could take everything that he owns unless she signed some prenup

So both could technically be bad.. depending on what type of woman she was/is

[Anonymous]

the divorce itself to be honest which it could leave the man broke, homeless and his reputation damaged if his wife chooses to make lies and false accusations about him not mention having his kids poisoned against him

I believe men can handle a toxic marriage, their brains are wired to endure hardships though ideally they shouldn't have to go through this in a marriage that supposed to be loving. now if cheating was involved in this toxic marriage, then that's a automatic deal breaker and a divorce would be much better than blatant disloyalty and disrespect

[Asker]

Yeah cheating is something no one should sacrifice their dignity for. I'd rather be poor and happy alone than stuck with a cheater.
I think they should change the laws and make monetary incentive only useful in an extreme circumstance such as he becomes abusive, beats her, doesn't provide for the kids (wasting it on other women and parties) and is a terrible person.

[Purpleronnie]

My view is that a toxic marriage would be infinitely worse. I’d rather be single for the rest of my days than suffer that !

[Asker]

yeah in that case it's better to be alone than with bad company

[Purpleronnie]

Exactly 👍

[strangeatcircleK]

It's tough... It's something both genders struggle with.

Being with someone toxic to you

Or being alone

Being alone is a tricky thing

according to gaggers on this site, you can be happy and single

However, not every one feels that way. It is a fear and fear is not real but finding a relationship again, especially when you are older is crazy difficult

[Anonymous]

Hard to say which is worse. I don't think it does ANYBODY any good to be in a loveless marriage. But the biggest problem I'd say is people not taking the time to really vet the person they marry. Most people will say, "thier partner changed" or "thier partner tricked them". When the REALITY is thier partner likely told them exactly who they were with thier actions. They were just to in thier feelings and ignored EVERY red flag.

My personal opinion is take you time! Make sure you get this RIGHT! You're not on any timeline. And if the person you're with is the right person for you they will wait. And this goes for either gender.

[Asker]

Yes the vetting process is indeed very important. Getting married for the sole reason of falling in love and nothing else (not even knowing if they're even compatible) is foolish. There is more to it than just feelings. There needs to be communication, like-minded goals respect and trust too.

[mattthefatbat]

I believe a toxic marriage is worse, because no one likes being in a toxic relationship and I've met guys that have been through 4 or 5 divorces before, and frankly don't regret it especially when they didn't want to be apart of that toxic relationship/marriage anymore

[UnicornLobotomy]

Ouch. He could be picked dry by child support and even losing a house and car for kids he will be alienated from. Many guys self-delete after such things or become fat alcoholics and die young and bitter.

A toxic marriage can be mitigated until the kids are about 16-19 if the guy has a supportive family and a good business/job to run to for room to breathe I suppose. If cheating is going on though its best to just bite the bullet and divorce quickly.

[ProbablyClueless]

A toxic marriage would be way worse. It's a long, slow, drawn out process of awfulness.

[Asker]

True. I can't imagine how hard it would be returning home to deal with the same toxicity.

[ProbablyClueless]

I imagine that kind of thing happens as the person makes more and more concessions over time. Slowly pushing those boundaries and expectations back.

If it used to be that you and your partner each agreed to cook each other meals 3 nights per week. It's really understandable for life to get busy and dial it back to 2 nights per week. Then it's 1 night. And then it's ordering takeout. And then eventually you come back home hungry as hell, and your girlfriend/boyfriend tells you to go fuck yourself because their stories are on "and you've been look pudgy lately anyhow."

[WhitneySnow]

Based on my parents’ marriage, at the relatively mature age of 18 I honestly feel that toxic marriage is worse for both genders.

[OddBeMe]

Bad marriage is worse for everyone. Most important: any kids.

But even if man or wife wants a bad marriage, they shouldn’t.

[Asker]

Exactly. Personally speaking, sometimes I wish my parents would've divorced long ago. It should have been over as soon as their arguments became insults and yelling matches. Once it gets to insults, that's disrespectful and bad. I believe a couple can disagree without hurtling insults.

[OddBeMe]

That shit is corrosive. And psychs are discovering how important a happy loving childhood is on adults.

[Juxtapose]

Set me free instead of keeping me in a toxic prison.

[Asker]

True. ''That's the spirit''. It's better to be alone than with bad company.

[Juxtapose]

At least if I am by myself it is good company and I can find better company regardless.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Let's face it, what you're proposing is to make a choice based on two people who haven't done their homework in picking out the right partner in the first place..
I dated SO many women to find the right one. Now I don't have that dilemma!

[TommyMountainFigure]

On a side note.. Good luck with your engagement, and I hope your marriage is as happy as mine!

[Asker]

Thank you very much and I'm glad to hear you have a good, healthy marriage. I think people fail at their vetting process and if they focus too much on marrying just because they fell in love without knowing if they're even compatible on their goals and importante things that's where they'll end up miserable.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You have a wise head on your shoulders.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I picked toxic marriage. There may be times I think the relationship (I'm not married) are toxic but they're just tough times. I'd hope we have a level of maturity to speak about our issues and work through them together.

Divorce is the worst for me, I'll have broken my word to my wife, to myself and to God. I'll have a prenup do idc about the other stuff that goes along with divorce UNLESS there are children then it's obviously even worse.

[Anonymous]

Half of marriage end in divorce and women file 80% of them. Of the half than don't divorce, at least half of those are miserable but the man chooses to stay anyway, usually because of the kids. So in 3/4 of of marriages men get screwed. Why in the world would a man choose to get married today?

[Asker]

What they feel must be the same reason I wouldn't be jumping with excitement if a man were to offer me cohabitation instead and just being at just girlfriend forever. Since it's easy finding a boyfriend to sleep and Iive with but harder to find one that seals the one, the equivalent of making a sales. I guess people naturally don't want anything that's not in their favor. What favors men doesn't favors us and vice-versa. If something Is so easy to get, that's not a challenge.
It would be great if things change, where both genders can enjoy both sex and marriage, where in an ideal world it would favor both at the same time; the man enjoys all the sex and passion and the woman his full commitment.

[Opinion Owner]

But a healthy, lasting marriage benefits both man and woman equally. Women destroying marriage the way they are today harms everyone.

[Asker]

That's what it should be like, healthy and lasting. In an ideal world, both would be happy.
My only suggestion is the law needs to be revised this way:
Shall the marriage end and it proceeds to divorce, in order to get monetary incentive then the offending party has to be found (with evidence) at total fault for a very serious offense. An example would be a horrible husband that's beating her up or wasting his money on women, vacation trips for himself and clubs, neglecting his children. Or him having a child with another woman.

[Asker]

If she just wants to divorce him because she got bored, wants to date others or whatever other reason outside of abuse and infidelity, I think she should get nothing.

[Opinion Owner]

Many studies have shown that the #1 reason for divorce is lack of commitment, not infidelity or abuse.

Yes, the laws need to change. But more importantly, women need to change.

[Asker]

I can't do it all alone though. Not so long ago I was reading about another woman that tried to speak up about it but it resulted in her car getting either vandalized or set on fire the next day and a couple women wanted to silence her. She got scared and never spoke up ever again. Honestly I would be scared too if that ever happened to me.

[Anonymous]

Men can move on from a divorce and even recover and exceed any loss of resources, even when it is for no good reason, but when a woman creates a toxic marriage a toxic marriage it is a constant drain on all of his resources monetary, physical, and mental. A toxic marriage is Domestic Abuse by women which society turns a blind eye to because there are no physical wounds, and society refuses to accept that men can suffer Domestic Abuse inflicted by women.

[meepmeeperton]

I think a bad marriage can make a man uniquely miserable. Just wears you down into a husk of a person.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Toxic marriage

At least in a divorce, you're out finding someone new

[genericname85]

both is quite terrible. because in our "oh so equal" society, it's the man who gets fucked in the vast majority of cases and women who decide to end it in the vast majority of cases.

[PatKirby]

The worst part is his inability to notice the red flags in the first place.

[Asker]

yeah I don't know how he could've missed that. Or maybe she was on her very best behavior during the boyfriend and girlfriend stage and kept hiding it until the end.

[paledreams]

A bad marriage lol unless the man the cause and the in charge lol - anyways glad I'm single

[paledreams]

So anyways they're probably all bad. And most men are stuff all as husband's material ladies lol 😆

[Anonymous]

They are both equally bad. That's why most men are turning their backs on marriage today.

[Asker]

And the innocent ones that never hurt you pay the price.

[Sasquach]

Toxic marriage by a land slide

[Nikki1989]

The toxic marriage.

[Taurus06]

I’d say a toxic marriage it can effect.

[CieloAzul]

Toxic marriage

[TonyMetal___86]

Both are worst than each other!

[MrGTAB]

Both of them sound pretty bad.