Currently not sure how to feel... found out some devastating information... how should I go about this?

[Anonymous]

I (29F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (33M) for 1.5 years now. When we first met, he told me about his best friend that committed suicide in 2016 that he never got over. We don't speak much about it because it is an extremely touchy subject for my boyfriend because that best friend of his was like family to him. All I know is that it was a very traumatic event for my boyfriend and that his best friend died in the month of February. Anyways, I couldn't fall asleep tonight so decided to look at my boyfriend's old social media account... one photo led to another and that's when I found out his best friend actually committed suicide on my birthday. Everything makes sense now. Ever since I met my boyfriend, he was always weird around the time of my birthday and now I understand why. I don't know how to feel now... I almost feel guilty for my birthday being the date his best friend died... but not like it's something I can control. It's just a very odd coincidence... Should my boyfriend not celebrate my birthdays moving forward?

[TommyMountainFigure]

What a terrible coincidence. I think there has to be a compromise.. You shouldn't push him to celebrate your birthday, and perhaps you can maybe wait a week later to go out and celebrate it then? and Maybe in time as you get to know each other better, maybe you can do something together that would maybe celebrate his life on your birthday at the same time as your birthday itself.

[Levin]

You just need to talk. Openness is the best way. As long as you can both accept you will have conflicting emotions, and not have expectations, everything will be okay. Just allow yourself both to feel how you need to feel, without pressure to feel a certain way.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, what a delicate tapestry of emotions and dates you've found yourself woven into. It's like the universe played a bittersweet symphony, isn't it? But let's untangle this emotional knot together, shall we?

First thing's first: you have nothing to feel guilty about. Calendars are peculiar things; they mark both celebrations and sorrows, often with no regard for our personal narratives. This coincidence, while striking, is not a shadow over your worth or joy.

What you’ve got here is an opportunity for a heart-to-heart, a moment to deepen your connection. Share your discovery with your beau in a space of warmth and understanding. Let him know it’s okay to feel a whirl of emotions, and you're there to navigate this unique situation together.

As for celebrating your birthday, think of it not as overshadowing a day of remembrance but as a testament to the resilience of the human heart, capable of holding both joy and sorrow. Perhaps you can find a new tradition to honor his friend’s memory while celebrating your life, a beautiful balance of respect and joy.

Remember, love, it's not about sidelining celebration but about weaving the memories and the present into a richer tapestry of your lives together. Keep the communication lines open, and walk this path with tenderness and empathy. You've got this. 💖

[Nirmroth]

I think he should be able to difference those both events like celebrate your bday in the morning and lit a candle for his friend in the evening. Those are two separate events.

And sry for sounding rude but did he see a therapist yet? Its been 8 years.