Final decision…. how should I handle this?

Question

So, I told Devon that I don’t want a relationship right now, I just want to meet people. I’m going out with the doctor (who is, by the way, 9 years older than me). There is a good chance that the doctor and I will not spend the rest of our lives together. Devon told me that if I go out with the doctor, he won’t be able to speak to me again because of how hard it would be on him to see me go out with other guys. He said he wants to protect his heart. I truly still have feelings for Devon. He cares for me and has made an effort to change some of his habits. He thinks I’m putting him on the back burner if I go out with the doctor. The doctor and I do have a date set up. I have never been so stressed and confused in my life. There is a part of me that would love to show up at Devon’s door with arms opened wide and saying that I rejected that doctor. My whole future may depend on this moment. I’ve been encouraging Devon to go out with other girls, while I go out with other guys. To put yourselves out there since we’re young. He tells me he doesn’t want that. Devon could be my future husband, but I don’t know. I already have a date set up with the doctor. I’m close to the doctor’s grandma (we work together) and I don’t want to disappoint her. What should I do?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

By you wanting to go out with other guys is going to pretty much end things with Devon , Nobody gets into a relationship to decide oh let’s see other people , The fact that You said Devon changed some of his ways to appease you , shows That he values you, So by you wanting to go on this date with the doctor just shows you don’t value him , so you should really reconsider going on this date with that doctor if you don’t want to lose Devon , who cares that you worked with the Doctor’s Grand mom, I am sure she would understand your reasonings for not getting involved with her Grandson if you choose to stay with Devon. So you need to really ask yourself what you want , cuz right now you are treating Devon like a convenience, Ask yourself What are you really benefiting by seeing other people? when you already have someone that values you? I dated a girl that pulled this shit on me not to long ago, saying she wanted to see other people , I was devastated cuz I really liked her but I told her Pretty much the same thing that Devon told you, , it’s either Me or them , if you choose them then I am going to move on and find someone that doesn’t treat me like a convenience , she said she didn’t want to settle down and she told me she was going on a date with this other guy. That pretty much answered my question that she didn’t value me like I valued her , so I told her it was nice knowing her, but I am not going to be her convenience , so I ended up going out with another girl that I knew liked me but also played Games with me as well and has been asking me out when it was convenient for her , so I ended up having a great time with her, not going to lie it was hard , cuz I still really liked the other girl but I accepted her decision and moved on. After my date with the other girl , the girl I liked was blowing up my phone and confessed that she didn’t go on the date with the other guy , that she canceled the date and only wants to be with me , I said well I’m sorry it’s too late I met someone else , a girl that has been wanting to date me, someone that didn’t make me a convenience,, until I found out I was a convenience , considering I found out after the fact the other girl was married and cheating on her husband with me , So I ended that quickly , but before I found out she was married I said sorry to the girl that i really Liked and hung up the phone with her , she ended up showing up at my home begging for me to be with her and to give her another chance , of course I gave in and ended up having sex with her but little did she know I had sex with the married Girl the night before , which I felt bad about but oh well , it was her Fault for choosing to date other Guys is the way I look at it , so I didn’t feel as bad , I honestly felt like a pimp cuz I was tired of all the games girl’s play through my years of dating and marriage etc.. so I decided to not settle with her and told her the truth that I am tired of games , the married girl still calls me wanting to see me which i told her not until she divorces her husband, so I ended it with her as well, As for the other girl , she disappeared , So I am back to square one with being single and trying to meet someone that doesn’t make me a convenience, cuz it seems every one these days likes the convenience of each other

ohshee · Accepted Answer

First of all you have to do whatever you want to do because of all the reasons that you are to do them it doesn't matter how anybody else feels about it. Devin needs to stop being insecure non competent in himself because what he was saying to you he's afraid he will never be able to talk to you again it's just because he thinks the doctors better than him it is what it is Devon is what he wants to be the doctor is who he wants to be you or who you want to be whether there's a grandma involved or any other reasoning it is your life your happiness if Devin cannot see did you still want to be his friend and that you were happy being his friend that's his choice. And if the grandma the grandson I got this beautiful girl I want you to meet Heart of Gold. And he's thinking of Grandma come on but it's his grandmother and you probably saw a picture so he's going to go for it I would too. The Devon has to understand friendship is friendship the only way to break it is to do something or make that choice to break it and not be a part of it Devin has to be able to look into your eyes and see when you call him friend that you really mean it there is a bond there it can't be broken they can be changed a little bit through another relationship but that bond of friendship will always be there and he needs to be confident within himself about that

Livewire3 · Accepted Answer

You made a commitment knowing how you feel about Devon. When you consider your future looking back on this moment, how will you feel about these 2 possibilities? Will you regret not going and meeting other people, and possibly resent Devon for it? Or will you regret giving up Devon because of meeting other people? I suspect you already know the answer to this.

Elliegirl · Accepted Answer

I would go out with the doctor. If Devon is willing to stop speaking to you because you go out with someone else, it sounds like he is the type of guy who has control issues and may even not want you to see or make new friends in the future.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Devon is messy, are you messy? I seriously doubt that someone with whom you are 'on a break' with after 2 months is going to be your future husband. That messy thing? It doesn't matter much when you are dating, but when you get married and have kids it makes a huge difference. The fights will be epic. You will hear sounds coming out of your mouth you never thought capable of making. If he has so many other redeeming qualities then why the break?
I know women often think with their emotions and their 'heart', but just occasionally you need to think with your head. And you need the input of your father. Despite what you may think now, your dad is a lot smarter than you think he is and he knows based on you, what will provide long term happiness and what won't. So get his input.
Go our with the Dr. If he's not it, he's not it. But try it. When you find your one, you will know it. I don't think you have because your not certain.
Whatever you do, don't become another statistic. I have particular faith in you that you have the character to be a wife for life. Most women on here don't. So go make your dreams happen. Just occasionally let your brain overrule your heart and you should be fine.

RasberrySlushPuppy · Answer

girls always want better than theyve already got and there's a saying:
The grass isn't always greener.
Be prepared to lose both if things dont work out.
Whenever you describe this new guy you do it by emphasising his career status and not by his name, like you're not interested in him but that the person is a doctor. That's very strange because you emphasise the guy you're currently with by his name meaning you care a lot about him like he's a human being with feelings..

Being richer and more glamorous does not tell you anything, the person could dump even dump you the next day. Doctors are not always the best catch, I've lived with them several inc. consultants. I even dated one and decided against. However a few of the males were friendship worthy. They all however had similar mannerisms and ones which i felt made them square.

you're at a make or break point, i think if you were entirely happy you'd not have had any interest in someone new. Just go with it, if it doesn't work out you'll still find someone.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I don’t really know the backstory and what the situation is, but no one is ever going to be perfect. If Devon is trying than that’s all you can ask for. Ask yourself this; if tomorrow Devon met another beautiful woman and they got engaged would you feel relief and genuinely happiness for him or would you feel like you missed your chance?

If I had a chance to be with someone I connected with when I was younger I would have jumped at the chance. It doesn’t get any easier as you get older. Dating a doctor may be fun, but that’s all it will likely ever be.

Interstate · Answer

Devon may be changing, but it is imperative he CONTINUES consistently to exhibit these changes. It is easy to make a change, follow through for a while then slip backwards. You should give him at least a couple of months to work on these habits and get himself on a consistent pattern before the two of you even CONSIDER reconciling. You should tell him this, as well as in the meantime you will see the Doctor and others until you feel confident enough that he has proven himself officially converted. But I'm sure once he hears "Date with the Doctor" over and over, he will straighten himself out. He wants you back enough that he will be willing to prove to you at any extent that he is a new man!

RealMarek · Answer

It might be a difficult decision if Devon is changing some of the habits that you found unacceptable. One thing that should not be a factor in your decision is the doctor’s grandmother. This is your life and you’re not obligated to go out with anyone. If you do choose to go out with the doctor (or anyone else), for Devon’s sake just break up with him in no uncertain terms first.

Andres77 · Answer

You're not committed to Devon.
He's acting like a spoiled brat.
You can see who you want without having any obligation to explain what or why you do what you do.

Sorry, Devon. You don't own me.

He's not in a committed relationship and he's putting obligations on you.
WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!!!
RED FLAG... RED FLAG!!!

You're smart enough.
You'll make the right decision.
Good luck.

bowenw · Answer

You have to follow your heart and not what someone else thinks is best for you. Until you find someone that makes you happy beyond belief that you love with every fiber of your being and vice versa, you should continue to search for them.

jimmy2 · Answer

Sweetheart i tell you from my experience. If you are confused the way you are. That not of God. God brings peace and joy. If Devon is peaceful and you smile and your heart feels good. Then it Devon. Then been girls in my life where i ask myself what kind of life i could of had but painful choice i made

DaveToo · Answer

Do the date with the doc and if all you think about is Devon while you're banging the doctor, you need to change your way of thinking. The doctor could get a good lay, he might even marry you but he'll dump you after the first or second kid.

Tunasub · Answer

At 23 there is a good chance you won't wind up with either. Somebody has to say it..  Do what you feel is right. The person that needs to be happy is you first and foremost. do what makes you happy.

foxrider77 · Answer

Can’t you see them both. Have the Devon over after work to make your meals than on the weekend go out with the doctor. You should see if the doctor has some other skills while your at it. Once the doctor gets bored go back out with Devon.

exitseven · Answer

Forget about the messy guy. Go out with the doctor, start school in the fall, meet new people. Have some fun and build a career for yourself.

rcljr · Answer

So, you want to have your cake and eat it too, while Devin is left in the cold to ostensibly wait on you and correct all his faults while you have fun? I hope he dumps your sorry ass and never looks back.

sarahlumpkin · Answer

Adult age gap is a secondary issue. His doctor status seems important to you.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Devon won't be your husband if you are going out with other guys, why would he? Going out with other guys tells Devon you don't care about him

PeterCharie1991 · Answer

Let the doctor down, explain to the grandma that your kinda seeing someone

princeofromance · Answer

He is very possessive of you. That never leads to anything good. You need to do what is best for you sweetheart. If Devon cannot respect your decision, You need to cut ties with him all together.

888theGreat · Answer

It is over. You better go after the doc full steam ahead.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

If I was devon I'd severe all ties with you permanently

Anonymous · Answer

who's Devon is it your fiance? and why do you go with this doctor in date if you care about Devons feelings that mean you still love him and want to make him jealous

Final decision…. how should I handle this?

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