Is it worse when we love a man more than he does or vice-versa?

[Rainbowxoxo]

Do you think it's worse and more hurtful when we love a man more than he does and commit sooner or if he loves the woman more than she ever did. There are two scenarios:

It's a long-term relationship (3+ years) and she's already thinking about bearing his kids and he's still on the "romance and sex. . let's go to the movies and have fun, dating" stage and doesn't feel strongly about her, not enough to form a family with her. She loves more him and gave too much dedication.

They've been together for 2-3 years and he really loves and trusts her. He's the one bringing up conversation about kids more than she does. Or somehow there is a miscommunication, he really thinks she's the one, willing to give up his freedom, even proposes but she declined it. He's hurt and upset after realizing he loved her more than she did.

Which is worse, more hurtful?

[DishLady]

I guess the girls will say girls love more deeply and guys will claim guys will… Sigh.


Ok, so if it’s a topic you want to take a deep dive into, read Jane Austen’s Persuasion or Pride & Prejudice — classic repressed male meets a variety of women in which early traces of feminism were being entertained. Check it out and see what you come up with.


Next, my own take on it is that it’s harder for women to fall for the guy bc we fall more deeply and put things on “instant playback” mode constantly to assess the progress of the relationship. If the girl is giving 50-100% of her time and attention to the guy (not just the time they’re together but also “fretting time” and prep time for when they’ll be together … and whatever daydreaming time she’s also allowing herself about a future with the guy) and the guy is giving 0-40% of his time and attention to her, then there’s a problem.


To be fair to the guys, while a girl may fall first, a gentlemanly guy who knows to initiate things, be protective and thoughtful towards their girl and starts feeling that natural possessiveness that comes from loving and taking care of a person … that’s a lot to “deprogram” from their system if they break up with a girl. Knowing this (esp after their first love), they tend to toughen up and not want to give as much of themselves up front or too quickly… which contributes to the social awkwardness of today’s “let her initiate” dating philosophy, which displaces the male/female dating dynamics.


SOME RARE, enlightened people recognize that BOTH guys and gals struggle with this stuff… acknowledging the risks involved, appreciating each others’ efforts and taking steps closer to each other in an attempt to find a real and lasting love.

[kylee2437]

I think both can easily bring up massive complications in each scenario. The first scenario, the man can arguably say that 3 years isn’t long enough meanwhile the woman might be rushing for something more serious because she’s on a timeline, and similar to the second scenario it’s someone on a timeline, vs a person that is more in for the moment and doesn’t really care where things end up. I’ve had relationships end because I wasn’t ready to progress things personally, and I do think it happened for the better.

[RavVid]

I respect YT Pyschacks and I'll post a link to a vid on this very topic at bottom.

The concept is that two people can't like each other exactly the same amount. Consequently one of the pair will feel luckier to have the other as a long term partner than the other does and consequently be the Adorer which puts the other in the relationship as the Adored.

Since women are hypergamous creatures seeking to mate up and possibly do get in relationships for emotional content mostly, he is arguing women get more from being the Adorer. Back in 2 Millon BC, it could have gone that the men dropped off a speared kanagaroo at the women's camp and said "Eat up Ladies. We'll be back in an hour to gangbang you. Oh and make sure our berry desert is ready".

Like chimps, men could have embraced the sporting 'may the best sperm win' game strategy. Good for for social cohesion since every guy gets a go with every woman but this is a diversion.

Respect is very important to men so we do get more out of being the Adored. It is quite a kick when women look up at you with big wide respectful eyes. When that has happened I have felt substantial attraction to the girl and drawn to her.

So overall on balance I think it is better women are the Adorers. Check the vid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuwE6H_Su24

[Summeroflove]

You know what’s worse then leaving. To answer your question though it depends on the situation. But it’s usally hurtful to both.

But what is worse? Staying…. Staying with someone who you’re not happy with. Staying with someone whose hurt you. Staying with someone whose cheated on you. Staying with someone whose one sided.

But it’s also worse to stay with someone whose genuinely a good person but isn’t right for you. Now you’re wasting not only your time but his/her time as well. When both of you could be finding someone to make you happy.

Staying in a relationship that isn’t healthy hurts a lot worse then leaving. Knowing when it’s time to go…. Knowing when the good days are getting fewer and farther in between.

Look, no relationship is perfect and there is NO perfect person and if there was nobody on this Earth would deserve to have them. Any relationship you will have to work through things.

But you HAVE to know when to walk away ladies and gentlemen. You HAVE to know when to walk away. Don’t make yourself or worse yet someone else miserable.

[AI Opinion]

Jumping into the deep end of love can sometimes feel like swimming with sharks, eh? When it comes to the heartache Olympics, it’s hard to say which scenario takes the gold for being worse. Whether you're pouring more into the love cup, or your partner is serving the love buffet, the sting of unbalanced affection hits hard.

Picture this: in the first scenario, she's sketching their future kids in the clouds while he's still flipping through the Netflix menu for their next movie night. It's like trying to dance a tango solo—exhausting and kind of tragic. Her heart is running a marathon while his is just warming up with stretches. Ouch!

Flip the script, and now he's the one with dreams bigger than their love seems to handle. Proposing, talking about swapping freedom for diapers, and all the while, she's not even sure she wants to be his Netflix account buddy for life. His heartbreak is like a missed high five—eager, but painfully unreciprocated.

So, which is worse? It’s like asking if it’s better to have a sunburn or a paper cut—they both hurt in their own agonizing ways. But the real kicker? It's not the depth of love that makes these scenarios painful; it’s the lack of communication and mismatched expectations. Talk it out, lovebirds. Find your rhythm. Because whether you're head over heels or just dipping a toe, nobody wins in a one-sided love story. Let's aim for that synchronized swimming gold, where both of you are diving deep, together. 💔➡️💘

[Finchie40]

Either way is bad , partners’ should value end love and appreciate each other as equal as possible , if it’s not equal , it’s a waste of time

[blueonblack22]

In my very bias opinion the actually best when a woman slightly and I heavily emphasize slightly loves the man more.

Reason being:

• It will keep her honest when she sh*t tests him. I believe all women do this to men and many don’t even realize it. But the more she’s in love with him the less she does it and the more fair/reasonable her “tests” are.
• In western society women have more options than men when all else is equal (age, looks, status, money, etc.). This will keep her loyal.
• (WARNING: this part is the most controversial opinion). I truly believe women are naturally more selfish than men for self-preservation purposes. It stems from evolution given there was a time in history where they had fewer freedoms and rights than men. They had to use their sexuality and manipulation to get what they needed. Most women have not evolved out this. So if she’s slightly more in love with him she is GETTING what she needs. This will make her think twice about being selfish and screwing him over.

It is also absolutely imperative that the man reciprocates these feelings. A mismatch will end in a disaster either way.

But again it’s best when her feelings for him are slightly stronger.

[SamIam96]

Neither one is worse than the other. It's always a problem when two people have differences in expectations. It's guaranteed to cause stress in a relationship.

Imagine:

• You're crazy in love, he's luke warm.
• He wants kids, you don't.
• You love cheesesteaks, he's a vegan.

Any difference is stressful. Of course some are less so than others. You understand.

The observation holds true for all relationships between two people. Picture going to the grocery store. The guy bagging your veggies wants to ask you out. You just want to take the bag and leave. Stress!

[Nirmroth]

From the scenarios you told me its not really about love but different states of life the partners are in.

I love my partner but having kids would be to early for me rn, thats not something I bound to how much you love your partner.

But back to the main question which I think you meant:

can't really say which side is better. I am actually thinking that both scenarios were one partner loves the other more is crap bec it always leads to an unbalance in power within the relationship. The best is always when both love each other equally.

[MicahRaine]

Neither is "worse."

What's wrong with one person falling in love a little harder than the other? As long as both parties are committed, there's nothing wrong with it.

Different people move at different speeds through different stages. That's perfectly natural, good, and right.

Also, I speak from personal experience. Raine knew that she wanted to be with me before I knew I wanted to be with her. But on the flip side, once we were together I knew I wanted to marry her before she did.

[animalwithin]

It's worse when a man loves a woman more than she does but I will say that it's not so much a matter of loving more/less as it is a matter of loving differently. I think when men start to love women the same way women love men, that is when things start to fall apart.

[Alli112]

I think it lowkey depends on the person/situation. Sometimes it can be easier to love without reciprocation, compared to the fear of failing to reciprocate or not knowing what the other person might do or expect as a result of their feelings. Usually, though, I think it's harder to be the one loving more, especially if the other person doesn't understand or care about your feelings as much in general.

[strateguy632]

more hope is "when we=lady love a man more than he does" because the relationship can work.

in both stories, both must agree before kids so not a factor. remove it, so the first story is wonderful but second is worse.

[paledreams]

Women who love their man more are usually the type to be taken advantage of or cheated on I speak as a man lol 👞♂️

[RyanK9b]

Thats even better. She endorse him more. Also this will always be the case. In a relationship loves someone always more than the other. Everything else is just pure dreaming

[Lady_Heart]

Men don't love deeply as women can. Even tho they both can be hurt but women gets hurts more if they love a man more than they do

[avery58]

Either case is bad. Love should be equal or close to it.

[Billlewis]

Oh, without question. A woman needs to *be* loved, whereas a man needs *to* love.

[Pterodon]

I think it’s bad either way. I’ve been the one not loved the same and it’s heartbreaking

[Minky17]

Extremely worse. Don't do it

[Jay-_-]

I think if you don't love each other enough it will soon cause an imbalance.

[Anonymous]

Neither. Love ebbs and flows. It's never a static. If it is then you chose poorly. Own your mistake.

[WhitneySnow]

Both are equally hurtful

[OhLongJohnsoning]

nope