Why did he say we're not together after 4 months?

[Anonymous]

What does it mean if a guy says I'm not his girlfriend & we're not officially together yet after texting, calling, regularly dating, introducing me to his friends, buying me stuff & having sex for 4 months? We're 20. In an argument I referred to myself as his girlfriend, he corrected me. Sex happened 2 times (I was a virgin & he knew it). He was like 'even if u were my wife there'll be trips where I go only with friends'. Mixed signals much? What? He called me wifey in the beginning. Said he'd be open to a 3some... Apologized & never brought it up again after I got mad. He said 'we'll be in a relationship' & that he deleted the dating app. I took it as us being exclusive. He said he'd been w many girls but with me it was his 1st time having sex.. He was like 'I never felt so good with anyone'.

We had disagreements. He often travelled without me. I suspected he was gay but he said he was straight. I didn't want him to go on a 2 week annual trip w his friends to the seaside. He said there'd be a club & drinking involved. I found it hard to trust him after that 3way bs. He called me controlling. His reasons for not calling me his girlfriend were that I didn't trust him, we didn't have the official talk & that we weren't close enough to be official, weren't texting & calling enough, were seeing each other once a week or less (untrue.. it was 2-3 times a week). We were actually texting often. I was the one arriving to him.. He said a girlfriend wouldn't make pretences & would ask if he was ok instead. He said it was too soon for love & that he needed time after I said if he loved me he'd take me on that holiday. I ignored him for 2 weeks & unfriended as I was hurt. Then I gave an ultimatum. He said 'after all of this I don't see the prospect of a serious relationship'.

Did he want sth casual or serious but changed his mind? Did I turn him off bc I was upset he was travelling without me often? Is that a reason not to call me his girlfriend? Now he's seeing someone else.

[BetaBucks]

It doesn't sound like he's serious about you. Or maybe he's not ready to be serious for anyone. He's 20, so his maturity is basically where you were at in 8th grade. He's going to want to "play" for another decade before he can be serious. There are some exceptions, but this dude doesn't sound like one. You need to figure out how you want to handle this, because you won't be able to pressure him into commitment. At least not for long. You might have to cut your losses, even though it sucks with him being your first.

[onedarkcloud]

Put on your hip boots the BULLSHIT is getting deep. I would not believe a word he says unless he was saying he wanted into your panties and that's all. All the rest is B/S

[Anonymous]

The unfortunate thing about all of this is that unless I missed it, no where did you say he confirmed you were in a relationship. Yes, you gave him a lot of girlfriend privileges and got that in return, but it was never a relationship. This is a very hurtful truth, but something to come to terms with and decide if you want to continue giving him girlfriend perks now that you know there’s no title in place. Never was.

[BetaBucks]

What are you considering to be the girlfriend perks/privileges? Sex, or was there something more I wasn't picking up on in her rant?

[Opinion Owner]

Pretty much everything you’d do within a relationship without the title on it. I’d call it a situationship for sure!

[BetaBucks]

I think I need to come to terms with the fact that all my pre-marriage relationships were toxic, because I legitimately can't even comprehend what you mean. Honestly, I can only think of sex, because everything else was the same thing that I had outside of relationships too. Now I'm gonna be dwelling on this all day lol...

[BetaBucks]

Oh and this is 100% a situationship. Absolute best way to frame this one.

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you dude, when I think back on all those situations they were actually more toxic than I thought. We did all the things couples do, meeting family members or friends, going on dates, buying each other things, yet when asked what we were, there was never a label on it. Looking back though, I think where I went wrong was not specifying my intentions and instead “going with the flow”. I always used to think that sometimes relationships statuses don’t need to be verbally stated in order to be valid, but apparently they do! Really too bad.

[BetaBucks]

Yeah this rings pretty damn true over here. Well, let's hope we're both in better places now.

[DishLady]

He's just not into you, and yet you jumped into giving him a lot of benefits before he committed to you with anything.

[Anonymous]

He is a player

[yes_goddess]

not sure