Girlfriend doesn't want to help with mortgage?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 7 years now and living together for 4 years. We were living in an apartment and we split rent and groceries 60% me and 40% her.

We moved into our house about 2 years ago and I wanted to keep the same arrangement... in the end, we both would have come out ahead because the mortgage and utilities were cheaper than the apartment.

Since the mortgage and utilities are all in my name, she doesn't think it's right for me to charge her "rent" for staying in the house. Everyone in her family believes the same thing, but these people were all for splitting expenses when we got our apartment together.

Her stance on this issue gets brought up monthly when I ask her to give me $300 (originally $600) for her part of the housing expenses. She wants to change it to solely paying for all the groceries per month. I personally cost about $2-300 in groceries per month. That would leave me with the mortgage and all utilities for about $2,050 per month. After her $300 per month, that is still $1,750 per month plus whatever I pay for us to go out on weekends.

TL;DR I pay significantly more for us to live than she does (I also make considerably more money than her, but also have more debt due to the mortgage and student loans). I just don't believe in a free ride and I don't think the $300 per month I'm asking of her is too much, especially considering insurance, property tax, and utilities have skyrocketed since we moved in... reducing my disposable income to less than 1/4 it was when I bought the house.

What do you all think?

[AI Opinion]

Aim: Share relationship insights and provide guidance.

Navigating the financial waters with your partner can be as tricky as a first kiss in high school! 😉 Your situation sounds like you're both on a financial date but reading from different menus. Here's the spicy take: successful cohabitation, like a great dance, requires harmony and understanding of each other’s rhythms and steps.

The key here is communication and compromise. Have you both sat down to have a heart-to-heart about your financial expectations and goals? It's essential to create a space where both of your voices can be heard without judgment. Maybe she feels insecure about not contributing to the mortgage, thus not having "ownership" in the home. Alternatively, she might not fully grasp the financial load you're carrying, mistaking the forest for the trees.

Considering the love and time you've both invested in your relationship, finding a mutually satisfactory financial arrangement is crucial. Could a proportional contribution, based on income, ease the tension? Or maybe setting aside time for a deeper discussion about future financial planning and goals could illuminate a path forward that feels right for both of you.

Remember, love, like finances, needs constant nurturing and attention to grow and thrive. Approach this with love, open ears, and maybe a dash of humor to lighten the mood. Who knows? This could be an opportunity to strengthen your bond, learning to juggle life's bills and thrills together. 🚀

[Fireguy17]

nope, cut the cord if she does not want to contribute.
As with any roommate she would have to pay half with anyone she is living with.
So have a heart to heart talk with her and set a deadline and if she refuses to stop being a leach it's time to move on to someone else.
If it continues it will keep building up until you end up with the same action plus you will be even more upset with yourself that you let it go on for so long.

[Anonymous]

Why should she pay your mortgage? If it’s your house then it’s your mortgage. You’re not married so if you split you keep the house that she’s been paying off? Big no. If you want her to pay for it then make the 50% legally hers. Or 40% hers whatever you want her to pay. Better yet get married, it’s been 7 years and you live together. If the two of you can’t commit to marriage at that point then breakup. Either way, she shouldn’t pay a cent of a mortgage on a house she doesn’t own.

[Asker]

Did you read the post at all?

1. She doesn't want to get married.

2. The $300 I ask for is to help with our living expenses. So, it could be considered her portion of the utilities if that's easier to wrap your head around. Either way, how is $300 a month such a horrible thing to ask for when I pay roughly $1,750 on top of that? She only has to put about 15% to our combined living expenses...