Boyfriend doesn't want me to delete ANYTHING from my phone?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend gets mad if I delete stuff off of my own phone. Like if I clear my browser history or deleted unneeded texts, he gets mad and says that it's suspicious and I'm hiding things from him. I've ALWAYS done this. I clear my browsing history regularly and I don't hoard unnecessary texts. Why would I want to keep a bunch of delivery notifications or verification codes? Why would I want years' worth of random, small-talk texts? All that does is tie up storage on your phone and make your phone run slower.

Why would he be offended by this? He thinks I only delete things so he can't potentially see what I've done online or who I've talked to. This is not true. I delete things because I always have and don't see a point in keeping old stuff that serves no purpose. Why does he think I'm hiding stuff?

[Anonymous]

If you’re not doing anything wrong then he does not trust you. A lot of times people project who they are on others. So if he’s doing sketchy shit he assumes you are…. And be very careful these people have a mindset of they need to get you before you can get them. They think if you’re too dumb to figure it out that you deserve it.

If you’re doing something wrong this message be another story. But I wouldn’t trust him. You don’t have to change your life and the way you do things for him. He isn’t your husband.

Maybe neither of you are bad. Maybe he is looking for something else and so are you. We are all different. That’s why we date. And if you don’t want to be married to someone like this. Maybe it’s time to break the relationship of now. Don’t try to change him and don't let him try to change you.

But again…. Sometimes the most suspicious people are projecting t

[Asker]

It makes sense that HE may be doing unsavory things on HIS phone and just assuming I am too and trying to "catch me first". I honestly don't do anything weird or wrong. I use my phone for basic stuff. I'm on Amazon a ton, I Google different thing for curiosity, I read different articles, I play some games, I text family/friends. I do nothing wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

There is no way of telling what it is. Does he allow you to see his phone? Because it’s SUPER weird if he demands yours but….
Refuses to show his

[Opinion Owner]

It could also be you’re looking for different things. Maybe you aren't compatible for reasons such as you need privacy and he wants to share everything

But trust is important once trust us gone

[Asker]

It is really odd. He takes his phone to the bathroom constantly. I don't do that. I leave mine be. I don't like taking mine in the bathroom, especially if I'm showing because I don't want moisture getting into the ports.

It also makes me wonder because he's let me borrow his before and I've seen some... "things" on it that shouldn't have been there. I have no such "things" on my phone. He denied everything when it was brought up and claimed it was old from before we together and stuff. Ok, well then why keep it? I've just not ever borrowed his phone after that. Anytime I would, he'd accuse me of either deleting things or snooping.

It feels like he's probably doing a lot more than he lets on, so he's projecting all that guilt onto me by blaming me for things I'm not doing.

He uses all kinds of social media. I don't. He'll use SnapChat (even though he has normal texting) which is a known app that deletes everything pretty much. I don't feel the need for such an app. I just use regular texting. I never snoop on those. I don't even have any of his login details for any of his social media. How am I to know what REALLY goes on with that? Do I make accusations and assumptions though? No. I feel I can trust him NOT to do shady things. Of course, once I discovered those "things" on his phone at one point, I did kind of wonder what else was around I didn't know about. But I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and not blow something out of proportion.

[Opinion Owner]

He’s literally snooping through your phone when he takes it. But he doesn’t like it if you do it to him?

I don’t know what things you’re talking about. But it seems like you need to end this relationship. He doesn’t have a right to control you unless you give him that right.

Things can only get worse. I think you should confront him on being a hypocrite, controlling, and you feel like if he isn’t cheating yet he produced will

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn’t trust him either. You’re not stupid. But he may think you’re stupid. Narcissists think that if you’re too stupid to figure it out that you deserve it. That’s how they think

[Asker]

Of course I'm not stupid! But yes, I see how he probably thinks I am. Projecting all this anger and suspicion onto me when I'm completely innocent just makes him look even more guilty.

I know he uses SnapChat regularly as well. I've never used that, but I hear it is basically a cheater's app. It automatically deletes conversations and images shared/sent. I fail to see how an app like that would be necessary. He has unlimited texting like most people these days. Why not just text people? SnapChat doesn't require you to have the other person's number or them to have yours. It just feels super shady. Especially when he is always taking his phone into the bathroom as if it cannot be out of his sight for a second.

I just use normal texting and I don't talk to other men (except for family members and mutual friends of ours that he knows well). I've never really been a fan of him using SnapChat, but I also didn't want to tell him he "couldn't" use it anymore either. That felt way too controlling and I'm just not a bossy or controlling person. It did make me wonder just who he was truly talking to on there and why he needed an app that AUTOMATICALLY deletes things when he constantly harps on me about deleting anything from my phone. He claims he keeps everything and deletes nothing, yet he has an app that deletes all its content regularly. That doesn't make much sense.

[Asker]

I only know he uses SnapChat so much because I've grown familiar to what that notification sounds like. He seems to be on there more than normal texting. He claims he just talks to people "he doesn't have their number to text", but I fail to see why he wouldn't have their number. If it is just a friend or family member like he claims, why do you not just have their phone number? It seems really odd. He clearly wants to hide something - who he's talking to, what's being said/shared, etc. Why else would he exclusively use an app that deletes everything?

[Lliam]

Change your password and don't give him access to your phone. Let him stick that in his pipe and smoke it. And tell him that you'll do what you want. He doesn't own you.

You are with him because you want to, not because you have to.

The guy sounds like a dangerous, jealous, creepy, control freak. I would seriously consider dumping his sorry ass.

[Asker]

It's incredibly odd he acts like this. It really does feel like others have said - HE is doing stuff on HIS phone that he doesn't want me to know about. HE is likely hiding things and therefore, he is projecting that behavior onto me and attacking me like I'm the guilty one.

I do have a passcode on my phone that he doesn't know and he hates it. He said that is another reason he thinks I'm being suspicious. I don't need a passcode. My phone shouldn't be hidden by a passcode. He still looks at what I do when I'm on my phone (he'll peep over my shoulder and stuff), so anytime he sees me still deleting unneeded texts or clearing my browsing history, he gets mad and asks what I'm hiding and why I delete stuff.

[Lliam]

That paranoid behavior is very strange. I don't get it. It's like he is suddenly fixated on your phone for some reason.
I wonder if he saw some podcast on the manosphere about how women communicate with their side guys and then delete the messages to hide their activity from their boyfriends.

Why would he be feel the need to monitor you if you have given him zero reason to be paranoid, which I don't think you have?
Why is he even with you if he thinks you are cheating?
And does he think the only way to keep you is to monitor you and keep you on a leash? Again, that's not a loving relationship.
What would he do if you treated him the same way by going through his phone and treating him like he was guilty of something?

You're right. He could be dishonest and is projecting his own behavior onto you.
I don't know.

But if I were you, I wouldn't be able to handle it. It's really, really creepy and suspicious. If he isn't dishonest, he's mentally ill.

[Asker]

I am really confused by it. I mean my parents have been married over 40 years and they've never done that to each other. They have their own phones (my dad has a code, my mom doesn't). Neither ever freaks if the other deletes stuff. My dad is forgetful and also not as tech-savy, so he keeps stuff because he just doesn't know HOW to delete it. My mom deletes everything - call log, old texts, browser history. The reason? Same as mine. She doesn't want her phone getting bogged down and she'd rather save her storage for important stuff like photos. They don't cheat. They've never accused one another of such a thing. They respect one another's boundaries.

It's just a really weird situation. He always says it's because he feels like that's a way for me to hide stuff. Like how does HE know what I'm really doing if I delete all the "evidence"? Well, that's just BS! I have never given him any reason to suspect I may be cheating or tempted to. I'd never do that. I've been on the receiving end of that before and it SUCKS. I'd never do that to someone else.

I know he's experienced relationship issues before. I have too. But why punish your CURRENT significant other? THEY are not your ex (es). He says that to me all the time, but yet he is treating me like I need constant monitoring. It's very odd. I don't hide my phone when using it (turn it away or something). I don't take it to the bathroom with me. HE always takes his to the bathroom.

[Aubrey97]

Extremely insecure and paranoid person. It's likely this is going to go on forever with him in various forms. Either shut it down or you may want to find someone else who isn't constantly mistrusting of you when you're not doing anything wrong.

[Asker]

I hate the constant accusations. It really does feel like he doesn't believe anything I say and doesn't trust me which is insane. He has NO reason to be like that with me. I'd never cheat. Never have, never will. I've never done anything to deem myself as suspicious or untrustworthy... accept deleting my history and unneeded texts (according to him, that's enough to make me untrustworthy).

[Anonymous]

And you enable this becaaause? Nvm, you probably won’t respond anyway.

[Asker]

I still delete what I want and always have. He just gets mad and says I'm being suspicious and hiding stuff. I'm sort of tired of hearing the accusations at this point. I'm literally not doing anything other than cleaning up my phone. I don't even like clutter around the house (dishes in the sink is a no-go, same with tossing clothes on the floor - I want stuff to be clean). I don't get why he gets offended and angry by a simple thing like me maintaining my cell phone.

[BarryLiverstone]

She called your bluff and answered :)

[Opinion Owner]

Usually people who want to keep tabs on your phone are doing their own dirt. It’s more than an insecurity or curiosity when it’s so regular like this. I wouldn’t say it’s normal and that why I ask why you enable it. You should put your foot down about him doing this anyway, it’s none of his business and you’re not a cheater. So stop allowing him to treat you like one.

[Opinion Owner]

I’d also say it’s more than insecurity or curiosity about your phone when he’s mad that you won’t show it, throwing accusations at you when you don’t allow it and mad when you modify your phone. You clearly trust him a lot but you deserve that respect in return. The fact he’s trying to be so controlling and dictating should never sit right with you. If one of your good friends or family you care deeply about told you this story, you’d probably tell them to get out of that relationship. So why not take the advice for yourself.

[Asker]

You make very valid points. I don't get the point of being so obsessed with my phone habits at all. I told him I delete messages and browsing history to avoid lagging my phone down. He won't believe it and says "he" keeps all his so I should too. His phone is also notoriously slow and I suspect it has a virus or something with how it acts (seriously does stuff on its own). I don't get why he wishes to control what I do on my phone that I paid for. He isn't even on my phone plan. We are on our own plans because we aren't to the point of merging that stuff yet. It does feel like maybe HE is the one doing shady stuff and just projecting that onto me.

[AI Opinion]

It sounds like your beau is doing a high-dive into the deep end of the jealousy pool, doesn't it? 🏊‍♂️ Feeling the need to inspect and control what you keep on your phone is like waving a giant red flag in a love parade. 🚩 It's not about the action of deleting trivial stuff from your phone. It's about trust, or in this case, a lack of it.

Clearing your phone of clutter is just digital housekeeping – nothing more sinister than that. It's perfectly normal. Explain to him that your love for a tidy phone is as strong as your distaste for hoarding unnecessary digital baggage. If he's still feeling insecure, it might be time for a heart-to-heart about trust, boundaries, and privacy. Remember, love thrives on trust, not on a comprehensive audit trail of your daily digital life. 💖

[DishLady]

It's your phone. You do what you like with it.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Hmmmm. That has got me deeply suspicious. Here's why!

Let's say you have your phone passworded and secret from him. There is forensic software you can download that will allow you to connect a phone to the computer, and bypass any passwords whilst still searching the entire content of said phone.

You see why I am suspicious? Would he be capable of doing something like that?

[Asker]

I would certainly hope he wouldn't do that, but hey - he wouldn't find anything suspicious lol I would actually be interested in this software. I have an old phone I'm DYING to get into, but it had a code on it and I have absolutely no idea what I could have used for it at that time. I'd LOVE to get some old pictures off of it! What kind of software can you use to actually bypass a pin code without losing the phone's data? I would be so happy to get my old photos back!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Do a search for 'mobiledit forensic'

[TommyMountainFigure]

I cannot give you a link for that because it is against the rules.. I think that is ok though.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you! If this works, I'll never be able to thank you enough! Those pics being available would mean so much to me!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Is it a Nokia?

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Yeah, technically, when you delete stuff, it's called "deleting evidence". So, the more you keep on your phone, the better, in case you're ever investigated for something. What you can do though is, n order to create space, is back it all up on the cloud or something, so that in case the feds come or something, if you ever need to prove something, you'll have it

[Asker]

I wouldn't know why the feds or police would ever be needed. I'm doing nothing harmful. It's common internet browsing. The texts are harmless and from family/friends I talk to regularly and of course delivery updates and occasional verification codes. Why keep dozens of random texts? I do ensure my pictures are backed up though. That way if anything ever happened to my phone, I'd still have my pictures.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Because like i said, deleting ANYTHING, can cause problems, if you're ever in trouble

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s mad because he also deletes things so you don’t catch him. He’s projecting

[Asker]

Ah. That makes sense. So, he may very well be doing shady stuff on HIS phone, so he is projecting that behavior onto me? Like he may be texting people I'd not enjoy him texting or visiting websites that may not be acceptable in a relationship... so he is just getting angry at me and projecting that onto me?

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s exactly it. What websites would you not allow him to visit?

[Asker]

I would be upset if he was visiting p*rn sites, or if he was going onto a place like OnlyFans. I also wouldn't appreciate if he was using a site like Instagram to look at/follow "models" or something. Other than that, I wouldn't really have any objections for what he did. I just feel the examples I gave would be very inappropriate and disrespectful for someone in a relationship to be doing (especially without their partner's knowledge).

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s what I thought you would say. And if you haven’t had direct conversations about those sites and he hasn’t shared his browser activity it’s nearly 100% he’s doing something on his phone when he’s feeling horny and then deleting it so you will not be mad at him.

Why wouldn’t he just tell you and share so you can feel secure

[Asker]

That's what I would like to know. We can have sex. Why would he need to resort to p*rn and stuff to get his fix? I've never seen his browser history or anything like that. On the rare occasion I've borrowed his phone, it was for something simple like I didn't have mine/mine was dead and I needed to make a call or something. I've never actually went through his phone and I'd have no desire to do so.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because you don’t need to have sex 10 times a week (or more).., guys get horny a lot and may use porn to masturbate. If you haven’t had that conversation with him it’s best to have it. Be kind and open as if he’s doing sexy stuff on his phone you coming at him in a judgy way will shut down his honesty.

[Asker]

Good suggestion, thanks!

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. And I’d suggest you thinking about why you don’t want him seeing porn and insta

[DrPepper12]

he's insecure, petty and controlling for $800 Alex.

I got bad vibes. Its disrespectful and rude. If he does this now how long till he violates your next boundaries?

[kmg9150]

My ex used to say and do the same type of thing…. Later it was revealed she doing shit behind my back….. not saying this is you, but you asked why.

[Asker]

I'm not doing anything behind his back. I don't talk to other guys. All the people I contact are people he knows of or mutual friends of ours. I don't even hide my phone when I'm using it. I don't turn it away, I don't take it to the bathroom. He does take his to the bathroom (every time, without fail as if I can't ever be alone with his phone).

[HighValue]

Why not just have flip phones instead?

Smart phones and social media is mostly for cheaters and scammers anyway.

[Asker]

I'm not a social media fan, he is. He is ALWAYS on some sort of social media. I don't like it. He uses SnapChat a lot and I have no idea who he's really talking to on there. It seems like you should just use regular texting. I've never used it, but I've heard SnapChat is essentially a cheater's paradise because EVERYTHING is deleted automatically within 24 hours. So, Mr. "I delete nothing" has an app that literally deletes everything automatically. That makes sense, right? lol

I even use Anti-Virus on my phone just as I do my home computer. ANYTHING with internet access needs protection. He thinks that's insane. I only use my internet for Amazon, browsing things, etc. I don't use social media.

[Asker]

And even if I had a flip phone, I'd bet he would STILL not want me to delete anything from it.

[HighValue]

I'd suggest avoiding a relationship with people that are too into social media. And especially avoid hypocrites that do exactly what they claim they don't want you doing.
Him being hypocritical and too involved with social media make him a bad prospect for a relationship in my opinion.

[Asker]

That's definitely a fair point. I never understood the appeal of social media. Why do people need to share EVERY detail with the world? I'm more into my PRIVACY. If I desire to share a picture or something with someone, I can easily just text it to them or show them on my phone. I don't want or need to post everything to the internet.

The SnapChat situation especially has always been weird to me. I didn't want to come across as controlling and try to "make" him delete it, but it felt really odd he'd need it. Like most people, he has unlimited texting on his phone plan. There is no need to have ANY texting app then. Why not just text people? Why do you need an app that doesn't require you having the person's number or them having yours? If SnapChat is JUST for talking and picture sharing, why not just use normal texting for the same thing? Why do you need an app that DELETES all chats and photos automatically? Feels really off too me. Especially since he doesn't want me to delete ANYTHING from my phone.

[MisterWack]

Maybe he has insecurities of a previous relationship and puts it onto you OR you cheated in the past for him not to trust you now….

[MrGSpotHer]

I don't like these types of people controlling can end up being abusive if it's not already

[Anonymous]

1. He is insecure.

2. Anyone who refuses to share his/her phone is hiding something, 100%.

[Lliam]

Anyone who looks through their partner's phone is a creep.

[Juxtapose]

Why are you letting an insecure dweeb getting your way? If he doesn't like it and he makes a big deal of it, dump his dumbass.

[SOUTHERNGUYDL]

Shit on that, I have to go to that length why be together

[Bklynbadboy12]

Is there more to this story cause he obviously doesn't trust you

[slatyb]

Stop sharing your phone. This is not normal.

[Asker]

I don't "share it" with him. He will just see I'm deleting something and then get mad and question it. We each have our own phones. I don't pay the least bit of attention to his though.

[slatyb]

And he is still doing it? Are you sure he's the guy for you?

[LiamJHayden]

Control Freak vibes.

[spartan55]

Why are you a guy who doesn't trust you?

[LazerBean]

So dump him. Problem solved.

[Unit1]

Sounds like you have a terrible boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Whom speaks loudest doth guilt they carry

[noohair]

Psycho red flag.