Struggling with Boyfriend's Priorities: Is My Frustration Valid?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a mix of frustration, hurt, and confusion about my boyfriend’s recent behavior, and I’m unsure if my feelings are justified or what steps I should take.

We recently moved to my home country to start our lives here. He had plans to quit his job and start his own business, which I fully supported. However, since moving, he’s become deeply involved in a local sports club, taking on the role of co-president. This position is voluntary, and he’s dedicating a significant amount of time to organizing events and managing logistics for the club.

I’m struggling with how much time he’s spending on this club instead of focusing on his business. He barely works at his current job and often complains about the work environment. What frustrates me even more is that he’s frequently on his phone, even when we’re supposed to be spending time together or on vacation. I feel neglected, especially when he doesn’t respond to my messages or prioritize our plans. Like in 3 weeks we're going away together for our anniversary nothing is planned yet. The sport toruanament thing is in 1 week so I understand he is planning that but even before that he was planning for this sport touranement

When I’m feeling unwell or down, it’s painful to see him prioritize the sports tournaments over being there for me. He did came home early for me but I need to make it super clear that I want to decide. His mood also seems to be heavily influenced by issues within the sports club, which further highlights how invested he is in it.

I’m trying to understand if my feelings are valid and what I can do to address this situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Well first problem is you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, but acting like you’re married. He shouldn’t be on his phone unless it’s something important when spending time with you.

As far as the whole business thing goes it’s wrong to say one thing but do another. But I assume you’re not with him for the money. But you do need to discuss how you feel with him.

You cannot force him to change. But you can communicate how you feel and what you’re wanting. You need to tell him that he said he was going to do something but instead he’s doing another. Explain how it makes you feel and why. Do the same thing for him neglecting time with you.

Could the relationship not be meant to be? Or is this something you are both able to talk about and work through?

The worst thing you can do is allow angry, bitterness, and resentment to build inside of yourself. Until you hate your boyfriend especially later on if you get married. That’s one way to waste time and eventually doom the relationship.

On the other hand. Maybe after talking to one another. Every relationship has their challenges. That either pushes one another apart…. Not meant to be. Or it’s hard but it makes you that much stronger together once you’re through it.

You also need to decide if you’re genuinely still happy with one another. Or if maybe…. You’re changing and both wanting something different.

You’re not married. It could be messy to break it off. But it’s better then being with the wrong person. At the same time if he’s the right person you don’t want to ruin this.

As others have said he does seem to have his priorities out of line. If the relationship feels one sided. You’re putting all the effort in to get little in return. That is not setting you up for a happy future with him by any means.

you have to remember every relationship has a reason. Some only for a season, while others last a lifetime. Maybe you’re in one another’s lives for a reason…. But sometimes. A new season comes. You both have spent your purpose in one another’s life.

Am I saying that’s what’s happening? No. And you should alsonsuppprt your man in his hobbies. But if you’re not fulfilled and it’s not seeming like he’s the right one anymore.

[D_Bone_Steak]

What's with so many of you women? Entertain yourself if he's busy. Sounds like he's making money and putting food in your belly and a roof over your head. What are you really complaining about?

I'm trying to wrap my head around this... you want him to sacrifice how he's making money and something he's got going on, to spend more time with you? I think you just want more attention tbh... and perhaps you're not so interesting beyond being a sex toy.

That's not a diss, I mean maybe you have a vast world of interests, but he has his own. This sports club is a thing for him. Let him enjoy it. ... I mean this all reminds me of a guy that works all day, brings home the food, they've already fucked, and he wants to play some video games... then his chick doesn't want him to play video games because she wants to cuddle. She wants to talk. She can't entertain herself. Meanwhile, he has a choice... sacrifice his enjoyment of a game for her and be bored as fuck for her... or...(fill in the blank with the same monotonous bullshit like cuddling, shopping, eating, talking, et cetera.

Bottom line... can't you just find something to do? Get a hobby. Read a book. Job? <--whole point of not having a job is to do what you wanna do with your time, but if you're bored... get a fucking job!

Just don't be yet another chick that starts cheating because attention is so needed. Any of the advice I gave above is better than one of those attention whore slag roasties.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Your feelings are absolutely valid. He’s out of focus and his priorities out out of line. He’s not focusing on his job, he’s not focusing on his business, he’s not focusing on you, and all his attention is going towards what could constitute as a hobby. It’s possible there’s something going on that he doesn’t want to or is afraid to tell you.

[DishLady]

Why do you need strangers to validate your feelings? Only you know whether your feelings are valid.

[TonyMetal___86]

@DishLady miss dish, don't you think that he should give her more time? I mean personally if i was married, nothing comes 1st before my wife's happiness, it's because she will be doing everything to keep me happy, comfortable and taken care of, the least thing that she deserves is giving her more time and that i look at her to see if she's happy and if i saw her unhappy, i'd throw everything from my hand, go there to hug her tight and kiss and won't get back to anything before she smiles and for sure we will sit and talk about everything to find a way were we both can be satisfied, we aren't allowed to go to bed at night before we fix things up, that's one of my rules 😌

Sometimes we forget that there is person living with us and giving us all what they have and we will be so much busy with ourselves as if we are living a single life, you have to LEARN that time have mercy on no one, take advantage from the time that you're spending with your loved ones because tomorrow you might be wishing for it!

[TonyMetal___86]

I watched some family movies and some of them had a situation where the father was so busy and his daughter kept telling him to take her camping because she loves to spend her time with her father, her father always ignored her and told her next time and that he was busy and this girl was always sad, kept drawing that she and her father are fishing while camping and holding hands happy together, one day the girl was very sad and she went walking on the sidewalk holding her bag where her drawings are found, an accident happens and the girl got hit by a car, the father was on his way to his house and suddenly he saw the police and so much people around the accident, he went out to check what's going on since the accident is near his house, suddenly he saw a drawing of himself and his daughter on the streets that his daughter showed him earlier, he was shocked and ran to see the paramedics lifting his girl on a chariot, he went crazy and mad, screaming and crying, holding his daughter's hand untik they reach the hospital and they did an emergency surgery to his daughter and the father spend hours near the surgery room door praying to give him one more chance to fix everything with his daughter, he was like if something happens to her, he just wanna die!

[TonyMetal___86]

Luckily god had heard his prayers and the doctor went out and told him that his girl os saved and she will be just fine, after couple of days the girl woke up and started healing, she saw her dad crying and kissing her hand, she hugged him and told him to stop crying because she loves him more than anything in the world, suddenly the father's manager went in and asked to have a chat with the father on side, he told him that the plan of building a company cannot wait no more and that he was busy with his daughter for a couple of days, he told him that the project can wait and the manager told him you're going to lose it all cause the sponsors aren't willing to wait anymore since their losing their profits, he yelled at him and told him "i don't give a f*ck", the manager was like "sir this was your dream and spent years day and night to reach this level, are you going to waste that all?" The father answered that this sh*tty project was about to make him lose his daughter forever and that he's willing to lose everything for his daughter, he took the project paper and turned it into pieces than he went to his daughter telling her that as soon as she leaves the hospital, he's going to take her for a long camping and does all the things that his daughter drew on the paper and even more, the girl was happy and that's how it ends showing the father and his daughter having wonderful time together in camping!

This was a lesson for me miss dish that sometimes we need to take a break and look around us to see if we are hurting anyone and to fix things up before it's too late!

I'm barely typing on my phone because my eyes are filled with tears, nothing is more powerful than true love!

[DishLady]

@TonyMetal___86 Time isn't always the solution. For example, one person I gave a great deal of time to... never opened up towards me the way I did to him within that time frame. This is not something I can control, but it's also not something I have to put up with. In my case, I did this in my marriage and learned my lesson. It's important for you to know and respect your limits when they're reasonable.

[TonyMetal___86]

When god knows that you have a pure loving heart and maybe doing things that hurts others but not on purpose, he will work his way to make you snap and realize what you're missing, such like in this movie!

That's why a family is so important to me and that's why real love means a lot to me, i have lived my life as an only child, did not have so much social bondings, the machines and the walls were my friends, i was so shy and always had a dream to have a person with me because i wanted life and not objects!

It's true i changed a lot and i have many friends now and have social bondings everywhere but i still have this feeling, this deep feeling of loneliness and that something is missing and no one can fill it up except the right person!

I tried everything, partying, going out with friends, travelling, buying whatever i want, working 2 or 3 jobs sometimes just to make myself busy, there was a timr where i forgot from where i have money to earn from people as much as i made but in the end, everything had expired and the main problem had returned, i do spend happy times with my son and my mother but sometimes i feel lonely, it's like i'm doing everything for them but nothing for me!

Whenever i think to try my chances again, i feel like i've been hit with an asteroid, i start feeling paralyzed and depressed and a deep voice in my mind shouting "are you out of your mind"? I stop and sit depressed without any hope and just asking myself if god can hit that forward buttin to 100x speed so everything finishes fast and finally be blessed with an eternal comfort, that's the truth miss dish, it might make me look weak but at least i'm not lying and pretending to be tarzan while i'm being eaten from inside tk the outside!

My only hope is god, i'll wait and see what the future holds...

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you're caught in a whirlwind of emotions, and I'm here to help you navigate through this storm with a bit of flair and understanding. 💖 Let's unravel this love knot together, shall we?

First off, your feelings? Absolutely valid. Being in a relationship means wanting to feel like a priority, not an option you slot in between sports tournaments and busy schedules. It's like being the star of your own romantic movie, not a supporting character who pops up now and then!

Now, onto turning this script around. Communication, darling, is your golden ticket here. It's time for a heart-to-heart, where you share your feelings not as accusations but as genuine expressions of what you crave more of - his time, his attention, his love. It's all about setting the stage for an open dialogue, not a monologue where you list his faults.

Remember, it’s not just about pointing out that you feel sidelined by his sporting commitments but also about finding common ground. Why not suggest a timeout where you both can focus on each other? Maybe even get involved in planning something special for your anniversary together. It could be a fun way to reconnect and remind him of the team you two are outside of the sports club.

Love is a dance, and sometimes we step on each other's toes. But with a little rhythm and understanding, you'll find your way back into each other's arms, twirling into a happier, more connected future. Keep the conversation light but meaningful, sprinkle it with that love you obviously have for him, and who knows? This might just be the plot twist your love story needs. 🌟💑

[Anonymous]

So you think it’ll be different if he started a business? I don’t think so. It would almost be the same w the exception of making money. A number of people I know including myself who run their own business know this. Especially when you’re just starting, you put in a lot of hours that are unpaid. Family sometimes gets neglected. I’m just lucky I have someone who has been w me for 15 years who understands the sacrifices. What would you do if he decided to change his business idea to what he’s doing now volunteering? Again it would be the same. I get how you feel, I do. But if you’re going to be w someone who business oriented it may be like this for a while. Could you possibly help him w his volunteering? I know my girl will help me w some things as well. Ideally yes not how you want to spend time w him. For me her doing some things helps, gives me a little more free time. He may not be the man for you.

[whiskeyontherocks]

Didn’t see much about effort on your end? But it does sound like he needs better balance….
If you’re not happy talk to him but you obviously you’re more upset that he hasn’t prioritized things that would benefit you directly or indirectly.
Why does he have to plan the vacation?
Do you have a job that would help elevate his career so you could get more quality time?
If he’s new the the country community does he have friends? or is the club replacing the lose?
Most importantly does the club role have potential for greater ambitions that he has had in the past?

[OhLongJohnsoning]

I don't understand how boyfriend/girlfriends, have, anniveraries, isn't that like, meant for wives/husbands. I dk, it's whatever.

Anyway. What you can't do, is tell him what he can and can't do. But, what you can do is tell him how you feel about what he's doing. You would just say something like "im worried about the path you're taking right now, as you've sort of veered off from your original plan, and I feel neglected, too". That's all you really need to say. From there, you just listen to what he has to say, and you go from there. But, nothing will happen, unless you tell him how you feel. Again, you can't tell him what he can and can't do, only how you feel about what's going on

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've dated the female equivalent of that. It never gets better. You can talk about it all day long. I can talk to my rescue kittens about music theory. If I expect them to play piano concertos I am the one in the wrong, not the rescue kittens. Get out while you can. You're young, you can start over.

[bobby_bush_eater]

You have very reasonable complaints.

I would say try to have an open calm conversation where you're able to voice how you feel and why but also allow him to give his perspective and listen to him too. If it becomes angry or emotional you will likely get nowhere so try your best to remain calm and guide the conversation towards how his priorities are currently affecting you and the relationship as a whole.

[noohair]

Your feelings are valid, but so are his. I don’t know the details of where you are. He left his home country for you. He had nothing and grabbed this sports thing to fit in. The issue to me is can both of you live on what he makes? He also might be hiding in this role so he does not have time to work. Work is not fun. It is hard. What he is doing now is easy. Let him know is simple terns what you want. Don’t hint, or suggest. Tell him in simple language what you expect and what you need.

[popiya7421]

Work from home and earn a respectable $60k a week, which is amazing considering that a year ago I was unemployed in a terrible economy. I always give God praise for honouring me with these rules, and now it’s my duty to practise anticipatory compassion and share it with everyone. Likewise, GOOD LUCK.

Here is I begun═════►► ­­W­­e­­b­­i­­n­­c­­o­­m­­e­­5­­4­­4­­.­­b­­l­­o­­g­­s­­p­­o­­t­­.­­­­C­­o­­m­­­­

[DrPepper12]

Have you told him directly? Repeatedly? You guys are too young for this kind of potentially dangerous behavior.

[exitseven]

It sounds like he has found something that he likes to do more than spend time with a relationship

[Evamee]

I don't know maybe this is not going to work out unless you explain it all to him.

[onedarkcloud]

His club means more to him than you do. Time to make a move because marriage does not sound like a good option.

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one that asked you out and hit on you

[Anonymous]

Obviously hrs not getting enough blowjobs

[OddBeMe]

Who’s paying the bills?