What are your thoughts on a "pre-engagement" ring?

Question

My (29F) 34 year old boyfriend of 1.5 years recently told me he wants to give me a "pre-engagement" ring and wants me to wear it around everywhere to show everyone that I am "off the market". I don't know about other people but to me, it sounds a whole lot like a "promise ring" high school kids/teenagers give each other. He meant for it to be a sweet idea and gesture but I am actually quite offended. If you don't have the real deal to offer me, don't try to claim me and take me off the market for 1/8th of the price. He's 34, not 17. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

I would say thank you very much, tell him that you love him, but that it is time to shit or get off the pot. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn’t. and say to him in the possible way that a year and a half if he's not ready to give you an engagement ring, it's time you both move on! Remind him that you're 29, and you just don't have time to play anymore. It might be a good idea to tell him that if he doesn't want to commit to marrying you now, then it’s time you ended the relationship. Don't make it about hard feelings, and don't be mad at him. just thank him for the year and a half of wonderful times and pack your bags… or alternatively, pack his! My father married my mother three months after they met, that was 25 years ago. My fiancé put an engagement ring on my finger after nine months. A pre-engagement ring sounds something akin to a high school progress ring.

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

Your reaction is absolutely logical. He's acting like a HS kid or 18-20 year-old college student that gives his girlfriend a promise ring. What on earth is a pre-engagement ring used for? This makes no sense. If he wanted to really symbolize the union and deep love between both of you then he would just give you a damn engagement ring. It doesn't mean you guys will get married tomorrow. It's the gesture itself that he's serious about having a future with you.

If he's not planning to propose then he shouldn't give you any ring at all, just a regular necklace, perfume or other gifts. He's trying to BS into getting your hopes up and waste your time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You sound like you’re after money. I’d advise him not to marry you. You’re determining all of this based off of money. Besides unless I’m wrong you’re technically off the market. I mean most people would assume the same if you’ve been together for 1.5 years. Grow up. Your chances of marriage are getting smaller, so I wouldn’t be acting the way you are. On the other hand. I will say that more than likely he won’t marry you. This is just a way to get you all sappy to keep you around longer w out actually committing. But at the same time I still meant what I said.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Long time ago, when I was young...

When we were just dating, a gave my girlfriend a friendship ring. She suspected I had more serious things in mind, which I did; she didn't, at least not at the time, but it was a nice ring and she accepted it. We got engaged about a year later, married for 20 years, which ended in an amicable divorce.

Your guy wants to mark you for others, that you are "taken". That's overly controlling and you have the right to be upset about it, especially since you appear to not want to be "off limits" ... yet.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic tale of pre-engagement promises! 😏 It's like setting your eyes on the cake but savoring a cupcake first. Sweet in theory, but your feelings are totally valid here. Picture this: a pre-engagement ring is his way of saying, "I'm all in... but let’s pause for a moment." Real talk? It's understandable why you'd feel like this is more of a high school sweetheart move than a grown-up declaration of love.

Don't get me wrong, the gesture has its charm, as it whispers of commitment. Yet, it's also screaming, "I'm not ready for the real deal." Now, let's not toss all the romance out the window. It's crucial to communicate. Share your desire for clarity—are we stepping towards a future together, or are we bookmarking this chapter? Love is in the air, but let's make sure it's not lingering in the hallway of uncertainty. Your heart deserves the main event, not just the pre-show! 💍✨

Finchie40 · Answer

The value of a ring shouldn’t determine your love for someone , whether you are married or not , what matters is you choose someone the same way you want them to choose you. No ring is going to stop you from being off the market , especially these days , only you can decide that

DishLady · Answer

Ridiculous. So you get the pre-engagement ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring? Just get some brass knuckles...

Purpleronnie · Answer

Reading your description I think you’re over-reacting a little , who says his Intention is getting you off the market cheaply? Can a ring really mean that? You being off the market is about your feelings towards him , surely he can’t be buying that at all?

It seems to me that he may be looking for commitment from you to make him feel comfortable in asking you to marry him but I could be way off. So maybe before you get all upset about being “cheaply bought “ have a conversation about what your acceptance of gesture means to him?

Sunnysunny123 · Answer

That is very teenage thing according to me. Does he have trust issues?

You are right he is at the age where he should be getting married if that is what both of you want wtf is a pre engagement like you book a table before you sit on it at a restaurant. You already are in a relationship so if you both are up for it the next step is engagement and marriage.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

You should be offended. It says “im not ready to make a commitment but I want you to commit to me!” You might as well buy a pre wedding dress right now. Call the baker and let them know you will eventually order a wedding cake.
If it were me I’d wear the ring, just not in my left hand ring finger.

luvstoned4him · Answer

Yea that's what it is.. more of a promise ring

My friend from college recently married.. got one from her boyfriend. He first give her the promise ring then the engagement ring and then the married ring.

I'm sorry but I I don't believe a woman or man is off the market until they get married..

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds dumb to me. But u ain't judging.

I mean you got wedding rings which is a symbol of your union. You have an engagement ring which symbolizes a person's commitment to marry someone. What the hell do you need a pre engagement ring for? In fact to me that comes off as suspect. It's like you're putting a partner on layaway.😆 it comes off as you don't want to fully purchase them yet so to speak. But you want to lock them down so nobody else is f***ing them.

That's the way it comes off to me. Dumb! Nut up, or shut up. Give her an engagement ring or don't.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

It’s a bit childish and silly. Like I get he has pure intentions. But if you're ready to commit to someone and want people to know your partner is ‘off the market’ then why not just propose? And if you’re not ready to propose, then don’t bother getting any ring at all lol

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I was with you right up until you brought up the price thing. He could just as easily spend that same money on an engagement ring, unless you're saying that has to be a certain size/price before you'll consider it, in which case I think you're both silly.

HawkPerception · Answer

Yeah that just sounds like a promise ring. Nothing wrong with that. But to be fair you should be off market regardless when you're in a relationship with him. If you truly love him, then staying with him shouldn't be an issue regardless of him proposing to you or not.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

I always thought it was all about the three rings as in an engagement ring, wedding ring & suffering. As for a pre-engagement ring that’s a new one however I wonder if there are post wedding rings as well? I just googled divorce rings so I know they have those.

RavVid · Answer

Promise ring or friendship ring. I thing you are wrong to be offended that he wants to mark the progress of your relationship with a ring that way.

It is also reading as you want expensive as the main attribute of it. I hope you haven't said so because I think he would be doing some heavy thinking if you have.

MicahRaine · Answer

If you want to do it, I think it could be cute.

That said, I think pre-engagement rings and promise rings don't make any sense. If you know you're going to to engaged, either wait or just get engaged already.

Also with that said, I think it could be cute and thoughtful of him to give you a ring with no strings attached.

Lliam · Answer

Your reaction is 100% on the mark. That guy sounds like an idiot. He wants to keep you around but doesn't want to make a commitment. He's in it for the sex and will waste your time forever.

Skinhead-1979 · Answer

Each to their own... but it is so not needed, and would this become common practice is just another corporate money scheme to 'extort' more money out of people.

Anonymous · Answer

you mean a promise ring? those are for teenagers lol he's a grown ass man, why doesn't he actually propose then? i don't understand?

Booklover_90 · Answer

Nope. I actually agree with you. I’d be upset as well and I’d wonder why he wouldn’t propose. Anyway, don’t let him string you along like that.

SweetJoyGirl · Answer

Yes, it is a promise ring. Both of your are way past the stage to be doing promise rings… Express how you feel about it to him.

Red_Arrow · Answer

Pretty ridiculous. You show you are off the market when you wear the engagement ring he gives you. Anything less is nonsense.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

You're right, that's immature and stupid. A half commitment that doesn't actually say anything.

Iron_Man · Answer

You don’t call it a pre-engagement ring it’s an engagement ring. It’s official once you put it on her finger and ask her to marry you.

Anonymous · Answer

What is he playing? Barbies? Find an adult to date.

bowenw · Answer

Tell him, “That’s not how it works Bucko. Go find yourself someone else to put a reservation on.”

fuddly · Answer

He wants to buy you a ring, thanks nice.  You can wear it on another finger? Other hand?  And wait for the talk engagement ring  I agree it was awkward move by your boyfriend

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That's silly so now you need an engagement before the engagement🫣🫣🫣 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anonymous · Answer

I find marriage and rings AS STUPID and childish. This is just as stupid & childish 🥱

letmex-plain · Answer

While there are reasons people think they're gaining something from them, I hate them because people with them tend to do this shit while wearing them;

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Never knew that there's a pre engagement ring, it must be an engagement ring without the pre!

Anonymous · Answer

It does seem odd on his part. But aren't you "off the market" already? Or are you dating other dudes?

Plugs · Answer

U are right. I wouldn’t deal with him

serious · Answer

I don't find that concept appealing at all

douride2 · Answer

Sounds like a waste of time & money to me.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Stupid games and stupid prizes. Commit or not

spartan55 · Answer

That's about the gayest thing I've heard.

worldscolide · Answer

That seems stupid lol.

BCA6010 · Answer

That's stupid.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

My thoughts: ridiculous symbolism :)

jamesgoldman · Answer

Yeah promise rings Great if you're a broke teen

Anonymous · Answer

He’s possessive 🚩  Run!

Anonymous · Answer

Promise rings are cool

noohair · Answer

Is that like pre-sliced cheese?

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Confusion. 🫨

What are your thoughts on a "pre-engagement" ring?

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What are your thoughts on a "pre-engagement" ring?

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