My boyfriend is insecure. How can I fix this?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend looked in my phone while i was asleep and read messages that were years old. The messages were from me and a long time friend. I already explained that me and this friend had attempted to date but the chemistry wasn't there, that we shared a kiss but nothing more, and that this person was still in my life. He read the messages which CONFIRMED what I was saying. But he still is angry at me because he felt like I downplayed how intimate the relationship was. I do NOT like my friend as anything more than a friend and there are messages which clearly show that I broke it off because I didn't see him as more than a friend. Also, the messages are YEARS old. My boyfriend had asked me to block this person a few months ago and out of wanting to protect my relationship I blocked my friend of 13 years. I do feel like my friend had some feelings for me that possibly remained but it isn't mutual which I communicated to him and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is so mad at me he isn't even talking to me right now, and the main thing that frustrates me is that he isn't mad about anything inappropriate DURING our relationship because there is nothing inappropriate. I respect my relationship and love my boyfriend. He is mad about messages from before I even knew him. What do i do?

[SweetJoyGirl]

Yea, he is insecure. He has a right to be upset, but not upset to the point of reacting like that, I think. Idk…I mean the messages are very old, as you said. 13 years of a friendship is stronger than that of a recent boyfriend. At least that is what makes sense…

I do have a question, tho. Were you still talking to this friend during the relationship?

[SweetJoyGirl]

If you were still talking to the friend, were the conversations respectable if someone in a relationship with someone else?

[SweetJoyGirl]

Of**

[BetaBucks]

Timeframe doesn't matter. He's mad about you downplaying the relationship, covering up that he still likes you, and that you keep talking to a guy that you had a thing with and still likes you. This is normal to be upset about. His reaction is a bit over the top though.

To correct the issue, avoid the friend. Be honest and loyal. Don't show interest in other guys. Don't put more effort into other guys than your boyfriend. That fixes 99% of these problems.

[Asker]

Thanks for the honesty firstly. But I don't keep in contact. I wanted to stay friends because i felt it was harmless because I know my feelings for my boyfriend are real and my boyfriend is my person, the one I want to grow old with. I can't control someone else's feelings, not my long time friend or my boyfriend. All I can do is be honest which i was with both men. My friend knows that I live my boyfriend and I didn't even say goodbye to somebody who was a good friend to me. I just blocked him all because my boyfriend told me that the relationship me and my friend had was a problem. And I loved him so much I chose him. That should speak for itself right?

[BetaBucks]

Of course, and I totally get your side of it. I'm just trying to give your boyfriend a fair shake about his side of it too. Emotions aren't always rational, and all. You two will work it out though.

[MzAsh]

Hold up. He completely disrespected her by looking in her phone. She needs to lay down some firm boundaries about this kind of behavior is and isn’t acceptable if he’s feeling swine type of way. I’d be questioning why he felt the need to look in her phone in the first place. She can put this old friend out of her life, but this does NOT fix the underlying issue that he’s got some trust issues that HE will have to work on.

[MzAsh]

* some type of way

[ProbablyClueless]

There's not much you can do, unfortunately. Getting over his insecurities is something he'll have to do himself.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the stormy weather of insecurity can feel like trying to dance in the rain without slipping—it's challenging but not impossible, love! 💃🕺 Your situation is quite the tango. Here's the deal: at the core, it's about trust and boundaries. Your boyfriend's actions, snooping through your phone and then reacting to ancient history texts, scream insecurity louder than a megaphone at a silent retreat.

First off, reassure your beau in the language of love that would melt even the coldest of icebergs. Let him know that he’s your main squeeze, your numero uno, the peanut butter to your jelly! However—and this is where the plot thickens—you've got to stand your ground about respecting privacy and autonomy in a relationship. Every relationship, just like a good dance, needs some space to move freely, after all.

Consider a heart-to-heart where you both can discuss your feelings, fears, and how to build trust moving forward. It's like building a bridge over troubled water; it takes time and effort from both sides. If he continues to struggle, suggesting professional help might not be a bad idea. Remember, even the strongest warriors can use a little help from a wise sage (or in this case, a therapist or a coach). 😉

Keep the communication lines open, sprinkle in heaps of patience, and don't forget to keep dancing in the rain—after all, every storm eventually clears. 🌈

[Staximus]

Your boyfriend is a drama queen idiot and it's time for a new phone. Why do you save these old messages anyways?

[Danny_dan92]

Tell him to stop. Other than that nothing will work

[noohair]

You picked him. You can't change another person, only yourself.