Do you attract dramatic and negative people?

[DishLady]

Hi Guys and Gals,

I'm wondering if any of you feels that you're a "magnet" for dramatic and negative people. Not as a reflection of your own personality, but simply that these types of people tend to be drawn to you.

I know so many individuals who are kind, giving, respectful, empathetic, etc... but the people they attract tend to be the toxic sort.

What do you think can be attributed to this problem?

[OlderAndWiser]

When I was younger and lacked self-confidence, I gravitated towards women who needed to be rescued. (Yes, I know how foolish that was.) As I have gotten older and more confident, I started choosing more mature and responsible women, and the drama and negativity disappeared almost completely.

[DishLady]

Yeah... In my personal life I have to stop looking at the "bird with the broken wing" type guy... Professionally, though, those are the people I'm hired to tend to, so it's a bit of a challenge.

[OlderAndWiser]

And in my younger days, I was a mental health counsellor. "Send me your tired, your weary, your schizophrenics. . ."

[DishLady]

Oh, see? Similar. (Sigh...)

[7Phoenix7]

I've learned my lesson but yes. I used to attract people who would try to take advantage of my kindness.

These days, I am very much aware of who people are and what they are about when I'm getting to know them. And pretty much when I start to see toxic traits... I start distancing myself.

I've already had my fair share of trying to fix the broken. I ended up broken myself. And now that I'm healing and doing so much better, I make it a point to love myself first... and protect my peace.

[DishLady]

Yes, "Protect my peace" is something I learned about a year ago. I love the concept.

[DishLady]

We all hit "broken" patches in our lives, but it's up to us to heal stronger. :)

[DizzyDesii]

People are attracted to “light”. I’m pretty goofy, bubbly and for the most part, optimistic. I tend to attract people who are like me and people who want to be the light like me. But i also attract some people who want to rip my light from me. Misery craves company

[DishLady]

I totally get you. Yes... The light just draws all the flakes in (along with some really great people). They're sole purpose is to bring you down bc HOW DARE YOU have such light when they're miserable? Pfft.

[DizzyDesii]

And i like to share the light but i learned with one earlier boyfriend this year that he hates the light and doesn't want either of us to shine bright

[DishLady]

I hear you... I've been there... :(

[Finchie40]

It seems to be that way for me , why I no longer rush into a relationship with a girl , I prefer taking the slow road , preferably FWB’s that gives us to line to really
Get to know each other

[DishLady]

But friends with benefits isn't a relationship... it's a "no strings" thing -- what the kids now call "a situationship."

[Finchie40]

The way I do FWB’s is with some strings attached , we both agree to only have sex with each other and we both agree we can date other people , if we choose too , but if we end up in bed with someone else? , we agree we end the benefits part and just remain friends. Me personally doesn’t want to have sex with a girl that is getting nailed by a bunch of differs guys’ as well , to me that is dirty and degrading. The key is for her and I to hopefully end up together without rushing into things , Most people are just infatuated with each other when we meet someone new and exciting , we don’t really look at the big picture , we just assume we really like each other and that’s when shit usually hits the fan when we realize we both aren’t on the same page as things. It eliminates the both of us from having our heart broken, if one of us decides , oh wait this isn’t the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So we both are on the same page as things , if not , then I would t be FWB’s with her period

[DishLady]

Interesting. A pretty reasonable approach.

[Finchie40]

Every single one of us has selfishness inside of ourselves , and not one of us is a mind reader , we don’t really know someone when we first meet them , we are just infatuated with them , so it’s best to be friends first and take it slow without rushing into a commitment, . I have dated so many girls’ that said they are looking for love and commitment , a guy that will stay loyal to them , and be by her side , me personally wants the same things , so things will be great with us in the beginning and then out of no where she changes her
Mind because she met a guy that she feels is better than me and ends up cheating on me , FWB’s eliminates that from happening for the most part , I take commitment seriously , if a girl is giving me her heart I am giving her mine ,

[Finchie40]

The way I look at it , is if you want me choosing you , you need to choose me S well , not the other way around , the other way around is just a waste of time , basically thanks for a good time but not a long time

[DishLady]

So -- if it's not too personal -- how long would a friends with benefits last for you? Possibly forever? Would you consider marrying (or at least calling each other partners) after a certain number of years or no?

[Finchie40]

We can only give what we hope to receive in return , if you are constantly giving without receiving? What are you going to do? Walk away would be the wise decision For a relationship to last the long haul both people have to be on the same page as things , you both have to fully choose each other , if you aren’t choosing your partner , they aren’t going to choose you. Love only grows when 2 people choose each other , it won’t always be perfect but it’s better knowing someone has your back the same way you have theirs.

[Finchie40]

Just depends on the chemistry and connection you both share together , why honesty is important , if she is my best friend and I enjoy spending time with her and talking to her every day , and we have amazing intimacy and affection together and have fun together every time we get together then I will open up to her and tell her my feelings towards her , me personally would give it a few months to give her and I time to really get to know each other

[DishLady]

I love this. :) Thanks, @Finchie40 <3

[Finchie40]

No problem , I am happy to help. Trust me I had my fair share of lying selfish girls’ that strung me along for their selfish benefit , not giving a fuck that they lied and broke my heart. I will only commit to a girl that chooses me the same way I choose her. In today’s world people are cheating and backstabbing each other left and right , it’s sad to watch , like casual sex is the new norm. I’m sorry I am old school when it comes to relationships, I take commitment seriously , don’t come into my life blowing smoke up my ass , which sadly a lot of people tend to do because they are selfish. So by me taking this approach has helped me not have a broken heart every time a girl decides all of a sudden she wants someone else instead. The way I look at it , is we are just friends , I am willing to give you my heart if you are willing to give me yours. I can’t read your mind , I don’t know what your true intentions are , but I find you beautiful and interesting and I would love to get to know you more and be closer to you. If you and I start to choose each other completely then let’s be together officially

[itsannalee]

Our interest in someone as a partner or friend is related to our childhood. How our parent raised us.
So if we always interested or being around negative people, that because only that we learned from our parents, only such love we learned from parents.


The only how to avoid this is just heal your childhood trauma.

[bobalife]

It’s easy to say we attract them, but I am a firm believer we choose who want in our life and given time to including friends and romantic interests; therefore, I am selective for good vibes and energy generally.

[DishLady]

Sure, but what we attract and what we accept aren’t the same.

[MrOracle]

I wouldn't say that I attract them - a few come along, but I tend to keep a distance, as that's not the kind of people I want in my life. I specifically avoid drama and negativity, and while my friend pool is smaller, I'm happier overall.

[DishLady]

I am at the same. It's not easy, though. Some toxic folks still make it through. Something to keep working on.

[thegreenyogi]

a lot of the time. I think my positive energy and overall general attitude towards life attracts negative people although it doesn't really work because the brain of a positive and negative person are wired completely differently.

[DishLady]

True, but it can create a lot of unnecessary drama for the short time that you know each other.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I used to attract and still do attract toxic people. I used to be on this one website and people were all toxic on it and after the owners shut them done. It was a true blessing they did so because people would treat me like dirt on them sites, and they were toxic for me, but I manage to go on and now after all them years I leave toxic people behind.

[DrPepper12]

I tend to attract "strays".

People in need of a hug or a kind word or just someone to listen.

[DishLady]

Hahaha. Good one. <3

[Anonymous]

It happens frequently, although it could be because I am a little toxic myself, which I am working on. I also want to save these people, but it isn't always possible because people only change when they're ready.

[DishLady]

True. You can't change a person or make them believe in the good you see in them.

[RetroReviews]

I personally don't like drama but for whatever reason it does seem like I attract those type of people

[DishLady]

I wonder if calm people just attract dramatic people in general…

[jackieistired]

Omg that’s what I keep attracting. I think when they see you as an energy source, they just latch on to you. My therapist keeps saying I’m an empath and I’m selfless, I’m trying to work on it now

[DishLady]

It's hard to "work" on something that's actually a good thing.

I mean, being sensitive to others, understanding them, etc. is wonderful... but it can also be draining.

[jackieistired]

I mean, I want to only show that to people who truly on deserve it. Not people who are just energy vampires. I feel as though, I am just everything to everyone and I’m not selective with who I show that to. Like even talking to a guy for like an hour, he blurted out I can tell you wear your heart on your sleeve and I literally felt so embarrassed because I’m like omg now Im about to be put through the ringer, ya know

[DishLady]

Yes, same with me. I made a horrible error in opening up to someone a few months ago and it led to massive productivity loss for most of the summer. :( I caught some red flags early on and said goodbye to him several times, but kept second guessing myself and letting him gaslight me... but I should have listened to my instincts from the start and said goodbye back in May.

But you know... heart on your sleeve isn't something to be embarrassed about. You're a good, honest person. Just also hone your instinct to cut people off when you feel you should. It's important.

[jackieistired]

I totally get you on that!! It’s like they think that you’re way too kind so they have a permanent spot in your heart and you’ll never get rid of them. That really shows how parasitic they really are!! I try to cut people off so many times and they don’t believe me & it’s so frustrating. And after they basically tornado your life, they just walk away & ya we know better but we always want to see the best!! I guess our downfall is always thinking people have our intentions aswell. I think it kind of is a super power to not be hardened in this day and age

[DishLady]

It's true. Hmm.

I'll continue to see the best, but when that gets difficult I just pass a list of names to my priest and ask the priest to pray for these people because I'm starting to find the task too challenging for my nerves. The priest chuckles at me but always puts the list on the altar and prays for those folks anyway.

I just feel that we're all made in God's image, so there's a seed of good bumping around each person even if they're toxic. I just have to practice stepping back sooner.

YES! Definitely a superpower not to become jaded and nasty like so many people do.

So glad you shared here today. :)

[OfMiceandMen]

I do not, I tend to call it like it is. If the person is dragging me down because they can't stand their job or their ex pisses them off all the time, life is a constant dramatic battle, then I tend to let them go.

So I guess I repel dramatic and negative people.

[RyanR03]

If you attract them repeatedly, trust me there is mirror 🪞 work to do. It’s not supernatural

[DishLady]

I presume it's my line of work in general.

[RyanR03]

I can just tell people… look to the mirror first and to spiritual recovery first. And everyone is spiritually sick to an extent. Some worse than others. But when life is seemingly rinse repeat, the problem is almost ALWAYS in the mirror. Whether they recognize it or not

[DishLady]

I think you're misunderstanding the question, Ryan, but thanks for your post.

[exitseven]

When I was younger I was friends with some real characters. Some were chaotic and just plain nuts. Not really what i would call dramatic or negative.

[worldscolide]

No thank God, but I also tend to keep everyone but my family and close circle of friends at arms length

[MicahRaine]

I haven't allowed many people like that in my life.

[justme444]

Yes and people who are insecure and have mental illnesses. I don't understand.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, I attract assholes.

[DishLady]

Ok... Can you tell if it's something you're doing that attracts them?

[FunkyMonkee]

Mostly, they either peg me as an easy mark or they get some idea that I'm pretty much like some stupid little kid they can scam, probably just because I have a playful nature, am east-going and have a very good sense of humour and word play.

[DishLady]

Hmm. Yeah, something about that combo -- while it makes a person lovable -- does tend to attract negative people... I have the same problem, as do several of the others who posted responses. :(

There should be a way of keeping this sort of person at bay without sacrificing the good-natured personality!

[FunkyMonkee]

Someone needs to invent asshole repellent. Spray it on before you leave the house and have yourself a peaceful day. Keeps assholes away for several hours.

[DishLady]

LMAO. ❤️❤️❤️ 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[Yannae]

No, once they realize that they can't count on me for pity or support for their toxic behavior, they leave.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No because I'm not such. And if they do come into my life then I quickly remove myself from them.

[Stef12]

I attract nutcases.

[legalboxers]

Im a drama magnet

[eagle1951]

both actually

[DishLady]

What do you think causes them to feel attracted to you?

[eagle1951]

i'm open honest and straightforward, plus a great sense of humor

[DishLady]

And you think honest open people attract this odd "opposite" character?