What's a unique approach you've used to manage expectations and stress in a relationship?

[HawkPerception]

[Yannae]

I started recording stuff. Voice or video. Because if I told someone of my situation they wouldn't believe it. When one makes a promise or makes a scene, it's easy to just hit "record" and just calmly nod. Hmhmmm... I see... sure... carry on... o really...

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

hahaha @DizzyDesii agrees !

[DrPepper12]

Paraphrase back to them
Ask for goal of Convo
Know when to give urself time out

Telling myself in 10 (unit of time) I won't care and it will be meaningless. I am but a fleeting speck in a vast complex universe

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

you make me want to spawn a cut of Sagan, as I think this is your direct ref lol:

[...] Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark [...]

[DrPepper12]

I've been attracted to some aspects of nihilist philosophy in stoicism and Buddhism. Plus Nietzsche is a mind fuck.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

ouch, I was far from featuring Nihilism, this is the last thing I would want in my philosophical life lol, no no, the Carl Sagan speech I refer to is relativist but not downright nihilistic. But okay, I really thought you were featuring Sagan yourself, here it is then: the full quote

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot#Reflections

[Summeroflove]

You HAVE to know when to leave all relationships have problems that depending on how they’re worked through can either make a relationship stronger or fatally injure the relationship. Whether the relationship dies there or it just gets progressively worse.

There are many relationships where someone is trying to change the other. Some cases it’s very toxic and a man/woman thinks they can save someone, fix someone, change someone. Other times it’s two good people looking for completely different things, at the end of the day just aren’t compatible.

Let’s say one person wants to stay home and take care of the kids the other partner doesn’t want that, the other partner wants both to work. One wants kids the other doesn’t. Ones wanting marriage the others not sure.

The list is endless of things but people waste too much time being with the wrong person. To one day wake up and realize they aren’t happy and haven’t been in a long time.

[DishLady]

Just calmly and logically outline an expectation when an incorrect assumption is made. If you see that there’s no growth or no way to work past the problematic expectation early-on, kindly part ways rather than create a toxic cycle.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Stress management:
When your girlfriend decides, in a tor**** of heat, to tear off the printed pictures of you, at your face. Well. I discovered I could go for a walk, during winter, and take some new pictures. Trees, leaves and bottles ! What you're going to look at spawned immediately after such an intense moment:

When the unexpected comes from the unexpected

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

apparently we can't use the word meaning stream, beginning with tor and finishing with rent... Okay lol

[OfMiceandMen]

Kind of get the expectation thing out of the way early on. I am not a complicated person.

As far as managing stress in the relationship I take a tip from parents and recommend having a time-out. Just a short period between discussing things so when she and I finally discuss the issue we are level headed and it doesn't escalate.

[DizzyDesii]

Get everything in writing (or text) because people tend to “forget” a lot of what they said and promised. I love having my receipts. (I even told one guy “wait let me record you on that.” And i did. He forget some months later and I made him look like a dumbass when i played back the recording which he consented to at the time). And when someone is mad, give them a few hours of space but fix the issue before bed by talking it over when both have calmed down.

[DizzyDesii]

Not necessarily unique but shit it worked

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

The recording LOL
I don't know the context but I would probably look like WTF if a mate was telling me she's gonna record 🤣

[DizzyDesii]

@Maybe_Maybe_not its because he constantly lied and broke promises. It was the only thing that made him start being honest. Unfortunately too honest but yea. I now do it to my mom. She constantly “forgets” with her lyin ass so now i need that in writing ma’am

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Hmm with more context, it's quite less funny now, okay, sorry to hear the jazz that happened and still happens :/

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m learning more about communication and how to set expectations in the beginning but also update them over time. Learning how to checkin emotionally and how much vulnerability can be expressed when feeling stress vs holding it all in; based on trust levels and fear. It’s an evolving journey but the more open I can be and the more I can hold her accountable for her expectations and emotions the better.


How does stress and expectations relate to your journey?