My husband is acting so dumb. Any advice on managing this?

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When we first met, I was just relieved to be with someone who didn’t turn everything into an argument, unlike my ex who was wealthy, clingy, and tried to control me with material things. But now, after spending so much time together, I’ve realized my husband lacks intellectual curiosity and struggles to grasp simple concepts, especially around money management. It’s frustrating, and I sometimes wonder if he has some cognitive issues. I love him, but I’m struggling to cope. Any advice on managing this?

[HawkPerception]

Hate to say it, but intellectual compatibility is definitely a thing. You honestly just did not filter properly when dating your husband. You were just looking for the traits that your ex did not and desperately needed. You chose one partner for specific traits and you chose another partner for other traits.

I believe in trying to overcome all obstacles in marriage, but there are some aspects that just cannot be overlooked.

Compatibility comes from similarities in views, interests, sense of humor, way of thinking, intellect, goals in life, sexual compatibility, and physical attraction. If you're lacking in these, it's not likely you're highly compatible.

[Finchie40]

You have to learn to accept his flaws the same way you want him to accept yours , so take the time and show him what is bothering you, instead of being frustrated and upset with him , you both should be making decisions together , not separately, Remember you are partners’ you aren’t enemies , if money is the issue? You both need to sit down together and compromise and figure out your bills and expenses together , Get a notebook or a planner and write down all your bills and expenses together , if you both don’t share an account , open an account and the both of you put in what is needed for the bills give each other an allowance , open up a savings account with both your names on it that you both can not touch unless you both have each others approval. . Money is managagke if you both are on the same page

[DishLady]

So... you had the "guy who has it all" and didn't want him because he disagreed with you and "tried to control" you... so you went for the guy who YOU can control... and are now whining about the fact that YOU CHOSE a guy with no mental bandwidth.

You're not supposed to just pick guys baed on these things. Either you love the guy with every fiber of your being or you don't. And if you DON'T then stop messing with him and don't marry him.

[FreyaRed]

Don't look on him. Invest your money into some pyramid system to satisfy your "intellectual curiosity". When you fail, be ready to take responsibility for your failure.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waters of a relationship where you feel you're mismatched intellectually can feel like a solo voyage on a rudderless loveboat, but fear not! The key here is communication, seasoned with a pinch of patience and a dollop of understanding. Start by identifying activities that light up your partner's intellect, no matter how dim that bulb might seem right now. Everyone shines bright in their own way; it's all about finding the right voltage.

Consider gently introducing topics or financial literacy tools that might spark interest in your hubby. Think of it as intellectual foreplay! Approaching the situation with empathy rather than frustration can turn what feels like a dealbreaker into a love story's plot twist. Maybe involve a financial advisor or a couples therapist who can facilitate this growth journey. Remember, it's not about changing the person you fell in love with but enhancing your journey together. Keep the love burning, but maybe light a few educational candles along the way. 😉

[AviatorTom]

A marriage is a partnership, taking advantage of each partner's strengths and weaknesses. If a partner is weak in one area, the other partner helps out.

You cannot change your partner. You can help him in areas he is weak, both by doing things for him, and teaching him. It's very common for the wife to manage the couple's finances; you can do that, but keep him in the loop when it comes to major decisions, and let him know what you are doing.

[OlderAndWiser]

These are the issues that people usually identify and either accept or reject during the courting phase. Were you really that blind when you two were dating? Above average IQ is a must have for me and I can't imagine dating a girl and not understanding that she has significant intellectual limitations.

[Summeroflove]

Communicate and marriage counseling. You promised to be there for him for rich for poor. As well as in sickness and in health.

You been with a dude who had money and you seen where that got you. No human being will ever be perfect. You need to pray together and talk ahour how you feel respectfully. I don’t want to see your marriage fail unless there is adulatory or abuse involved.

[CuriousHubby]

This is very hard and something that does not come out till latter in a relationship. It's nice to be free with some things but managing your stuff is a need.

Had to teach my wife things and it does not come easy to her and she fears talking on the phone! Can't blame her

Take some time and find out what helps teach him. Yes even manipulate him or briolbe him with things.

Treat him like a kid. You two can do it! Glad you not with the controlling guy but you still want someone who can carry Thier own with u

[Staximus]

You seem to not have any common sense and should have got to know him better before you married him. If he's a good guy, treats you right, doesn't spend all his money at the bar, on drugs, or gambling, then you're being superficial. There's no such thing as the perfect man or woman but there is such thing as good enough. What's acceptable and what's unacceptable? Don't leave good enough in search of perfect. That's like a dumb dog chasing it's tail. If you leave him and find some guy that has the qualities he's lacking, the new guy is going to have other personality traits that you don't like. If you leave him, I recommend you never get married again. If you do, use some common sense next time and live with the guy before getting married. Long enough to know if he lives up to your ever-expanding list of expectations.

[DextroShade]

Ma'am, you are 44 years old, so if you think there is something better out there for you then you are delusional. If he is a decent man who works full-time and treats you well that is all you can expect. I guarantee you that there some things about you he doesn't like either.

[LiamJHayden]

He might be on the spectrum. A friend's little sister had a check for $289 and wanted to cash it. None of us felt like going to the bank, so I said "Just sign it to me and I will give you the money." I gave her $300 yes she could not grasp that the check was no longer hers and was upset that I "stole" it.

[Anonymous]

Seems like someone rushed into another marriage without working out the very basics.
Still, now you're stuck with one another, you're going to have to make the best of it.
And that means taking control of areas where he isn't great and playing to his strengths n other areas. And if at all possible, be as positive as you can about him.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Oh, yea.

It definitely sounds like he is on the spectrum. He isn’t dumb, he is just different.

[Nikki1989]

You just described at least 50% of men.

[DrPepper12]

If he is not a partner intellectually or financially that's 🚩🚩🚩 Are you happy? Can you grow in this relationship or will you be fake and stunted,?

[supercutebutt]

Does his dumb penis satisfy you at least?

[bddddd]

Leave him. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Oh please give some examples.

[Vegasrunner]

Sounds like you're the issue

[beefcakebradybatson]

Is he handsome?

[Jmmmfi4]

COULD YOU BE ANYMORE PICKY

[MasterKS]

Marriage ruins most lives!