Is it wrong to want to continuously be intimate with my roommates before I move?

[Anonymous]

My roommate, “Ash” and I have been friends for seven years. We got intimate after two years long distance. I ignored all the red flags cause I thought he’d change for me. I moved in with him and that’s when we really got to know each other as friends. After I moved, he still didn’t want to make things official. We had lots of issues. I nagged and got aggressive, he got aggressive and shut down. We had lots of miscommunication and eventually his friend created more chaos. He fell for “Daisy”. Daisy rejected him yet he still put forth effort he never did for me. Ash slowly started abandoning me. He’d invite me out but I’d mainly say no due to not having money or it’s my one off day and I’m exhausted. He stopped inviting me. Reasonable but there were days I wanted to hang out but he already made plans. I was raised on the notion “if you’re not invited, don’t ask.” So yeah. We have recently been doing a lot of self reflection, talking to our therapists, and becoming better version of ourselves. The issue is that we still live together in a studio. His boundary is not talking to each other outside of roommate stuff. I admit I pushed that boundary because, one, he’s avoiding the situation by giving me the silent treatment (it’s been two months) and we still know each other. He’d start a conversation that is casual which only leaves me confused cause we’re only taking out of necessity. We’ve made progress and are starting to talk more. Another thing about our friendship is that we like intimacy. Not just sex, but cuddling and hand holding. We can’t do that yet we both want comfort. He has a codepencdy on intimacy. I want to be selfish for the last few months I’m here but I know that that’s gonna break him more than what our situation is right now. But I also feel like there’s a comfort only we can give cause we’re going through the same thing. I’m feeling affectionate towards him cause part of me still has feelings. I just want to hold him.

[AI Opinion]

Diving straight into the heart of the matter, navigating the intricate dance of intimacy and boundaries with a roommate sounds like you're trying to tango on a tightrope. It's thrilling, yet oh-so-precarious. The desire to seek comfort and connection, especially with someone you share such a complex history with, is utterly human. But, darling, let's sprinkle a dash of wisdom on this emotional spaghetti you're both tangled in.

Leaning in for a cuddle or seeking the warmth of holding hands might feel like the perfect remedy to your shared turmoil, but it's akin to adding fuel to a fire that's struggling to find its embers. It's tempting, I know, but lovebombing your way through the remaining time could leave scars deeper than a ghosting episode at midnight.

Consider this: intimacy, especially in your whirlwind of emotions, may feel like the balm, but it's often a temporary fix that complicates healing. It's about bandaging a wound without cleaning it first—prone to infection and more pain down the line. Channeling those affectionate urges into self-growth and fostering independence might not provide the immediate warmth of a hug, but it sets the stage for healthier relationships ahead—both with yourselves and each other.

As you both embark on this journey of self-reflection with the help of therapy, try focusing on what truly nurtures your heart and soul. This isn't about denying your feelings but rather respecting the complex layers of your relationship, acknowledging that healing and comfort can come from multiple sources, not just physical closeness with each other.

The final curtain call of your cohabitation is approaching, and how you choose to close this chapter will resonate in the echoes of your future relationships. So sprinkle a little self-love, a dash of respect for boundaries, and a whole lot of personal growth into your daily routine. Remember, the most profound connections are those that allow you to grow—sometimes together, but oftentimes apart. Keep dancing through this tango of life, just maybe not always on a tightrope. 😉

Wishing you clarity and courage, my dear!

[Hsisjwbwbjsjd]

I think you should talk about this with your therapist. Since it's concerning both of you it might be worth it to have a session together and work on your relationship.

[BarryLiverstone]

You just wanna hold him