Boyfriend falls asleep everytime when we hang out. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years and living together for about a year. Recently, he's developed a habit of falling asleep whenever we spend time together in the evenings, which is starting to frustrate me. During the week, he stays up late, around midnight or 1 am, while I go to bed earlier for work. However, on Fridays or Saturdays when I stay up later, he often falls asleep by 9:30 pm, sometimes even earlier.
We usually go out for dinner, drinks, and a walk before heading home to watch TV, but he almost always falls asleep while we're watching something. He denies falling asleep, even getting annoyed when I mention it, but it happens every weekend. I've even taken videos to prove it, as he denies it ever happened. It's especially frustrating because it makes me feel like he's bored with me, and I could be spending my time elsewhere.
It recently happened on my birthday, which upset me. This has become a recurring issue, leading to arguments, and I don't know how to address it since he refuses to acknowledge it's a problem, even though it keeps happening. what should I do?

[OlderAndWiser]

"Dear, what is it you want from our relationship?" He answers - most likely companionship, love, and sex - and then you ask if he is getting what he wants.

Then you tell him what you want and you finish by asking, "Are you curious about whether I feel satisfied?" Of course he says "yes," and then you explain hos you are feeling frustrated and cheated.

"In a good relationship, dear, when couples have problems, they talk about them - like we are doing now - and then they agree on a plan to address the problem. So, do you want to address this problem and make a plan for fixing it, or do you want to ignore it? Your response is very important because I am not prepared to spend the rest of my life in a relationship that feels so one-sided and makes me feel cheated. And what is most important is not what you say tonight, but whether you actually do anything to solve the problem in the coming days and weeks."

Perhaps this will get his attention, but you must also be prepared for the possibility that he won't. This is a test, the writing on the wall, the warning sign, and you may need to accept the fact that despite your feelings for him, he is not The One for you.

[Serkee]

When I'm with family, I tend to get really sleepy when I'm not actively up and doing something. I don't know why, it's like a switch flips in my brain as soon as I sit down on the couch at my parents' place or something. All the alertness and and anxiety just disappear, any tension leaves my body, and I almost immediately fall asleep. Maybe it's something like that, and he's become totally comfortable with you. He's home, safe, with someone he loves on a comfy couch, and finally able to let his guard down after a long day. Times like that are when the week's exhaustion finally catches up to you and you just crash and sleep like a baby. If I had to guess, when he's alone with you he subconsciously knows he doesn't have to stay alert anymore, and his lizard brain decides that means it's safe to fall asleep.

[PeachyPie93]

My ex was the same way. Thing I started doing so he wanted to spend time together, is spending less time with him. If he is downstairs watching TV hangout upstairs or go out. You will feel better mentally when you are not feeling lonely with someone that you wished wanted to spend time with you. If he actually loves you he will start missing you and actually put effort into your time together and if he doesn't well then end it and find someone who actually cares about you.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Well denial of the problem is a problem. But also it does say something about you. When I first met my wife I would fall asleep whenever I laid down with her. The same is true about my cat. She would fall asleep whenever she laid in my lap. It means that in your company they feel safe, protected and at ease. It’s not that you are boring, it’s that you are a safe environment to let down their guard. It’s trust.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic snooze fest during quality time, huh? My aim here is to bring some light into the sleepy situation you've found yourself in. First off, it's essential to understand that falling asleep might not be a sign of boredom, but rather, it’s his body screaming for some z’s after a week of burning the midnight oil. Given your frustration, especially after the birthday snooze incident (ouch!), it's clear we need to navigate this with a mix of love, understanding, and a sprinkle of strategy.

First, try to express your feelings without making him feel like he’s on trial for napping crimes. Let him know it's not about the act of falling asleep but how it makes you feel disconnected and undervalued. Communication is sexy and key!

Since he's up late during the week, his weekend sleep pattern is playing catch-up. Why not suggest adjusting both of your weekday evening routines for more sync-up in sleep schedules? Or plan activities earlier in the evening when he's less likely to doze off?

Finally, if all fails, a little humor goes a long way. Maybe joke about setting up a cozy bed as your next date spot so at least if he naps, you're both comfy and in theme! Remember, it's about finding a balance that works for both of you while keeping the spark—and consciousness—alive!

[AviatorTom]

Let him sleep. If you've put up with him for 3 years, there must be other things that you like about him.

Since it's the weekend you're complaining about, why not schedule the things you do together earlier in the day so he's awake for you, and can still fall asleep when he wants.

[molonski2]

Yeah , just wake him up when she wants a good boonting.. poor guy , wholly sht.

[Account]

This might be a completely naive take, but what if he actually feels relaxed enough to do that around you? What if he feels you are a safe spot for him to sleep?
When you addressed the issue to him, what did he tell you?

[Staximus]

Watching tv makes some people fall asleep, especially after dinner and drinks. If he sleeps with the tv on then it will put him to sleep, too. It's not a big deal if he falls asleep when watching tv just because it happens when you're time together. You're overthinking stupid shit and putting way too much mustard on the hot dog. You're creating problems when there is none.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Reading your description, I don't sense you displaying much feelings for him, maybe it's the way you write? I don't know. The weariness is pretty obvious so... I would ask what you feel for him?

[rosemilk]

you may have to accept this or change the activities. you are eating dinner, drinking, and exercising (walk). anyone would fall asleep after all that. enjoy the time you do have at dinner and on walks.

[molonski2]

Poor guy is exhausted , and it sounds like me when I was his age , he has a lot going on.. Sabai Sabai , relax , means jack.

[luvstoned4him]

I guess it's a matter of conflicting schedules. You mentioned you both have different shift times and sleep times. So that's probably it

[Iron_Man]

Maybe it’s a lack of exercise and he gets more sleepy. Maybe he’s not getting enough sleep at night ask him to fix the problem. Make plans where you go out and do something so he has no choice but to stay awake.

[_Senorita_]

This means he finds peace with you... he might be comfortable with you... think optimistic..

[Becky316]

He feels comfortable with you. You are his comfort. When you're not around, he's not able to relax. Girl take the compliment.

[exitseven]

You should use some form of negative reinforcement to keep him awake.

[jahaims]

It's crazy to be mad at someone for going to sleep at 9:30 lol

[Anonymous]

It could be boredom, it could be underlying health issues.

[In_Trance]

Maybe it's time to take a night off and go to sleep

[Cheerfull009]

He is fed up from , don't like to hangup with you ,

[Open-minded99]

Talk to him and find out why

[bytes]

He could have hypersomnia

[bytes]

I have hypersomnia and fall asleep when they don’t medicate me to keep me awake! He should get tested!

[Alex-Snow]

Does sex keep him awake?

[Anonymous]

Probably tired. F*ck b4 the walk.

[Anonymous]

Go Find someone else who has more energy 🙄