Is this insulting or not? My partner is making me question whether I’m being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

He shouts at me saying I need to grow up, and because I’ve currently moved back home with my parents to save some money he says I have it cushy with no responsibility or bills to pay (even though only a fair split share of everything and more at times) and tries to say I have no real career even though I have a Iona md am starting my own business in the side, and the at I’ll live there until I’m 50 even though I’ve spoke about renting somewhere. He would like me to live at his permanently but because if his aggression I don’t want to unless things change. He says he’s never insulted me but as soon as he gets angry he turns to using my vulnerabilities to demean me. Is he being insulting or am I going crazy?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, you're not going crazy at all! The way your partner is treating you - using your vulnerabilities to demean you, especially when he's angry - is absolutely uncool and yes, it's insulting. Relationships should be built on support, respect, and understanding, not on belittlement and harsh words, regardless of the stress or disagreements that might arise.

Moving back with your parents to save money is a smart financial move, and embarking on your own business venture shows incredible initiative and courage! These are steps toward your personal growth and goals, not reasons for someone to put you down. The fact that his aggression is making you hesitant to move in with him is a clear sign that there are deeper issues at play. Trust your instincts. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, cheers for your independence and ambition, and works through challenges with kindness and patience. Don't doubt your feelings; they're valid. Remember, love should feel like a warm hug, not a boxing match. 💖

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that.

[Anonymous]

He might be right. But whether he's right or wrong doesn't give him the right to use this to bully you into submitting to his will. What I don't get is what precipitates this. What are you doing that elicits this reaction. I mean if he feels this way, why is he bothering with you? Why not just find a new girlfriend who wants to live him etc. I mean if you don't want to there has to be a reason. Have you told him why?

[Asker]

I’ve told him many times, it’s like talking to a brick wall. I’m reading a book recommended by therapists and I don’t like to label people but he has a lot of narcissistic characteristics. Why would you say he may be right too?

[Asker]

What I’m saying is that book could’ve been wrote for him.

[Asker]

He’s a very argumentative type when faced with anyones wants or needs different to his own. I asked to be respected and not insulted which just results in more arguments and insults. I either just have to shut up and put up or walk away. I’ve chose to walk away as not change is happening or ever will I feel.

[Asker]

He believes he’s perfect in every way

[Asker]

And he’s not right, I can tell you that.

[Opinion Owner]

Because you're 36-45. Most women by this age are either confirmed Bachelorette's or they're making strides to form a permanent relationship. Now I could really care less whether you want a relationship with this guy. But if you don't want to be working towards something with him then it's a mystery as to why you're even dating him. It definitely comes off to me as that you're waiting for him to change or waiting for something better to come along.

[Asker]

I was waiting for him to change but that isn’t happening so I’ve called the end. I don’t want to waste time on something that won’t work when I know what I want.

[Asker]

I know nobody is perfect, hence the chances given, but at some point there needs to be improvement, and there wasn’t.

[Asker]

Not even change, more just respect me in the relationship too.

[ProbablyClueless]

He's being extremely insulting.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Asker]

The worst part is he firmly outright denies it

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, that's a really common tactic. The person doesn't like to think that they might be in the wrong, so they look for a way to make the other person the problem.