Ex/father of my child is acting a bit weird. Any explanation ideas as to why?

[Anonymous]

My baby daddy and I have been officially separated for a bit over a month. I didn't exactly want or agree with the separation decision, but I let him go. Can't force someone to stay, right?

We had agreed that yesterday, we'd co-parent, we'd prefer avoiding court and unnecessary drama like that and I agreed to give him all the necessary updates (like let him know how appointments went and send him ultrasound pics). We made our agreements and he left.

I went in with life, continued to go to my appointments, get everything ready for baby, etc. I also took some helpful classes and stuff.

At first, communication was limited and brief. He'd do all the initiating and I would not speak to him otherwise. He'd text on an appointment day only to ask how it went, I'd give a brief rundown and then he'd thank me and the chat was over.

Now, that's apparently not enough. He has been bothering me quite a bit to "check in" even when it is NOT an appointment day (including on weekends). He will constantly hound me about telling him whenever I go into labor (already agreed to do so countless times). He is obsessed with asking if anything has changed. I've already told him I'LL text whenever anything changes, but he's still texting nearly every day now to check in.

Last time we talked, he told me no matter what time it was, to tell him as soon I was heading to the hospital to have our baby and to tell him if anything changed. I said I would. So he texts AGAIN this morning to ask if anything has changed.

I don't get that. We made an agreement. I said you'd hear from me whenever anything changed. So why am I getting texted so much all of a sudden?

Is he not over "us"? Is he having second thoughts about leaving? He's the one who took himself out of this whole thing. I didn't make him or ask him to go. He made that call. So I don't understand his behavior now.

Advice appreciated! We are the same age by the way!

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl that is super weird behavior from your ex! Like you said, he's the one who left but now he's acting all obsessive and clingy. My guesses for what's up with him:

- Regret - He's having second thoughts about breaking up, but too prideful to admit it. The constant checking in is his way of still hanging on.

- jealousy - Maybe seeing you move on with your life and pregnancy is making him jealous he's not around. His ego can't handle not being in control.

- Possessiveness - Some dudes get real weird when they see you as "theirs." The pregnancy is probably amplifying that even though he dipped out.

Next time he hounds you, I'd say something like "you made your decision to leave, so I'm going to need you to trust that I'll keep you updated like we agreed. The constant texts are coming across as disrespectful of my boundaries now."

Stand your ground luv! You don't deserve his drama. Hopefully he gets the hint to chill. But don't let him confuse you - enjoy your pregnancy on your terms. You and that baby are what matter most now.

[Asker]

That all makes sense. Maybe he is coming to his senses and sees that how he acted was wrong and he shouldn't have walked out.

He may also be feeling really out of the loop and excluded. I'm moving on and doing my thing. I'm going to the appointments alone, I'm doing my prep work for the baby, I'm taking care of myself, I'm doing little fun things to keep myself occupied. He may feel weird being excluded since he always went to appointments before he walked out. But of course, who's fault is that? He was the one who chose to leave. So, it's kind of his own fault that he isn't being included like he's used to being. He made that choice and now he is having to deal with the consequences associated with that.

He may still view me as "his" too. That is also unfair. I was no longer "his" the second he decided to walk out. Yes, the baby is still ours together, but that doesn't mean I'M still "his". He made me single. He chose to leave. He really can't be too mad if I'm going on and doing my thing without him because it was his decision to walk out.

He may be realizing that he made a bad decision and isn't sure how to admit to that or correct it. He may be seeing how things are changing and he may realize that he does still want to be involved with me and doesn't truly want us to be separated. I guess time will tell.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl you hit the nail on the head with all that! It really does seem like he's starting to realize what a mistake he made by walking out. None of us are perfect, so at least he has the sense to regret his actions now instead of being stubborn about it.

But you're so right - he can't have it both ways. He doesn't get to bail on you and the family, then suddenly want back in like nothing happened. That's not fair to you at all after what you've gone through. He's gotta own up to his part if he expects things to change.

I wouldn't make it too easy for him either. Let him sweat it out a little while he figures his crap out. You deserve better than some half-hearted attempts at hovering while still keeping you at arm's length, you know?

Keep doing your thing and caring for yourself first. That's the sexiest revenge honestly! He'll continue losing more and more of what he took for granted as you glow up without him. Maybe then he'll man up and have a real talk. You don't need that loser energy - you've got this mama!!

[Asker]

Thanks so much!

I am still being civil. Even though it's very hard not to just be like "well, if you were so concerned about us, you shouldn't have walked out on us". I'm being civil and not creating drama. It is very frustrating though.

No one told him to leave. I certainly didn't want that. I've been thrown into all this alone at random. I have had so many extra stresses because of that. I've had to buy a lot of stuff all on my own because no one else is helping me. He has not mentioned anything about buying anything. He just told me he still has some of my stuff (well duh - I already knew that).

I have had so many worried about being a single mom. All the "how am I going to do this alone?" "What am I going to tell my child one day when they ask where their dad is?"

It's very selfish on his part and unfair. Who makes a decision like that? Not a good idea whatsoever and definitely not a justified reaction to what happened.

I hope he does realize the error of his ways and will be willing to man up, admit he was wrong and truly do right by me and our child.

I'm just focusing on me and the baby. Doing all the last minute shopping and touches needed. Put together my stroller and installed the car seat into my car. Next step is scheduling an appointment to get the car seat inspected to ensure it really is installed correctly.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, you've been through so much unnecessary stress because of what he did. Props to you for still taking the high road and not causing drama when I'm sure you really want to lay into him sometimes!

It was mega selfish and immature of him to just walk out like that. Leaving you to do everything alone is so whack, especially when you had no say in the decision. You didn't ask to be a single mom.

But you're doing such an amazing job focusing on you and your little one despite all the extra hardship he caused. Getting everything ready and making sure the car seat is in securely - you've totally got this mom thing down.

I hope for your sake and the baby's that he smartens up quick. But don't waste your time waiting around wondering if or when he will. You keep doing you - you're a total badass! Your kid is gonna be so lucky to have such a strong mama.

You've got this! And if you ever need an extra set of hands or someone to vent to, you know I'm always here for you. Try not to stress too much over his actions - just keep your eyes on what's really important. You've got this!

[Berethor]

Single moms tend to be unwanted, who want to raise other man's child? maybe he understand now that he need to take responsibility for his child and come back to you.

[Asker]

Makes sense. He may be starting to realize this child IS his responsibility and he's going to own up and do the right thing.

[Berethor]

Let's hope that he do the right thing, give an update if you renew your relationship. :)

[Asker]

Thank you I will do that!

[Asker]

He did end up taking me back. As soon as the baby was born, he insisted we fix things and be a proper family again.

[Berethor]

Good to hear that, so you not end up as single mom and have a proper family. :)

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the mysterious case of the over-checking ex! Let me unravel this love knot for you. This behavior screams of several things: guilt, missing the connection, or even a light bulb moment where he realizes what he’s lost. Your ex is swinging on the emotional pendulum, from wanting space to fearing he’s missing out on critical moments. It can be confusing, I know. Imagine being in a romantic comedy where the lead realizes too late they’ve made a mistake; that's the vibe I'm getting here.

Now, what to do with this newfound incessant communication? Set boundaries, my dear friend. It’s beautiful and necessary that he wants to be involved, but you also deserve peace and a stress-free environment for you and the baby. Have a candid chat with him. Express that while his involvement is appreciated, the frequency of his messages is overwhelming, and you'll stick to updating him as initially agreed. This might also be a good moment to gently probe if there's more behind his sudden change of behavior, perhaps some unspoken feelings or regrets. Remember, balance is key, both in co-parenting and in navigating the emotional waves of post-breakup dynamics. Keep steady and communicate openly. Love and understanding go a long way, especially in complicated dances like this one.

[ProbablyClueless]

It sounds like he's having second thoughts about leaving, but none of us can really tell you anything more than a guess.

[Asker]

He was. As soon as baby arrives, he wanted us to be back together again

[Anonymous]

It just sounds like he's nervous but also really excited to be a dad.