Absent father affect on my child?

[Amri997]

Hello,

This may sound wrong, but when I got pregnant, the man I had sex with decided that he will not be involved in my child's life. I mean it's your decision, what you want to do

And I continued with the pregnancy, even though he and some woman has been seeing told me to have an abortion... I didn't listen to them

So I ended up giving birth nine months later to baby boy. My son is now over 13 months and the father has never seen him and doesn't want to do anything with him. The last thing he said was he doesn't care, whether "it dies".

The woman that pressured me to have an abortion, had another child with, a son last week. She's 20 and I'm 29
The father is 32

I live alone with my child, we live in a nice place and my own family, including my mum and my siblings love my child to bits.

So obviously my child will never have a father, but will this have any impact on his life? I've heard stories of how children without fathers are getting involved in drugs being school dropouts etc

I'll try to raise my child, the best I can, my family members, including my sister is very successful. However, with this actually have an impact on him, especially when he sees of a children with both parents?

Updates

10 mo

Edit: at high school, I've seen kids that drop out of school and involved in drugs including teenage girls you've got pregnant, they all had fathers, so they had both parents.

I do agree that it will be emotional for my child, but how bad will actually be?

The way I see it is if I never had a father myself, I think I still would've turned out the way I am?

Updates

10 mo

In high school, the girls that got pregnant in their teens, they had both parents and I used to get jealous when I used to see their fathers pick them up from school and they were young as well. My father was very old as he married my mum as a second wife back in the days.

So this rubbish with teenage girls getting pregnant tend to be fatherless is a load of crap

[lightbulb27]

It does, it means... given it's a boy, you will have to "up your game" in terms of training and discipline as the child gets older. Right now, the child is absorbing everything. Part of this is personality and how the child receives what you say. What's important is the child is loved. That's a hard message to deliver that there is no daddy. Maybe your father takes some of the role or grandparent as father figure.

They can turn out ok with love and support from various sources, but I suspect there is always a void. Much you can learn about child development and training. It is not easy.

Lance Armstrong didn't have a father... he was very successful... but screwed up emotionally. There's many others.

You could always find a step father, which I am. Maybe.

I'd be thinking about how to secure his future.

Maybe you could go on speaking tours and youtube to "whack other people in the heads" so they don't repeat bad decisions.

[Amri997]

Stepfather - does it help?

[Amri997]

I plan to look for a partner in a few years... does stepfather help? I mean, I know it's not biological but having another adult a male can help

I know that if I never had my biological mother involved in my life and had a stepmother, I can probably talk to her about personal things. She could've taken the role as a mother.

[lightbulb27]

Our kids have their father, so I cannot compare to that. I know of a family where the father was an addict and left and it messed up the kids, but their step dad came in (their mom is solid as is their family) and it helped immensely. There's no replacing daddy, but they can bond with someone else.
But in general, yes. I know guy whom adopted kid (wiht his wife).. that be closest to compare, and very successful child. Did he hurt anyway, probably.
I think there is no way around the issue of "where is my daddy"... why he leave, why he not want me, why rejected me. Kids personalize things and it can warp their view of themsleves. So learning proper communication for the appropriate age is essential. you need to think before you say much to them. This... you may seek help for from people better educated on it than me.
But yes, if the child has someone whom loves them who takes the father role, discipline, encourage, time with, support, ... yes.. help a lot. These kids you see whom fail, they have garbage environments and lack of parents. a lot of it may be the personality of the child as well, how they interpret things, so pay attention to that.

you'll be ok.. lets hope and pray, sounds like you have support of family.
Definitely start working on the childs financial security as well, start now.

no way to turn off those hormones that make more offspring, but I hope you've learned from this and can "start fresh" building a new you and life on good foundation. Better for all.

@midnightmoon05

[Jadebamboo]

First of all, best of luck. It is not going to be easy, and it is going to be a long process. Second, try to get him involved with local groups that offer role models that you would find suitable. If you won't introduce them to him as a child, he will find them on his own. (Might as well do the filtering yourself then right?)

[Jadebamboo]

If you trust your brother in law, or father have them take the kid out 1 on 1 for things too. Fishing, porch sitting, home depoting, bowling, boxing, basketball, etc. Whatever your father or brother in law likes, ask them if it would be okay if he tags along. I would be surprised if they say no.

[Amri997]

My brother loves my child to bits too...

[Anonymous]

Chances are high that it will have a negative impact on his life.

https://blueridgecounseling.org/the-effects-of-fatherlessness-on-children/#:~:text=Children%20who%20live%20absent%20their,biological%20(or%20adoptive)%20parents.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are seriously asking if having a father makes one iota of difference for the growth and development of a boy? Is that your question?

[Amri997]

Yes. Online, it says fatherless children tend to be school dropouts, commit more crime and be in prison

[OlderAndWiser]

You shouldn’t need studies online to inform you that children need a father.

[aceleon]

he doesn't care if ''it'' dies? can i get this mutt's adress? i want to sent him straight to hell by eating him alive.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry if this is harsh, but why did you have a child with a man who you weren't confident would be a good father to him?

[Amri997]

Mistake and i was deluded

[CubaPirate]

Nah unfortunately being a single parent is pretty normally these days

[In_Trance]

This will have a lifelong negative impact