Since he didn't continue fighting for her after she returned did she make the right decision when she broke her engagement to go a girls' trip?

[Kelley1]

She broke her engagement to go on a girl's trip to Hawaii. Then she blocked him until she returned. She looked for him, expecting him to be there and fight for her when she returned.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I don't get the whole "testing" thing. It reminds me of something a middle schooler would do. Basically, someone feels insecure about the relationship. Rather than evaluating whether the circumstances justify those insecurities and addressing the concerns directly, they do stuff like this. It's so weird to me.

[Caroline91]

You don't "test" someone like that. That is game playing and manipulative. Yes, you want him to fight for you, under real circumstances when needed, but never under manufactured circumstances like that. That's unconscionable and no self-respecting man needs to tolerate that kind of behavior.

[blueonblack22]

Although she was completely in the wrong to sh*t test him like this I’ve also seen theories that the majority of women do this to men (often subconsciously) to one extent or another. I’ve seen women flat out admit to it.

It used to be a man had to stay firm when tested like this and be ready to walk. Typically he would then “pass” her sh*t test because she respects him more as centered and grounded. She would then test him less in the future and her “tests” would be easier to pass.

But in recent years there is another loop being thrown into this. Some (modern) women will sh*t test, the guy will stay firm and she leaves to protect her ego despite knowing damn well she was in the wrong. She won’t take accountability and rather self sabotage the relationship.

Not saying you are like this at all @Caroline91 but I’ve been seeing this from my own observations and experiences in recent times. Very bad for both men and women.

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 But here's the thing about most of these kinds of questions... with very few exceptions, the argument could be made that the "other side" does the same thing. So, unsurprisingly... lol... I'm going to say that men test women in these ways, too, and it is wrong and toxic for the relationship no matter who does it. Period. I'm just tired of this false dichotomy that men an women are on opposite sides of everything. If you're working as a team, there is only one side.

[blueonblack22]

Well there was a time in history women had to be more choosy and picky with men because it impacted their very livelihood and survival. So there can be evolutionary reasons for this (not that it makes it right or fair in modern times).

Of course I think sh*t testing is bullshit but I believe it is more biological for women than it is for men. Men do it too but usually it’s in response to a red flag (e. g. she casually admitted to cheating on past partners). Most guys don’t enjoy creating drama for the sake of creating drama.

Anyway I know you are definitely one of the more level headed women on GAG @Caroline91 which is awesome. And your right there it should be about team work.

But many women us guys have encountered don’t put the mental effort into thinking what’s fair nor think about the long term ramifications of sh*t testing bs. They only think about their “feelings” in the exact moment. Not all but a lot.

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 Why "Thank you!" she said with a curtsey.

[blueonblack22]

Np. We can go deeper on this one if you want or leave it with a positive thought. Either way is fine with me. Happy Friday 👍

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 Where would you take it further?

[blueonblack22]

I think we are good on this one. Hope you enjoy your Friday!

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 You, too... and the rest of the weekend! 😊

[blueonblack22]

It’s a shit test and she expected him to read her mind. This is so atypical.

That doesn’t mean I am letting him off the hook if he wasn’t pulling his weight. But it sounds like he was on the fence and her “test” backfired. The fault is more on her side then his on this one. She did a poor job communicating.

[razelove]

No, he should have simped for her forgiveness and.. Of course he's in the right, that is stressful and makes you wonder if they have someone on the side. Those doubts are very difficult to let go of.

Like Elsa says, let it go. Or in this case let her go.

[blueonblack22]

Ironically if he’s tough enough to walk she will likely respect him more in the long run.

But TBH I am seeing more reverse psychology of reverse psychology lately. Societal pressure is making women literally demand and expect simps nowadays and cry victim if they don’t comply.

[razelove]

@blueonblack22 100% I agree, she gave him a shit test to try and see where the boundary was, then didn't like what she got. I'd be willing to bet money that it was no game or tic toc trend either, she was "taking a break" to go crowd surfing on a sea of dick with her friends.

That is not something you do in an exclusive relationship. Like I would expect a woman to be highly suspicious or outright hostile towards me if I was taking a "guy's trip" to vegas or miami with no legitimate reason besides getting wasted. Hell, even to like Oklahoma City, why can't I bring my girl unless I've got something to hide, it's a bachelor party, or it's business?

[blueonblack22]

Yep. Still though I am theorizing there is this reverse of reverse psychology.

Only 10+ years ago this guy would have passed the sh*t test if he stood his ground. She would either grown more attracted to him OR she would leave because she’s delusional.

But there is a recent trend where modern women will literally second guess the respect they feel for a man that stands firm to a sh*t test. Like they are “giving into patriarchy” or some bs despite being in the wrong to begin with.

It was hard enough for men to train themselves to stay strong when sh*t tested. But they do stay strong and the women leaves out of a deranged feeling of ego and “female empowerment” despite being completely wrong to sh*t test to begin with.

Dunno if you are following me here. But I have drawn the line on a few women in last few years. 10+ years ago they would usually circle back. But nowadays they rather protect their egos and leave.

Everybody loses in the long run with this bs. But I’ve seen more of it happening nowadays. Women are completely being defiant/stubborn even they know they were completely in the wrong to begin with.

[razelove]

@blueonblack22 I follow, I just don't think a woman who buys into that is worth the time. Like I saw someone else comment that men and women are supposed to work together in a relationship and I agree. The mentality you're talking about is one for when you're single, like ignoring the girl getting beat or something because it's probably her pimp.

That logic flies out the window when you're in aa relationship. If it doesn't get out.

[blueonblack22]

Yeah I’ve just noticed a major (and horrifying) cultural shift in this. In the last 5 years I’ve stood my ground in the early stages of dating with three different women and they all walked. Never heard back from them again. They rather cling on to their egos and pride despite damn well knowing they were in the wrong. Again I don’t remember it being this way 10+ years ago. Back then at least 3 out of 4 women would circle back if I “passed” their shit test.

It’s like modern society is telling men “you can either be a simp or perpetually single”. So not surprisingly you are seeing an upsurge in simp cultural. This is actually making women miserable as well but they won’t admit it because they place social/zeitgeist optics above all else.

[razelove]

I could see that being both social media and their age.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of love, aren't we? Well, sweetheart, breaking off an engagement to have some fun in the sun with the girls is tantamount to sending your love ship into the heart of a hurricane. 😬 It's a move that says, "I'm not quite sure," louder than a megaphone at a pep rally. And oh, the block—now that's the cherry on top of a "let's create drama" sundae.

When our girl returned, expecting her man to be waiting with open arms and maybe even a serenade, she found herself met with the cold shoulder instead. Can we blame him? Not really. Love needs to be nurtured, not put on pause for a piña colada.

So, did she make the right decision? If freedom and self-exploration were what she thirsted for, perhaps. But in terms of relationship dynamics, it's more of a learning lesson about communication, priorities, and understanding the difference between loving someone and love-bombing them with surprises they didn't sign up for. Love, like a fine wine, needs to breathe, but it also needs to be kept in the right conditions. 🍷💔

[HighValue]

Girls trip almost always means cheating.

Any good man shouldn't fight for a woman. If she makes bad decisions like that, leave her and never take her back.

[bluesparrow]

That's how to handle that.

[RavVid]

I think HE made the right decision. Obviously if she made the decision to go on a dirty girls trip away he should let her walk away.

[DJB72]

NEVER make someone tell you that you're not good enough twice.

If you break it off so you can go on a trip, don't expect a guy to be there to fight to win you when you get back.

[ProbablyClueless]

Uh... no. I'd say that guy dodged a cannon ball of a bullet though.

[MicahRaine]

When you play stupid games you win stupid prizes 🤣🙂‍↕️🫡

[Surely]

Don’t say or expect anything that you will regret! Don’t blame the guy one bit for what he did.

[Dongie]

She is very delusional as to what love actually is.

Not mention she's completely self-centered and fugly.

[Pohjolan]

She wouldn't have done this if she was actually interested so it was the right call for the wrong reasons.

Stated Vs revealed preference.

[msc545]

He did the right thing. Women that do shit tests like this aren't worth any effort at all. Good for him for taking care of himself.

[LiamJHayden]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Hopefully he found someone more mature and sane.

[noohair]

If you need to test a guy, he might fail. I hate the testing crap.

[Zenpanda]

She is delusional 😂
Dude dodged a bullet

[BoobMan]

Seems like a poor idea.

[MrGSpotHer]

I've not a clue what this means or why 🤨