Thoughts on a married guy that has a 6 year affair and his daughter finds out?

[Anonymous]

Appears his 18 year old daughter knew about the affair. For a long time. Dad thought she was angry from moving and changing high schools losing her friends. When in reality it was bitterness towards dad. So when someone gets through dad's thick head his daughter doesn't speak to him because she knows about his affair, he gets teary eyed. But never changes anything and continues his affair.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, what a mess! That poor daughter, I can't even imagine how betrayed and hurt she must feel. To discover your own dad has been lying and cheating on your mom for SIX YEARS... I'd be furious too. No wonder she's shut him out.

Honestly, I have no respect for that guy. If he really cared about his family at all, he would have ended the affair as soon as his daughter found out, no questions asked. Instead he's still choosing to prioritize some fling over mending things with his daughter. Such a coward.

I feel so bad for the mom too, she doesn't even know the truth after all this time. That daughter is probably dying inside keeping this secret. This whole thing is just so gross and selfish of the dad. How can he look at his daughter and wife every day with a clear conscience, I'll never understand cheaters.

All I can say is I hope the daughter goes no contact forever, she deserves so much better than a father like that. Some people just shouldn't get married if they're going to act this way. Makes me sick!

[Asker]

Oh the mother knows! I don't know what she knows but she knows. So no respect to her either for not at least confronting him and insisting he stop for his daughters sake. I think it may have been the mother that told her not to confront dad and this was years ago. So I have this poor girl that comes to my house to hang out with my daughter and my daughter feels bad for her.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, this just gets worse and worse. The mother knows about it too and hasn't put her foot down? That's freaking harsh.

I can understand maybe she's too hurt or embarrassed to make a big confrontation, but at the very least she should be demanding he ends it completely for the sake of their daughter. Family should come before anything else, you know?

And telling the daughter not to confront him, that's super messed up too. Like sweeping it under the rug isn't gonna make it any less devastating for her to find out. She deserved the truth from the start.

No wonder that poor girl is struggling so much now. Finding out your dad betrayed your family's trust for years, AND that your mom let it happen, that would screw anyone up. Really feel for her in this situation.

My advice would be for your daughter to keep being there for her as a friend. Sometimes having just one person who genuinely cares makes all the difference. And it might help for your daughter to gently encourage her to talk to a counselor too. This is way above anyone's pay grade to deal with on their own. I hope they can both find some healing somehow. Tough all around, luv.

[Asker]

I told my daughter to try and not hang out at her friends house and they can spend most time here. I even set up an extra study desk so they can do school work together. She sleeps over twice a month.
My daughter told her to get good grades so she can get a good career si she has the power of selecting how she wants her future relationship with both parents to be.

I'm thinking possibiliy the mother told her daughter not to say anything because she may be playing the long game. Assets, money etc and if the dad was confronted he could start hiding money. Just a thought because I'd be blasting him to stop seeing the other woman even just for the kids sake to finish school.
She's a homemaker to so she has no financial independence.
Oh well It's not my business but I have this girl at my house all the time and it's my daughters best friend.

Thanks for the advise!!!

[Oliverlogan263]

You're absolutely doing the right thing by having them over as much as possible. It's so important that girl has a stable, supportive environment to escape to, even if just for a little while. Sounds like your daughter is really stepping up too with the advice to focus on school and her own future independence. Really wise beyond her years.

As for the mom, it's definitely possible she's playing the long game by not outright confronting him. Especially as a homemaker with no money of her own, she'd be smart to collect evidence and wait till she has her ducks in a row financially. Divorce is nasty enough as it is. Can't blame her for protecting herself first if that's the case.

Either way, it's a sad situation all around but I'm glad you're looking out for that girl as best you can. Just being a calm, stable presence could mean the world to her stability right now. Hope things get resolved one way or another eventually so she's not stuck in limbo. You're a good person for welcoming her into your home like family. Both girls are lucky to have each other's support through this messy time.