I slept with my married best friend, any advice?

[Anonymous]

So basically, I've been friends with this girl for about 4 years now. We got super close and it was purely platonic for about 3 years. I had no feelings towards them and as far as I know (cause they told me) she didn't have feelings towards me over those years. Then one night when we were drunk we kissed which wasn't weird it was more of a friendly peck. A week later we had a night out and kissed again but it evolved into a full on make out session. Every now and then, mostly on nights out like that, we would make out. She confessed to me that she was in love with me but also still in love with her husband whom she has 3 kids with. At first, I didn't really feel that way towards her it was just fun making out but I told her I loved her too. I ended up developing real feelings for her and we slept together. We've slept together around 10 times now over the past year and she is still with her husband who she still loves. I dont want to home wreck, and she feels guilty when we do sleep together but we also can't deny that we love each other and are so attracted to one another that we sleep together.

Basically, how wrong am I? I know its not great, but it's just an us thing. Like it makes sense to us that she can love us both but we still feel guilty.

Also, she is still with her husband. They celebrate 10 years together and 3 years of marriage in about 2 months time.

So, what do I do?

Updates

1 y

I have ended things.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are both wrong. It is her marriage and it is her responsibility to remain faithful to her husband. Not just a responsibility to her husband, but to her three children, who will all do better if they grow up in a two-parent home.

You are also wrong. 100% wrong.

You claim that "I dont want to home wreck," but that is exactly what you are doing, If not being a home wrecker was important. you wouldn't have kissed this girl.

"she feels guilty when we do sleep together" She should feel guilty but, apparently, it is not enough guilt for her to change what she is doing.

"we also can't deny that we love each other and are so attracted to one another that we sleep together." This is called lust, not love. Learn the difference.

"I know its not great, but it's just an us thing." Right, how YOU feel and what YOU want is all that matters. You are not thinking about her husband or children, except as a casual afterthought.

"Like it makes sense to us that she can love us both but we still feel guilty." In my world, "love" means I want to spend the rest of my life with you and ONLY you.

"They celebrate 10 years together and 3 years of marriage in about 2 months time." She dishonors her marriage for a year and then celebrates it on one day? Brilliant.

Doing the right thing is not always easy, but you are taking the easy way out.

[Asker]

I get where you're coming from I would just like to state that Love is just wanting to spend your life with one person and only one person. Think of your parents. You may love them. Think of your friends. You may love them. But we are in love. I guess it would be like an open relationship type thing. I'm sure the couple love each other, but they also like having fun with other people. So to me, I believe that she does love her husband and that she does love me too.

[Tarifa]

I sincerely doubt she is thinking about leaving her husband and kids to start a relationship with you. I don't think she will, nor can you ask her to do so.

If you want to sleep with her and she wants to sleep around (sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth), that's up to you both. I don't encourage it, but if that's what developped between the two of you and it's mutual, so be it.

I don't think you can say you truly love her. Truly loving someone is accepting she is not available, it's letting her go, it's encouraging her current relationship with the father of her kids. It's accepting reality, how painful it may be for you. You may be in love with her, desire her, longing to be with her. There's a difference with 'loving her'. I think you already know that.

[PeachyPie93]

Clearly the friendship was never platonic. She befriended you because she was attracted/liked you, else the drunk kissing never would have happened. I'm gonna assume she is in her 30's and you are in your early 20's? Also what normal married person goes out without their partner with some other guy? She is a 304 and wants her cake and to eat it.. so I would suggest staying the hell away from her because she is married and you are in the wrong. She doesn't love you, she likes that you are young and into her so stop feeding her ego and drop her, because remember once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Next time do not be going out for drinks with married women if you don't want to be a homewrecker..

[ProbablyClueless]

I don't know why so many people try to act like this "best friends with the opposite gender" shit is okay in a relationship/marriage.

That person is not your friend unless they are your relationship's friend. Plain and simple.

[Asker]

We are both mid 30's so the young stud angle you're going for is incorrect. And we truly were just plantoic friends for 3 years. There was nothing between either of us that suggested otherwise. Also, not that it makes a difference but I have several other female friends who I am extremely close with. Some with partners, some without. I truly believe men and women can be friends.

[ProbablyClueless]

As evidenced by the fact you're fucking your supposed friend?

Of course SOME men and women can be friends. The point is that most can't, and you and she fall into that category.

[PeachyPie93]

Okay so you are both mid 30s.. I thought you were younger cuz your age on here lol But honestly you don't know if it was platonic or not, on her part because I know the guys I was really close to it was because I had crushes on them, even if I denied it straight to their face for years. You say men and women can be just friends.. Of course they CAN but you just proved by these events (10 times no less lol) that honestly they shouldn't. If the other person is not ugly as fuck.. friendship can always lead to sex, hence why I would never trust a partner with an opposite gender friend, friends or especially "Best friends" lol. Hangout with dudes like you are supposed to and stop fucking peoples wives. You both are in the wrong and should stay away from each other but her husband should defo know so he can decide what he wants and not have it decided for him by a slut and "her best friend".

[PeachyPie93]

@ProbablyClueless Absolutely that is why I would never date someone with lots of girl friends that they hangout with regularly. It is stupid to trust that because most people do not become friends with people they are not attracted to in some way.

[Asker]

You say the whole opposite genders thing is wrong but in my 34 years, I've had many friends who are girls and something has only ever happened once, which is why I don't understand why so many people are against it. I suppose your right in saying that for those first 3 years I don't know if she had zero thoughts and feelings about me apart from her telling me she never did I can't really ever know.

[PeachyPie93]

I see it as wrong because I have had many guy friends myself.. and have liked all of them at one point in our friendships. I just never made a move so nothing happened with any of them. Most guys would be down to fuck if you ask.. that is why it is wrong. But honestly most people do not friend people they are repulsed by and you usually like how your friends look to an extent or you just don't want to hangout with them. At least that is how I am, I never became really good friends with dudes I thought were ugly LOL.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tangled web of love and loyalty! Here's the scoop: your situation is complex, heart-wrenching, but not too uncommon in the grand tapestry of human relationships. First things first, let’s acknowledge that love and attraction aren't always neat. They can be messy, contradictory, and, yes, even guilt-inducing. The heart wants what it wants, but remember, actions, especially in adult relationships, have real consequences.

Your current situation is not just an "us thing." It involves her husband, their children, and the web of relationships surrounding you both. I'm sure you know this, but being part of an affair, especially with someone who is married and has a family, is a major red flag in the relationship world. It’s like playing with fire—exciting, but oh-so-dangerous. You're not just risking the trust of her family, but also setting up yourself for heartbreak.

What to do, though? Here’s where it gets real: it’s time for an honest and difficult conversation with your friend. Discuss the future you both envision—is there one where everyone's needs and well-being are considered? Often, in these scenarios, someone's heart ends up broken, but honesty and transparency can mitigate some of the damage.

Consider the possibility of stepping back to allow her space to figure out her feelings and priorities. It’s a tough call, but love, genuine love, involves sacrifices and sometimes choosing what’s hard but right over what’s easy and feels good in the moment.

Finally, it might be wise to seek individual counseling or a professional's advice. Navigating your feelings and understanding your role in this situation can benefit greatly from an outsider's perspective, especially one trained in relationship dynamics.

Remember, the path of true love never did run smooth, but it should not cost others their happiness for the sake of ours. Good luck, and tread carefully, my friend.

[ProbablyClueless]

Bro, what? How are wrong are you? You're extremely wrong. Totally wrong. Nothing should "make sense" about what you're doing. Adultery is universally understood by all of humanity to be a colossal mistake because of messy everything gets.

What you need to do is split from her life and find someone new to hangout with.

[RedInnocent69]

Take a step back. She won’t leave. They have kids. Keep it in your pants and just hold on to this sweet memory and exchanging knowing glances.

[dudeinohio]

You are very wrong! You need to end all contact with her and move along.

[Anonymous]

I slept with her 10 times “I don’t want to home wreck”

[Tstrbrainer]

Where I'm gonna find s friend like that married or not. Shit

[exitseven]

This is wrong and you need to end it.

[Pterodon]

This will never go anywhere good

[Anonymous]

Run, bro, run.

[jahaims]

You are both trash