Mom cheats on father and I don't know what to do. What should I do to save my family?

Question

I don't know what the hell is going on but I know that she cheats on him and he cheats on her for so many years now.

I hate the environment here and I don't think its a good thing if they get divorced, mom will be in trouble.

He doesn't know until now, I only know because I heard her talking about inappropriate things with the another man

What should I don to save my family

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well you are in a hard position because they both have to know that the other person knows already you would think.

I mean if I was in your shoes they're the only couple things that I would do I would either leave it alone and save as much money as you can and move out or

At first I would get each one of them alone and then ask them how long the doctor say you're going to have this affair with this guy or this girl

And then I would guilt Trip them.. when you had them alone or even together and say so I want to talk to you guys about something you are both teaching me that when I get into a relationship that it's normal to just cheat and f*** your spouse over is that what you're trying to teach me

And then you're also teaching me that it's okay to live with your significant other to protect yourself and the things that you're doing that you're not supposed to be doing and just name everything that is wrong but label it as them trying to teach you it because that's basically what they're doing

Or what they're saying to you they're saying they're that it's okay to do this and just guilt Trip didn't say this is who you want me to be in life right I just want to make sure I got everything down right

And this is how I'm supposed to love my boyfriend or my husband when we get together right this is what I do right soon as we get together I start having an affair I'm just trying to get things straight I just want to make sure I don't screw up everything that you're teaching me in life

But they're not going to stop no matter what you do but I would make them feel bad though maybe somewhere down the road they would think about it and get together the last person in the world they want to know is you or if you have any brothers and sisters so I would let it be known that you know and it pisses you off I mean it pisses you really off just for everything I said above.

But you do want to talk to them each individually if you're going to because if your dad doesn't know about your mom and I don't know if your mom works or not but if he started having his affair first I mean she needs something out of the deal if they get a divorce whatever fair is

And are you sure.. yeah I guess you are... are you sure you heard your mom right

she could have been talking about your dad maybe or no

you know never mind
you heard what you heard and you know what it is

I don't know

you can't save them
I know that much
you can try but be careful what you do because if they do decide to get a divorce

It means either they both work and they both have money or only your dad works and blah blah blah blah blah you know the rest of the story.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this cuz like I said I can feel your pain knowing that your parents two people that are supposed to love each other are f****** around with other people and I know how much that hurts I feel bad for you but you need to let them both know somehow that you know and you need to let them know exactly how it makes you feel and how disappointed and pissed off you are that's about the only thing that can save it if they care on how you feel

I was six when my stepdad was having an affair with the next door neighbor lady and my parents got divorced and that really hurt me so I know what you're going through and it sucks

Whats even worse is what they're teaching you
that's what really sucks do they think it's okay to teach you that it's okay to do that

exitseven · Accepted Answer

Sorry about this. My father cheated on my mother and I was the only one that knew about it. It was a hard secret to keep.
It is not your job to save the family. Your job is to live your life and get a good education and try to be happy. Your parents seem to have made their beds. You do not want to sleep in them.

Caroline91 · Accepted Answer

I so sorry you are experiencing this. It is so hard to see your family falling apart. I strongly suggest, first if you are able, get into counseling to help you cope with the situation. And, second, use this time to get the education/training you will need to have a good job/career so that you can truly be independent mentally, emotionally and financially.

The situation you are in is crazy making, believe me, I know exactly how difficult it really is. But, I also know you are capable of rising above it and making a good life for yourself as an adult. The key is to ACT instead of REACTING. Take rational steps that will move you forward in a positive direction rather than just reacting and bouncing around every which way. It can be hard to do, but if you can stay focused, make a plan, and stick to it, you really can do it.

Remember, you can't fix this... only your parents can. But you CAN fix things for yourself so that you live a decent, happy life. I got out of the unstable situation I was in at 18, never doubting that both my parents loved me and their problems were with each other, but knowing that I had to take my life into my own hands bc they were too absorbed with other things. Therapy and focus are the keys to your success. I wish you all the luck in the world. You will be okay.

XHopelessRomanticX · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately there isn’t really much that you can do. It’s your family, but it’s their marriage, and it is not the job of the children to hold together the marriage. Some people have suggested praying, or encouraging them to go to church and I think that would be a good place to start.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh wow, that's such a tough situation! My aim here on Girls Ask Guys is to lend an ear and give heartwarming advice. 😉 Relationships can be like a rollercoaster, and by the sound of it, you're stuck in one wild ride. It's crucial to protect your mental and emotional health. Communication is key – maybe talk to someone you trust about what you're going through. And remember, you're not responsible for the actions of your parents. Stay strong and take care of yourself amidst all this drama. 💖

2

Anonymous · Answer

I’d hard is it is you can’t get involved especially given both sides are guilty and you are also a legal adult. Definitely get profesional advice though.

Although I don’t know for certain but I am strongly suspicious my mom did this years ago. I am absolutely furious at her but not for the incident in itself but for her gross hypocrisy.

She always played the condescending moral “exemplar”. Always accusing my dad of doing this (with zero proof). Always harshly criticizing my brother and I and assuming the worst about us. Also demanding to be “respected” JUST because she is my mother.

I am not going to ever pry or ever accuse her of anything though. But I got a strong gut feeling thorough. My dad once said to her during an argument ”just keep it up Allison and I will embarrass you front of the kids”. She then uncharacteristically backed down, immediately got quiet and had a look of extreme fear in her face. I can think of only thing that my dad could say that could make her act that way.

But even if what I fear is true if still won’t change the fact she’s my mother.

lightbulb27 · Answer

this is a mess years in the making, question is if can be unraveled and peace resumed.

Go to church, ask for prayer, try to get them engaged in church... so that they listen to some moral standards they started with, figure out root causes of issues and maybe someone willing to make the changes necessary to repair the relationship.

It's a long shot. I've seen this going on in church I go to and it's sad the kids are only ones there... but at least they are getting some emotional support from the storm. I've seen adults in church admit to adultery and work on themselves and get to the other side of it, saving the family. That's more rare.

RavVid · Answer

While you are 18, you are still the child in this and it appears it started whilst you were still a child.

In short I don't think you can do anything and i think you need to let go of the idea you can get do something. If they both cheat on each other I suppose it is possible they decided to have an open marriage. That might have been a direct agreement or indirect as in turning a blind eye.

I think more the question for you is whether you confront them with this knowledge or not. Or you confront one of them eg your mom.

What evidence do you have your dad is cheating?

bolverk · Answer

Do not think your Father is oblivious to what you Mother is doing and vice versa, then the odds are they have condoning each others actions for a very long time and they think its acceptable. As for 'saving your family' they are probably happy with the Status Quo, and have not seen how much it is affecting you, the best you can do is leave as soon as you can and live your own life, you are not the only one who has/is going through this kind of situation, the only good thing here from what you've said is neither of them have brought their Affair Partners back home while you've been there, there have been children who have been through that situation and it really screwed them up, if you watch the video below you'll see what I mean!

MicahRaine · Answer

My parents both cheated repeatedly. Neither of them ever caught each other. I never told either of them what was happening.

Fast forward a few years, and they're too old to even want sex. Now they have a good relationship.

Radiate143 · Answer

Stay put of your parents business.

If they try to rope you into assisting them cheating or try to have their affair partners arpund you, remove yourself and boycott them in that moment.

Only give positive reinforcement. Im so sorry you're in this predicament.

genericname85 · Answer

honestly, i think your mom and dads relationship is really none of your business. so i wouldn't interfere with that. however if i was in your position, i would definitely set my mom as a bad example for my life that i am striving to be better than.

Anonymous · Answer

some things can't be saved unfortunately

trust is like a glass window. once it has been broken, it's impossible to repair it again without replacing it

you're 18 right now. it's time you learn from the mistakes of your parents and do better in the next stage of your life

Billlewis · Answer

I know I'll probably take some heat for this, but my position on this is that most of the time, its best to remain silent when the woman is engaging in extracurricular sexual activity, whereas when the guy is cheating, it should be evaluated on a case by case basis. This is my opinion only.

Makeushiver · Answer

Sorry but I think any attempt of yours would only result in someone getting hurt more. A casual aside to your Mom might be helpful. I assume she doesn't confide in you. I wouldn't yell your father because he would be embarrassed at your knowing. As would your Mother probably but hinting, very subtlety, that you knowinq what's going on to Mom might make her think twice. I'm sorry, that must be very difficult for you.

LostandFound__x · Answer

Don’t get involved. That’s my advice. Focus on yourself and what your goals are. Live your life. Your parents are living theirs and this is how they’re choosing to spend it.

goaded · Answer

It's not your job to save their marriage. It's not your fault they're cheating on each other. For all you know they both know and accept it, they're not likely to tell you, are they? Let them deal with it themselves.

strateguy632 · Answer

Stay out of it. Saving the family means staying together despite problems. Not trying to change each other. Christians teach loyalty but nobody else has a reason for monogamy.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Get away from that insanity as soon as possible, find someone decent, and start your own, normal family when ready.

ManInChains · Answer

Tell your father and let him deal with it. He will probably have to get a divorce. It's better than the two staying together and it keep happening. If you don't want your father to live a miserable life with a woman who doesn't actually love him

jojouzumaki · Answer

I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. But it’s not yours… to mend, to save it and not you’re responsibility at all. Let them deal with that by telling them how it affects you.

Unit1 · Answer

There's nothing you can do. Your parents cheating on each other is really their business. You can't influence the outcome of your family but you can influence your life course.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry to say but if both parents are cheating on each other, especially for several years, I don't think there is anything you can do. I guess just hope that the divorce happens.

dudegreat91 · Answer

I don't think there is anything you can do. It is your parents business. They can be cheaters but still good parents to you. Maybe they have an understanding and in an open relationship of some sort

Flower7 · Answer

Since he's cheating on her as well, you should definitely stay out of it. They are both in the wrong so telling on them is not going to help anything.

Staximus · Answer

There's really nothing you can do, they have to do it themselves. It's out of your hands. Just try not to get involved or take sides, and take a step back from that situation.

rienna888 · Answer

They’re probably tired of eachother after long marriage and several kids. Talk with each of them and ask them why they’re doing it.

boggboss · Answer

U can't do anything its their marriage ur involvement won't save or help what seems to be beyond repair

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Nothing. They each probably know more than you think. It’s their issue with each other, not yours. You cannot fix it.

noohair · Answer

The only person you can change is yourself. Work on getting out of that situation. Save yourself.

jahaims · Answer

Both of your parents too immature for a healthy relationship. Just expect that and make your own life outside of them.

Twalli · Answer

Are they cheating? They may have an open marriage, but just don't mention sex with others to each other?

Drumlin2001 · Answer

You're an adult. Move out and leave them to sort it out.

zombiewoof · Answer

That is their business, not yours, and they may already know it, keep it to yourself. You may be in the same situation someday

kaucky1 · Answer

She cheats because of not being satisfied or mom tasted dick on father's mouth

Jennz6 · Answer

Not much you can do except pray 🙏

HelpfulWoman · Answer

you can't save a family that is broken already

MK1997 · Answer

Get evidence and tell your dad

Wise4myage · Answer

Find a way to tell him anonymously.

MasterKS · Answer

Just be away with their personal life!

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Be quite, don't interfere in their affairs

Mom cheats on father and I don't know what to do. What should I do to save my family?

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