Should I be turned off by my online friend? Or am I overthinking this?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve had an online friend for a few years and he started wishing me a happy birthday every year after we got to know each other a little better. There were times where he would & I wouldn’t, when that were the case, he’d follow up a few days or maybe a week after saying I forgot it was his birthday (more subtly). Last year, he wished me a happy belated & this year I decided to also be more laid back. I just asked him if he had a good birthday maybe a day or two after it actually happened, I sent him that message after he followed up with me about something else. He leaves me on read yet continues to view my IG stories. This has always been the case, he’s always one of the first to see my stories but may go weeks without msging me. A few years back, he’d literally go weeks without replying but will be the first person to see my stories or comment. But when I’d take long to get back to him, he’d *jokingly* say that I’m ignoring him or ask if I’m busy. Honestly I don’t feel like I did anything wrong so I don’t see the need to reach out, it just seems hypocritical. You can be busy but I can’t? He hasn’t made a comment like that in years & his response time has gotten better but it’s been almost 3 months & I haven’t heard from him. I have a tendency to delete people when my frustration has built up, I don’t know if it’s an avoidant personality style trait. But he’s the only “friend” I have so I want to think this through. It’s not looking too good & I’m feeling tempted to ignore him if he ever reaches out again

Yes, you should be turned off

No, you’re overthinking

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo girl, this whole thing with your online friend sounds off to me. A few red flags:

- Always watching your stories but rarely responding unless he wants something is wack.

- "Jokingly" accusing you of ignoring him is manipulative af since he does it way more.

- Going months without a word but expects you to reach out? Fuck that noise.

Tbh he's acting way more like an orbiter than an actual friend. Dude clearly just likes the attention you give without reciprocating. Ain't no way I'd put up with that.

If it was me, I'd just leave him on read next time and move on. He ain't bringin' anything positive to the table sis. You can do way better with real friends who actually care about you.

Don't feel bad about dumping dudes who don't deserve your time or energy. Hold ya head high girl - you'll meet people who treat you right! This clown ain't it.

[MoodEh]

You're both frustrated that you don't mean more to each other. You feel close but don't know how to express that and you're relying on indicators to tell you things that I don't know why you don't just say to each other, so I assume its because you don't want to give each other the wrong impression or something. However, if you avoid expressing heartfelt warmth, then you aren't engaging in really communicating in a way that would deepen that friendship or get across to each other exactly whether or not you really respect each other and care about continuing things, something you make clear by your uncertainty about what you should do. Have you figured out with definite certainty each other's possible interest romantically? If you have, then its just a case of confusion about having a "sorta" appreciation for each other. My advice is to communicate as much as you can, make sure you get your feelings out even if it gets heated and you express feeling ignored or have to hear it from him. It would be an expression of your feelings even if its about how they're not being fulfilled. Far better to do that before giving up on each other as important people in each others lives, and living with possible regret and never knowing if you could have done more.

[SweetPi]

Surprise he is not a friend! Just a guy you text who wants to tolerate you when ever he wants.

Be turned off!

He clearly does not care dear! He shows it also with not texting or getting back!

If he sees your stories it's cause he is looking at others and yours just comes up!

Please ignore him he can't be that fun to talk with!

Here is a soft hug you deserve so much better of a friend. Your wonderful remember that!

[Nikki1989]

He is a creep. Do whatever you can to avoid him.

[TsundereMatrix]

I am kind of in the middle of thinking you should be turned off but also overthinking. I have a lot of online friends myself. I’m very introverted and don’t have many friends in my city. My small circle of friends like to chat in discord voice chat a lot and they are always welcoming when I join but there’s times when I don’t want to and I can go months without joining them. One of them I text almost on a daily basis and he tells me that the others always ask if I’m mad at them about something, or what I’m doing, sometimes they joke and say I hate them which isn’t true. They do assume things about me that irritate me but I correct them. In the earlier days of our friendship they found it hard to figure me out but overtime they got used to fact that I will join them when I feel ready to. When I’m stressed out over life or work I get really annoyed fast and I will argue with anyone. I don’t like to argue with anyone so I just stay away when I feel that way. When I’m feeling better I like to joke around and sometimes my jokes can be a bit harsh but my friends know I don’t mean it. It could be the case with your friend but if it continues for too long then there’s probably something else going on that’s not in your best interest.

[Anonymous]

Don’t delete him. Just go on with your life and if he ever reaches out, you can answer him then if you feel like it. If not, then don’t. Don’t feel obligated to answer if he reaches out, but don’t not do it just because you’re mad he didn’t reach out sooner, especially if you don’t have any other friends.

[Crimsyjo]

You can step back without fully cutting the connection. And if he questions you just be 100% honest and say what u said here. What have u to lose?

[Toxic_Skyler]

Overthinking I guess

[Anonymous]

He sounds creepy.