What do you think about complimenting to another girl when I am in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Hi, i am in a happy relationship for 2.5 years now. Before dating i was an highly extrovert person, talk to a lot of people keep myself busy and all, guy and girls both. Had 2-3 girls on which i had a crush on before dating and apart from those i didn't text with a wrong intent as in flirting or expecting something from the girl i am talking to. After these 2 years, an old chat came up on my ig, on which i complemented a girl on her story (after 4 months of me in the relationship) that she looks good/pretty in that picture, on 2-3 stories. I used to complement her boyfriend as well when she used to put him on her story. Now my girlfriend is very highly insecure because of the number of girls i used to talk to or the friends i have girls only, and i have tried to explain her everytime its nothing like that with anyone and we have a big fight, here i never initiate any fight, she has mostly very close guy friends and i am never uncomfortable with anything she does with her guy friends.

Now out of fear of having a very bad fight again because she has a habit of scrolling down my chats I don't know why, but can't really stop her. And because of this i deleted that chat, i am feeling immense guilt why did i do so because in my mind it was nothing wrong which i did, i just complemented her with not expecting anything just plain complement. Though after a few months of relationship i stopped being too extrovert hardly ever find to do socializing but this old thing would have created a big fight and out of fear i did all this, and feeling a lot guilty because of this. The chat was 2 years old, but yes i think you guys understand the context.

What should i do? i know everyone may not align with me that i did very wrong but would love to hear the opininon about me and this.

[Finchie40]

You did nothing wrong , your girlfriend is the one that is wrong , she is projecting her insecurities on to you , to make you the bad guy , when really she is the bad one , she is trying to play a victim for her own selfish behavior, I hate to break it to you bro , but she is more than likely cheating on you with those so called guy friends’ of hers and pointing the finger at you , like you are the reason she is doing so , do yourself a favor and kick that selfish whore to the curb where she belongs. Girls’ that keep guy friends’ close to her when she gets into a relationship is a girl you are best to stay clear from all together , A good girl will distance herself from the opposite sex to show respect in her relationship and you should do the same for her. Opposite sex friends are not good to have when you love and care and respect someone that you want by your side , A good girl will not go out with opposite sex friends without you by her side , it comes down to respect, your girlfriend clearly doesn’t respect you , kick her selfish whore ass to the curb where she belongs.

[lightbulb27]

I used to be like that and I made same mistakes and I got into same arguments.

What would you like to hear?

What I did was listen to my now wife and realize, I should not be doing that so much. So, I dialed it back. I make sure my wife is included in things, we communicate openly as to what I'm saying to others... men and women, my phone is open. All of that is about building security that she is priority and these other people, are just people.

Your #1 priority is to protect the feelings of the relationship. Ok #1 is really to serve God, but she/it is a close #2. Fail to do that, she is gonna get mad.

I noticed my wife has guy and girl friends but she keeps appropriate boundary as well.

In your case she has guy friends and you can't hold it against her or expect the same in return that you aren't afraid or insecure. She is a woman, women generally are going to need more security and depending on wounds, may need more. My wifes prior relationship she was cheated on and it was in her face. She would be sensitive to that, so it is a high value and priority.

Think of it with analogies. If someone never hurt by a shark, rubing a shark story in their face is no big deal. If they were nearly eaten by a shark, rubing a shark in their face is emotional abuse.

You must temper what you do to the emotional profile of your partner. Maybe it gets better over time as you build security. And yes, you are going to have to accept that eventhough in your heart... you mean nothing by it. Put that energy elsewhere.

The flip side of this is she is a woman... and she knows how manipulative other women are and how they can interpret what you do wrongly and trash your relationship. Other women can be a threat and ya may not know it.

[Asker]

I haven’t done it for more than a year now, because I realised whether it’s with wrong intent or not I should not do it just for the sake of her feelings. But what do you think I should come clean to her? Or let her find it herself if she does I’ll tell her but no need to bring it randomly make her mad out of blue when I know it means nothing

[lightbulb27]

come clean about what?

[Asker]

That I complemented and all

[lightbulb27]

I think I'd let that go, but I'd have the conversation with her that will help improve her sense of security and your understanding of her. That is more important.
You can reassure that now you understand her feelings and that is something although you didn't think was wrong, was a mistake, is something you reserve for her. e. g. you've learned. Mention any other ways that you have changed. If it's positive, should help her feel better and you can get past the emotional hitch.

If she digs into details, you can say the truth to some level, don't need details... she may get upset and not trust, but you can reaffirm your phone and such is open. But I wouldn't lead with this... share that with God. The value of it is achieved because it help you change your behavior so you can honour your woman.

If you find you are walking on eggshells continually and it's not possible to achieve a balance, that is another matter.

But I don't think she is unreasonable... for her. Everyone is different. Some women could tolerate that, but not many. And they can tolerate it better when they feel very secure... which she may not because of herself or where your relationship is at.

If you cannot understand her, I can help you further with analogies. In short, think about her viewpoint...

[WhitneySnow]

Talk to your girlfriend. Explain to her that you love her but that there’s nothing wrong with occasionally complimenting another girl in a friendly way. Make sure you make it clear to her that she can compliment guy friends too.

[Nikki1989]

You can have female friends, just like she can have male friends. Insecure people have no business being in relationships.

[AI Opinion]

You're in a bit of a pickle, aren't you? Compliments are sweet, but navigating them in a relationship can be tricky! Your aim is clear: keep your love life drama-free. But insecurities can love to crash the party. Your past texts and the delete button have stirred the pot with guilt. Here's a flirty tip from this relationship coach: honesty is your best wingman. A gentle heart-to-heart with your girlfriend might just help clear the air. Let her know you're 100% into her, and maybe throw in a compliment or two just for her! You've got this, Casanova! 💖

[DishLady]

Depends on the compliment.

"I like how you stood up to that guy." is ok. "Nice shoes" is also ok.

"Nice boobs" (or anything focusing on her shape or features) is not ok.

[Avicenna]

Women don’t like that. Just apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You're not telling her you wanna fuck her, you're just telling her that she's pretty. I just now watched a video of some married woman reacting to an early Tom Cruise movie and she flat out said that he was so cute and even got a little giddy about it! That was from 8 months ago. There's no divorce in process over that! I've seen a few of her others that were made 6 months ago and she seems just as happy in those.
My aunt's friend, Mary, used to pretend she was hitting on my little brother but, she was still loyal to her boyfriend and eventually married him.
If my girlfriend told some guy that she thought he was sexy, or what have you, I seriously doubt I'd get pissed off and snooty with her and tell her, "Well, why don't you go fuck him, then?"

[comberchick]

I think as long as it's intentional to just a comment and not a flirt then why not. Your gonna be miserable if u feel like you can't be your outgoing self to not bruise someone's delicate feelings. If your a good guy to her she shouldn't be concerned over a compliment to someone.

[DrPepper12]

Bruh, This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her insecurities. If she capable of having a mature discussion about why she feels this way without setting her off?

[strateguy632]

Saying a compliment is fine. It isn't cheating.

[slatyb]

Why are you sharing your phone with her? Dump her, she's unhealthily jealous.

[SotiCoto]

Ask the one you're in a relationship with.
Check their boundaries, then set your behaviour accordingly.

[Fireguy17]

Nothing wrong with that if it is sincere and there aren't any ulterior motives involved.

[DtMe89]

I mean, while I advise not doing it at all, just, at least make sure you don't do it around your girlfriend, ya know?

[Megcait]

If you are both secure with each other there is no reason not to compliment another person.

[Jokerz711]

Inconsiderate unless ur girlfriend approves u should only have ur eyes on her.

[Soloalone]

She should be comfortable with your female friends if you're also comfortable with her male friends

[Seangreen]

Just don't do it

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it