Do you find it difficult to be honest with people? if so, do you have any idea why?

Question

I always think of myself as very straightforward and someone who appreciates the opportunity to be direct (direct in terms of honesty if not brevity) to make sure that things don’t get unnecessarily confusing. I suppose we can I say I believe very strongly in being direct. I absolutely have no interest in being evasive…

However, in practice, often times when met with specific situations, I’m surprised at how NON-ecstatic I am to discuss things. (Not thinking of anything in particular at the moment, I’m just reflecting overall)

I think I’m finding a discrepancy between my opinion of how direct I am and how actually direct I am in ALL situations. Of course it’s Fairly easy to be direct about something that you want to be directed, but of course.

And of course we’re all going to have behavioral practices that differ from our ideas of how we behave but I think usually there there’s a pretty strong overlap. Well I guess unless you’re totally delusional, but let’s take for granted most of us aren’t totally delusional..

I think im _not_ direct a lot more often than I think i am. At least I WANT to be. That’s important 😅

Anyhow, I don’t know what stops me… True, it’s uncomfortable but I think 78% of my life has been uncomfortable so I don’t see that as being the main culprit. I don’t know firsthand that information is way worse in the long run.

Maybe I’m fairly certain they’re not going to understand if I try to explain and so I’m just saving us both time by saying nothing 🤔 that’s possible.

myloveforuisinfinte · Accepted Answer

😂😂 Well in real life , honesty is hard, because you need to be strong enough to face the situation after telling the truth. It is not just about telling the truth. It's about being real with yourself and others about who you are, what you want and what you need to live your most authentic life. honesty promotes openness, empowers us and enables us to develop consistency in how we present the facts.
We can lie to many people we can never lie to our heart. It also give you mental peace. You don't have to live with guilt because you lied. If you are always honest with people you don't have to remember the lie you told them. The other person will always trust you. Being honest with someone shows character and shows that you trust them enough to let them know that you tell the truth and nothing but the truth. When someone feels you are honest with them they tend to trust you more and this builds a strong relationship. It also assures the other person that you are trustworthy. Dishonest people don't get second chances when they lie because people are going to think they are always lying to them.
It maybe hard but your heart know , u did right❤️🤗🤗

Account · Accepted Answer

I was extremely direct.
I had to re-program myself to be more diplomatic.
It does not come natural or easy to me.
It never did.
But being honest can get you in troublez therefore you need to filter or share a version that does not cause issues.
It can get exhausting and it is amongst the most draining skills I had to learn.

MisterWack · Accepted Answer

I feel confident enough to be honest with people, though I know how to say it.

When it comes to art projects back in HS, I would tell fellow students & friends that their work was great because 3 reasons I could list on top of my head and meant it. Though when it came time for criticism, that lessened the blow and allowed me to add my light constructive criticism which they appreciated.

The absolute worse thing to do was with my friend, I gave them that exact sentiment… What I got was “hmmm seems poorly drawn in areas and looks off, you should redraw that section”….. No softening the blow of any kind, not saying what he liked, and absolutely trashed my work. Which by the way, the drawing was 1:1 with the original artwork though only difference was my guy was a bit ‘derp faced’ compared to the original though I always was not good with faces, the lines were straight & the circle was round & every detail other than the face was good yet nothing. Jeez.

Please, if you have troubles communicating constructive criticism / cushioning the blow… Use this as a life lesson.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

I don't give a fuck so I'm just honest... I'm doing some cocaine right now. Feels good man. I was trying to be nice and did my wife's laundry while she's working. She put an entire pack of my 9mm bullets in there! Fucking kunt has me wanting to black both her eyes and knock her teeth out. I would fuck any woman, video tape it, and send it to her right now... I'm fucking pissed.

So you see how honest I am? Do you? I have a case of beer and a whole lot of cocaine to do before I calm down enough to see her. I already told her to get a hotel room for at least 2 days because I'm going to kill her if I see her. That's how honest I am. I don't give a fuck about feelings. My feelings got beat out of me as a child by my mom when she'd beat me for no reason all the time.

Carry on... I'm just a more extreme version of what you could've been if you've been through the things that I've been through. Stupid fucking normies... eat my ass.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As the romance expert here, I totally get the honesty struggle. Honesty's that sneaky ninja, right? Sometimes you're a truth warrior, and other times, you find yourself tangled in a web of politeness. You've got that whole "let's not hurt feelings" reflex going on. Fear of misunderstandings can lurk like a ghost in our subconscious, stopping us from throwing truth-bombs out there. 🤯

Being straightforward rocks, but it can feel risky. Remember, discomfort is our emotional stretch! So, be brave, embrace that awkwardness, and let your true self shine. You’ve got this! 😎

Finchie40 · Answer

No , I am a honest straightforward guy, I like people that are honest with me as well, I am all about dignity and respect and expect the same in return, I have witnessed and experienced people lying through the years and it sadly got them no where , I immediately lose all respect to someone that lies , because they can’t be trusted. I knew some people that were compulsive liars and they ended up killing themselves , when they finally got busted red handed for all their lies , because they couldn’t lie their way out of it anymore. They lied so much to the point they started believing their own lies. It’s sad to witness someone ruin their life that way , it mainly stems down to insecurities and low self esteem about themselves. They feel the only way they can be accepted is to lie. I honestly feel like it’s a mental disorder that they should seek help for. Sadly some people are just good liars and get away with so much shit. Crazy world we live in.

ohsheeT · Answer

No that's one thing that I really like about myself is I'm not afraid to be honest because I have to be me and I have to be real and I don't do it in a mean way that's for sure

I always felt that if somebody can't be honest with you that means they don't like themselves or they don't like what they do so they have to become somebody else in order for you to see them in a certain light and I don't ever understand that

And that's because I'm an empath I can feel who you are just by looking into your eyes and I know when somebody's not telling me the truth I mean the first thing out of their mouth or the moment it comes out of there mouth I know it and I hate that more than anything I usually won't ever say anything because I want to see how far they go with it but in order to love yourself 100% you have to be honest

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Most people have difficulty seeing their weaknesses objectively and accepting their flaws and limitations. It is an age old problem which inspired the line from Hamlet: “To thine ownself be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

mandyfire98 · Answer

I've always had the opposite problem. I've always been almost too honest and open.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Okay, but what honesty are we talking about? In what context?  It's all a matter of context to me, you can count on me to be honest with people I care about,  in all other circumstances I'm not honest,  in the sense that I don't broadcast my thoughts or my feelings unless I see they could be understood, unless I see a point to make, unless I'm just being pissed off also, let's be fair, lol Why not honest?  Because I don't perceive the world as a safe place really, I perceive it as relatively unsafe until I find people I consider safe enough to drop the masks. I didn't exactly choose this approach, this is just how I adapted to hostility when I have been presented with hostility, as a pre-teen. It's still in me, though in a probably less severe form

nolabels · Answer

I sometimes find it to be difficult to be honest with people, almost always due to not wanting to hurt their feelings in the moment.

If the relationship is a very casual one, that approach can usually go by being unnoticed.

If, on the other hand, not being honest in a long-term, committed, or even in a new, but important relationship, not being fully forthcoming in disclosing one's true feelings can eventually lead to feelings of betrayal, anger, hatred, confusion and resentment.

If a charade lasts long enough, with all of the honesty coming out after a long delay, the shit can then totally hit the fan, completely obliterating a relationship.

If you were to ask me, I could tell you all about such a situation.

For the life of me, though, I can't see any other way of having handled the situation in which I now find myself.

Life is hard.

Lliam · Answer

I never lie. Rather than lying, I will avoid responding.

I never say anything that would harm someone's self esteem. I would rather make them feel good about themselves. So I'll find something truthful to compliment them about rather than being critical.

If someone asks for criticism about something like "Were my vocals (at karaoke) alright?", I'll mention what they did well but then offer constructive criticism.

My comments may be different depending on how well I know someone. I can joke or be a bit more critical with friends.

With on-line ass holes, it's a different matter. I'll tell them exactly what I think.

When expressing my views on issues, I'm honest, whether in person or on-line. I'll be diplomatic unless they attack me personally.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Gets easier with every passing day

I used to be socially awkward as a kid

But now I stopped caring too much about what each one of my action means and makes me look

I still wouldn’t deliberately try to humiliate myself or harm someone else

But now I say things as they are for better or worse I don’t really stop to overthink it

Its not natural for me but im getting better and better at it

Lynx122 · Answer

As an autistic guy being honest is one of the things I don't struggle with at all XD but everything else socially can be a challenge.

RingOfFire · Answer

I think everyone has to put on an act in order to socially interact with other people. If you were completely yourself and free and direct with your innermost thoughts and ideas, no one would want to be around you. You need to smile when you are not in the mood for smiling, be agreeable even when you disagree, laugh when you feel like crying, and compromise every thought and act while in the process of interacting with others around you.

This can be quite draining and challenging, especially if you are a cerebral person who cherishes opportunities for quiet thought.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

it's difficult to lie to people... I'm honest by default... I find it bothersome to remember what did I say to whom and maintain different stories...

many people don't like open honesty... so I needed to learn to wear my words in more acceptable words... :D

Juxtapose · Answer

Well, people have to earn my deeper thoughts. And some people don't even get my cursory thoughts, like let's say a police officer. All of my remarks are going to be fucking scripted.

If I trust you, you can gain access to what I really think.

But in general it's good to keep your cards close to your chest and maintain leverage with people you are not sure about. Sometimes saying less is more and if people really want to know something, they can always ask you about it anyway.

Garud · Answer

I am honest and straightforward but I will not go and tell what's going on in my personal life to anyone

worldscolide · Answer

Years ago yes. Honesty = exposing weaknesses. I was very much a dishonest person when I was younger as more of a defense mechanism. My wife changed all of that and I started letting my past go.

AmeerX · Answer

It's been an honor to tell most people my peace of mind. I used to be timid when I was 12-14 years old but now I don't because the people will just find excuses to not talk to me if I hold it and so I know those who want to talk to me will accept the opinion and those who are looking for an escape will say oh you said that at so and so time so I am not talking

lightbulb27 · Answer

I try to be considerate of the others feelings but as well be honest. I can be avoidant... of conflict.

Tarifa · Answer

I'm very straightforward, sometimes way too much. With people I like and appreciate, I'm very direct. They know that I'd rather not saying anything than to say something I don't believe in 100%. I'd never say anything just because that's what I'm supposed to say in a given situation.

I try to avoid people I have no affinity with. They usually know beforehand, because they can read me like an open book.

Shark_61695 · Answer

I'm barely honest with myself. If someone asks me something directly, I'll generally be truthful to any direct question but rarely volunteer anything.

Justneedtokno · Answer

The only issue I have is people don’t wanna hear it and so you have to sugarcoat it sometimes or it all depends on what you’re talking about

I remember my mother being brutally honest with me and the people around her and it was either you loved her or the opposite, but everybody loved her. I try to do the same things when it comes to certain people, but I Don’t wanna be a wet Blanket

DrPepper12 · Answer

Being honest with my family is always viewed as a personal attack and they just want me to go along with the family dynamic of passive aggressive and bury head in sand. Not. Gonna. Happen.

As a teacher I was ALWAYS honest with kids. Teens can smell dishonesty a mile away! That said, they lied to me but there's two people you never lie to since it's their job to know: cops n teachers!

Matt_M · Answer

There are times when being honest is downright dangerous. For instance, if you pick up the phone and hear heavy breathing on the other end followed by an ominous male voice that asks, "are you home alone," this is probably a good time to lie. A suitable response in this case would be something like, "No, my 230-pound Navy Seal boyfriend is with me and he's armed to the teeth with fully-automatic weapons."

CarolinaGirl5 · Answer

Maybe you come off as rude. It's not what you say when you're honest it's how you say it

MysticDevice · Answer

A lot of times I just don't ssy anything cause I don't feel like arguing or debating. Its exhausting.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm honest to people and get kicked in the face.

eagle1951 · Answer

I'm always upfront, regardless of good or bad

FreyaRed · Answer

Not difficult but being honest isn't always a good strategy. It's better to tell people what they want to hear if you don't plan to have deeper relation with them.

katiesmuff · Answer

No I have on problem at all as you might know if you've seen some of my comments on this site. I will tell it like it is and don't give a rats ass what one thinks of me.

sawno · Answer

I don't find it hard to be honest with people but sometimes there are moments where I know my honesty would completely crush them. In those moments ill maneuver around it.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Not really cause I am a horrible lier so I prefer to be honest

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Is there really a question there or you are just stating about how you are and how you think?
And asking for a solution?

Or asking and I honest?
This question is kind of maze to me not sure how others are replying to it I am so dumb🫣.

Extraterrestrial1999 · Answer

Nah, honesty is the best policy 9 times out of 10

TsundereMatrix · Answer

I usually like to tell people how it is not bs them but sometimes if I know they get angry easily I will tell little lies here and there.

Josey29 · Answer

I have a problem with spewing out the truth without thinking first. 😂 It's caused a lot of problems.

noohair · Answer

I realize, after all my years of experience, that I can't convert anyone. So I choose to not speak.

Jennz6 · Answer

I don’t want to hurt anyone

TheStaleMarshmellow · Answer

I don't know you get exposed to a simple argument esclating to another person driving rebar into anothers skull on the internet and I have trust issues with humanity

NathanDavis · Answer

nope... open and honest, is my default I can be tactful as well, when needed

WhitneySnow · Answer

I really try to be as honest as I can with people

jshm2 · Answer

No. Some people just need to be told directly.

red-lipstick-girl · Answer

I am honest with people

loveslongnails · Answer

There is only "so much truth" an individual can handle. I decide what that level is depending on who I'm speaking with.

nawtee_me · Answer

I became an open book a long time ago. With that honesty comes first. I have been told that sometimes I am to honest. I see it as if it is the truth then I don’t have to remember the lie….

ihateTaylorSwift · Answer

telling the truth is easy people accepting it that's the hard part

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Not really. But I noticed that people become difficult AFTER I had been honest to them

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I'm always honest but i know how to manage answering others with honesty but without hurting their feelings...

RedInnocent69 · Answer

All of the above. But most often, not processing yet, leverage, or not wanting to hurt others even if they deserve it at some level

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

Nope. It's easy to be honest with people. If you don't like my opinion that's not my problem.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I love how introspective you are, @VIVANT! Your wisdom always impresses me.

Pterodon · Answer

I don’t have any trouble telling someone the brutal truth

Liz1990 · Answer

Close Friends and family sure strangers no. Probably cause I know my friends and family. Ones not so much cause I don’t care..

Jerre · Answer

I find it easy being honest with people

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Nope im honest makes no sense to lie

Arizona82 · Answer

I am typically an honest person.

exitseven · Answer

I dont know/

jahaims · Answer

Nope

Do you find it difficult to be honest with people? if so, do you have any idea why?

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I'm honest to people and get kicked in the face.

Do you find it easier to be honest with others or with yourself?

Do you find it difficult to be honest with people? if so, do you have any idea why?

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I'm honest to people and get kicked in the face.

Do you find it easier to be honest with others or with yourself?

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